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The Second Year Seems Worse
Dear Friends,
I have not posted in a very long time but it wasnt because I didnt need to be here. I think I was trying to convince myself that I just had to deal with things and go on. As an update my husband of 42 years died suddenly the morning of Aug 3, 2011. I think for most of the first year I was in shock and now everything is more than real. So many things have happened in the last year that some people dont live through in a lifetime. The latest thng that happened I think has thrown me back into depression. At the end of October during Super Storm Sandy I lost power and water for a week-I live in a rural area of Pennsylvania and we do lose power with storms. I had never been alone through one of the outages my husband was always with me. I did have our dog but during this period the dog stopped eating and rapidly went down hill. By the time I regained power and water I knew he had to be put down. I feel like every piece of the life I had is now gone and I just dont know how to go on. With the holidays coming I feel like I just cant face it. Just wonder if any of you are having these feelngs as time goes on. Love to all of you
Barbara
Views: 550
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Karen Casey on
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Hi Barbara - I'm sending you {hugs}. I know they are not much, but being cared about means the world when u r going thru what we are. I too am in the 2nd year...the first went ok i busy taking care of financial affairs and making arrangements (and I was consumed and numb). This year the reality has sunk in that I will probably be living the rest of my life alone, I have to make hard decisions all by myself and my house seems lonely and dark. I so understand what you are feeling...the depression can just zap everything u got in you left!
I feel so bad about you having all the stuff from Sandy to deal with...so far I have had little things that I make in to big things. I wonder if you are feeling overwhelmed...that is a constant in my life and a little task seems huge! I do feel like I'm loosing my mind and wondering where that other woman i used to be went! If you would like to talk more just email me at kcasey1974@yahoo.com.
Bless you and lots of love to you too!
Karen
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think as tine goes by it does get harder... on my second year without my wonderful sister and still raw... ache to have her back to chat to her , a hug for her... i get distracted with work kids and every so often there are random moments of her jumping out in my head .. i relieve the terrible memento of been told she is gone... i i hold her clothes and try to smell her..i am not sure how to live my life without her.. she was just my sister,, she was my soulmate... i hear and feel your pain barbara...hugs
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I keep seeing my husbands accident in my head too; altho I was not there, but I know which mile marker it is and I go by it alot. It's really hard to function with some of the thoughts. I took a CPR class today and just the thought of something happening to someone or having that happen to a friend or relative upsets me. Getting thru this is one of the most hardest things I have ever had to do and I'm not sure I will. My husband was my soulmate too. Hugs to you Barbara and Nadia!
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Dear Karen,
I too have the vision of my husbands death but I was with him and did give him CPR. What I have found that helps is I try to quickly get a picture in my head of a happy time we had together sometimes it helps. My husband died in our bedroom so it is extremely hard. You do at times think you are losing your mind but I guess that is all part of the process. When I had to put the dog down I felt like it was the last piece of our life together. This is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do and sometimes I feel like a coward. People tell me to start a new life and I just dont have the strength or courage to do it. I think we expect too much from ourselves and need to be proud of each small step we take. Karen just know I am feeling what you are feeling and am more than happy to listen. You may email me at any time at budbichon@yahoo.com. Sending you a shoulder to lean on and hug to let you know you are loved
Barbara
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Permalink Reply by Debbie C on
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Hello i am new here just started yesterday. My husband of 25 year just passed away January 5 th 2013. H e also passed away in our bed . I found him dead in the morning .H e was just 49 years old. I am devestated . W e have a 18 year old son with autism. So things are very hard to deal with
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Permalink Reply by renee collier on
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Debbie, I am so sorry about the loss of your husband. It sounds very stressful. I also found my fiance dead in our bed on our boat. It was 10 months ago. I am glad that you found this site. This site has been so helpful to me and I hope it will be to you as well. I don't like to give advice because everyone deals with grief in their own way. I do like to share things that helped me and maybe they will speak to you. When he passed away I thought I was going crazy. It was the most unsettling feeling. But it is normal.
