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Comment by Karen T. on February 22, 2015 at 4:10pm

Oh yeah- she finally admitted (which we new and thought was funny and laughed that she thought she covered it so well) that she hated my husband.

Comment by Karen T. on February 22, 2015 at 4:09pm

Sandy-

No shit. I just got back from the er because I fell yesterday hanging a picture in the kitchen- my 2 step slipped, I hit the counter and thankfully was able to get myself turned so my injuries are to my bac and I did not hit my head- but there is a huge gash on my back and it hurts like nothing and my pain  medicine for my injured ankle and loss aren't touching it. They looked at me like a criminal and said we can give you Ibuproren- already on that plus more thanks. Did take bunch of xrays so I at least know that there is nothing broken- just muscle injury which is going to hurt for a while. I hate being felt like a criminal just because I am on medicine for my situation. My mother even makes me feel like this, She says I need to geat off all meds as quickly as possible and that will be best for me and my son that meds are basically evil control.  

Comment by Sandy Hendrix on February 22, 2015 at 9:33am

Hey Karen. The book is. I wasnt ready to say goodbye. Ill hv to look the author up. Your son is just dealing with all this. Hes prob angry and upset and doesnt know how to deal. Shit! None of us do !

Comment by Karen T. on February 21, 2015 at 9:48pm

 I don't know what is going on ever since my husband passed, there have been not just strange sounds but even  strange occurances, I don't know if it's just in my head but I even just heard a noise from the master bath that sounded like the toilet flushed and this is before I got the chain fixed that lets it flush. I am going to protect myelf, set the alarm and then get to bed.

Comment by Karen T. on February 20, 2015 at 7:14pm

Thanks Marie that was a nice article. Sandy what is the name of that book again, I will take anything to ehlp both of us especially as he has taken to anger to express his grief. I am trying, but it's almost like he blames me.... there's times he even asks me not to talk to him. So hard. :(

Comment by Sandy Hendrix on February 20, 2015 at 6:05pm

OH Karen, I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. I don't think you should beat yourself up because you look at men, they are natural feelings you are having. You are lonely, you miss hugs, and the companionship.  When you are ready you will know. You aren't rambling, you are sharing your feelings like we all do and it's perfectly ok.  I'm sure the things your son are saying are because of his loss.  Kids also go through phases like that where they put themselves down.  Perhaps a few sessions with a child counselor will help him cope, or even research it online and see what you find.  You aren't unhappy with yourself, you have had had a huge loss and you are dealing with the grief, it's all hard.  It's hard for me everyday too. You are not worthless, you are working, you are taking care of your son and you are doing the best you can right now - and that is all ok.  Get the book - I wasn't ready to say goodbye - and it will help you and it will also help you to know how to deal with your son, there is a chapter on that.  We are all here for you and you are not alone.  x0x0

Comment by MarieSte on February 20, 2015 at 5:51pm

Karen

As you say your son is your physical focus even though your soul is longing for your husband. Here is an article that might help you with your son. He is grieving too and is on his own unique grief journey but it is no less painful than yours. Hugs

http://thegrieftoolbox.com/article/dontforgetaboutchildrenaffectedloss

Comment by Karen T. on February 20, 2015 at 5:27pm

I am so dishearted by pretty much everything lately. I was speaking to my bosses this morning because my work has not been up to par as expected and they just wanted to let me know they were concerned and supported me. As soon as they started mentioning my husband I burst into tears. I have been getting better at talking about him (me bringing him up first) and not crying, but I was a complete mess. I was crying so hard that I know my mascara just all ran down but I didn't even check until a little later and it was comploetely gone. Then as I am leaving and picking up dinner I am seeing very good looking guys and finding myself commenting on that. I am so messed up, I don;t know where to go or what to do. The only thing I know is he was my best half (or more) he really was made for me and I don;t know what I am going to do with out him. The only thing that is keeping me going (litterally) is my 9 year old son. I don't really have any friends. My only friend and commpanioin was my husband, I didn't feel the need or want for anyone else my husband was all I needed, lover, friend, everything. Now how/ what do I do? I only go to work and go home. I never even had any party years in college because I was his fiancee then wife prior to graduation. So even if I wanted to go out an do something (too soon anyway) I wouldn't even know where to go or what to do. This is the best I have. You all are my only friends and I apreciate you all so much. Thanks for listening to me ramble and bearing with me. I feel so lonely and just very unhappy with myself. I feel like such a very worthless person, wife, mother, and just round-about everything you can name. Again, the ONLY thing that keeps me going is my 9 year old son. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers and listening. Again I truly do appreciate all of you and what you do for me. Thank you.

Comment by Karen T. on February 18, 2015 at 7:36pm

NarieSte- thanks fofr rhe lonk. Today has juat been one o thos days, I don't even want to type on this but I am forcing me- knowing that if I don't I'll just let the grief take over and then we'd be by My 9yrs old son has been driving me up the wall and I am just fully prepared allowing him to really drive me nuts- but I love hime so what can I do? So - I do need to rant a litttle- (does not have to do with family)I am so toally frustrated with everything. Work is sdriving me nutts. I actually like my job eo th e point where I eactua;;y enjpy going to work in the mornings (doesn't happen very pten), but hereis sopme drama going on that is pretty irritating.  My so is so high anxiety amnd juct not doing schools owrk right noe and hiding it thinking nothing worng. Every time I try and simoy talk to him, he's just starting yelling, actua;;y sl;apping himself in tha ace-no idea how to stop that one, and calling himself the worst names (i'm stupid, i hate mysel, so stupid, etc_ whenever he doesnlt get is weay or something goes wrong I try to keep him jsu=appy with intelectual gooks (he loves to read0 expecially about the video games he) I chalk most o it p to him losing his ather only 4 months ago end I try to tslk it ou/ I'm tryiing to talk him through things (sometimes works, sometimes doesm't . I know he is entirely afraid o f losing me- make him more comfortablw ro sluup in my bed a nidhand has his list of phone numner I just don't know whre to go or what to do- wjat woprries me the most s him having hhe hig anxiety and the slapping himself when he feels mad abou himsel. I thank you forletting me just ranrt ang get a lot off my chesy, I sk going to call and get him in the doctor- but you know how it is when you just have to go off beore you cen get to the doc, I realy apprecieaste mit.

Comment by MarieSte on February 16, 2015 at 5:56am

Felicia,

I read this article hope it helps.

http://thegrieftoolbox.com/article/broken-bridges-mending-hearts#ut... Newsletter - Grieving Hearts

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