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Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on March 8, 2012 at 8:00pm

i hope things straighten out for you hun, im doing "ok"....but i cant work....i love you mercy, know im here and we are great friends....i will be here for you, you can write me whenever you like.....i know how you feel about the light going out, its hard to get it back....im getting married didnt know if i told you i found a wonderful man who loves me unconditionally....mercy, you will be ok, my suggestion is to seek counseling, its helping me.....and im here...maybe we can work on finding things to help you get your life back....write me babe....love you....drink lots of juice hun and take vitamin c and see your dr., he will have suggestions and you will get better and be ok....again i love you and you will be ok.....you have my support....write me ok?  your NOT alone....we are going thru similar things.....good luck to everyone else too....love to you all and peace....i grieved my mom 2 days ago it would have been her 82nd birthday, but im going to be ok because she wants me to be

Comment by mercy on March 8, 2012 at 7:42pm

I thought I was alone in feeling this way too. I've become so absent minded that I burn food all the time and forget things a lot. My motivation is gone, at work my reviews have gotten so bad since I'm unable to think straight or get my projects completed on time. It feels like a light went out in my life. Losing my favorite brother and mom one year apart has really turned my life upside down. I remember I never used to catch colds, now I'm sick all the time, my immune system is down.

Comment by marlene lovell on March 8, 2012 at 7:10pm

Happy Birthday John....you would have been 52 today!!!!..I love and miss you so much!!!!!!

Comment by Barbara Santoli on March 8, 2012 at 7:07pm

The concentration is really hard. I have loved to read as long as I can remember, even as a child. A friend gave me some books and I can't concentrate to read. When I used to read I found it hard to do anything else. Could read a book in a day. I started one two weeks ago and have not gotten very far. I know this is all part of the process but it is hard to accept. You do question your sanity. From all I have read this is very common. We shall press on my friend!!

Comment by Bonnie Elizabeth Fleming on March 8, 2012 at 4:43pm

I'm all for the holding hands!  You are not alone on the feeling scattered angle either, my friend.  Normally (before all this) I was a person who could happily and quite competently concentrate on some really detailed stuff for hours and hours on end. In fact, my job depends upon it.  Now...I feel so fractured.  So utterly incapable of concentrating on any one thing for any length of time.  I end up having to get up and vary my activities throughout the day far more than there ever was a need to before.  People keep telling me to be patient with myself, that this inability to concentrate as fully is only temporary....yet I remain skeptical. I was telling a friend that in many ways losing a loved one is like losing your mind for a time--at least I hope it is only for a time--because everything you were used to in terms of attention span and concentration level just goes out the window!! 

Comment by Barbara Santoli on March 8, 2012 at 2:51pm

I agree change and acceptance. I just don't know who I am any more. I am not very motivated. Some days I am better than others. When I do take on a task and complete it I feel better. There are days when I just don't want to take anything on. Like today! Lets hold virtual hands and get through this together.

Comment by Barbara Santoli on March 8, 2012 at 2:34pm

Thank you both so much. Yes I hope that as time passes it will get easier for all of us. I heard something once that said "The heart doesn't heal from loss it just develops scar tissue" Bonnie you are not selfish. The thought about the present is the more the fact of all the things that will never be. There are so many "nevers" in my life, its hard to look at what will be. We will go on and continue to help each other. Somehow when someone else feels the same way it gives a little sanity to the situation.  Love to all Barbara

Comment by Bonnie Elizabeth Fleming on March 8, 2012 at 11:07am

Oh Barbara, YES!!  I chose not to tell most of the people at my place of work because I didn't want people looking at me with sad faces and concern all the time, because one look of sympathy and I am an inconsoleable ball of blubbering tears.  In a sense then, the acting "ok" in front of everyone else is my own fault because I sort of expect that of myself.  So I'm like Christianlee, I look forward to going home because I can be a blubbering ball of tears there if I need to be...I like to pretend my house--the house I shared with my sister--somehow understands and even if it doesn't, it comforts me to be there with our things.  My sister died the day after Christmas...and do you know what finally hit me this morning as I was getting dressed and putting on an outfit my sister had purchased as a gift for me?  It struck me "Oh no, now my only person in the world is gone and so this next year I won't get any presents for Christmas!"  What an entirely selfish thought, I know...but at the heart of it is coming slowly to the realization in hundreds of thousands of tiny moments of pain throughout the day that she really IS very, very gone.  In short, YES, I feel your pain...and understand your post entirely!  I hope it gets better for us both as time passes...I continually pray that it does.

Comment by christianlee on March 8, 2012 at 10:54am

Yes ....Barbara. I like going home after work and knowing I can just relax and not try to be so happy around people.

Comment by Barbara Santoli on March 8, 2012 at 10:02am

Here I am 7 months have passed and do I feel any better. No! I keep thinking what we would be doing or not doing. Just being together! The past two days we have had wonderful weather and he so would have loved it. We moved to the mountains 5 years ago and all we could think was how wonderful it would be when we were both retired. Well we had three months after I retired and somehow I don't remember them. I just remember the day my husband died in front of me and not being able to save him. I have had so many things break down-the furnace, the fireplace and now my car. All the things he would have handled. I'm coping and doing what I can but its so difficult. I am not one to depend on other people and I feel like my independence has been ripped away from me. I went outside to do yard work and then sat in the sun where he and I would sit when the weather would break and just wished that sun would give me some Seratonin-a whole lot of it. I want to smile, I want to feel happiness. I just put up a big front for my friends and children. Anyone else feel this way?

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