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Nadia,
Thank you so much for your kind words and undestanding. Know that I understand your pain and keep hoping for all of us that it will at some time get easier. Every now and then he sends me a sign that he is with me but as time goes on they are getting less and less. Maybe he now thinks I can handle this on my own. I hold his jacket and it does still smell like him and had some of his hair on it. Love and hugs to you
Barbara
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weird as it may sound I always had seen me and my sister growing old together... for her to leave so soon was not sg I had ever expected.. I keep reliving the moments - flashbacks come at random moments when least expected.. My lovely sister had diabetes since kid.. she died of here attack at 36 (2may 2011)... she had called me the night before... had a chat about our hols together.. I am living abroad so had managed to get 2 months off to got o greece and be with family..I was expecting she would call me the following day as it was my name day but never did ... she was fine early that morning and I just got this dreadful call..r rushed off to next flights back hoe... I had not seen her or touched her since sept 2010... I could not let her go i could not stop hugging her and kissing in the dreadful funeral.. I heard all account of that dreadful moments... the friends she called, our mum I have traced all calls com are notes.. She did not call me due to time difference... I keep replaying these calls ( the one I had the night before.. the ones she made her last moments to others... I saw her again in funeral... how beautiful she looked I still cannot accept it at times.... I cannot imagine what the flashbacks would be if I had actually lived through your experiences Barbara and Karen...If I had actually seen her lying on her bed clutching the phone.. must be so hard...but still i keep filling in these gaps these moments i have not actually lived... surely it is odd but cannot help it..
I miss her desperately... I do not knwoif I have the right to say so as I have a family of my own but my life is sooo lonely without her... She was my younger sister but she was my source of life... always supported always there to give me solutions ... I have had some signs too but nothing lately... I desperately want her to come to dreams but nothing... nothing....Thank you for your words to share with me .. I feel that others cannot understand why I have not moved on and live life for my young family...
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Nadia - I am thinking of you and I also feel others think I need to move on and live my life. I think they are wrong. We need whatever time we need to make it through this. Your relationship with your sister sounds so sweet; I am so sorry you lost her. I lost my brother 14 years ago. He was 45. I loved him, but we did not have the closeness you have had with your sister. I, too, fill in the gaps that I was not there with my husband when the accident occured. I keep seeing his car hit by a truck flying through the air and his car slowly still going until it hit the guardrail; I wonder if he realized he was hit or did it happen so fast he didn't even know what happened. Doctors assure me it was over in an instant, but I still wonder what he was thinking.
I'm glad to hear you and Barbara have both had signs from them...I don't think I have. I did dream about him one or two times, but woke up feeling baffled and really not feeling any better about it.
I pray peace for you and send hugs too!
Karen
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Permalink Reply by Jayne on
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I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost my beautiful mom a few months ago and have been devastated. I cant "move ON" MY MOM WAS MY BEST FRIEND AND THERE IS NOT ONE DAY THAT i DONT THINK OF HER AND WANT TO TALK TO HER. I am sorry for your loss it sounds like you have been through alot. Jayne
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i cannot move on... to where ??? there is little to give much comfort and often fill ridden with guilt that i should have cherished more the times we had... xmas always hard and seems like this 2 nd xmas ever harder... i always think of her.. post on her FB page ..people may think i am mad but love acknowledging her she was here and was and still is my bestest soulmate..this pain and will never go away but what keeps me going is the hope that i may see her again.... i am extending a big hug too all of us that spend xmas with our best memories of our loved ones... i wish we could hug them one more time but lets remember them no matter what.. moving on is not happening but i have embraced this...
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Julayne - I understand your feelings so well. I have so many people trying to control my life..tell me what to feel, what to do! Somedays I just want to give up too! I have lost my mother in 1995, my brother in 1998, my dad in 2004 and my husband in 2010. I feel so alone! But we can't give up...we have to keep trying as long as we are still breathing. I am sending you {hugs} and heartfelt understanding! We need to take baby steps and not let others tell us what we should do or feel! Bless you!~
Karen
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