"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
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On August 3, 2011 life as I knew it ended.
On August 3, 2011 my husband of 42 years died in front of me of a massive heart attack. The morning was like any other since I had retired 3 months earlier. We were getting into our new life and enjoying every moment . Within 3 hours of arising that morning my life was never to be the same again. My husband went out to cut the grass, I proceeded with the usual morning routine and then we would decide what to do with the rest of our day. He came in the house and said he was having chest pain ( he had no history of heart disease), I said I will call 911 and he said no he would be allright. He was the not the type to make a fuss over. I said maybe he should take an aspirin and he said he allready had. I still don't know when he walked to our bedroom but he said earlier perhaps he should take a shower. He did not make it to the shower. I heard this agonal breathing and didn't know what I was hearing. I then went to the bedroom and found him on the floor barely breathing. I called 911 and began cpr. I had worked in a hospital ER for many years and even though I was not a medical professional I had seen this situation often enough to know what to do. I also knew when someone was gone. From that point forward the days after become a blur. The hardest thing I had to do was call our children who live two hours away. The agony of waiting for my children was unbearable. I relive the moment every day. I feel like I have landed in the bottom of the Grand Canyon and I am trying to work my way back up to the rim. Some days I dont want to try. I don't know who I am anymore. I was part of a matched set and now I am only one.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Brenda Ann on
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Barbara, what words can I say that can help your pain? My husband and I are 60 so I can relate to a degree. I am disabled and I believe in the Bible and God's loving care. I lean on his strength and try to "pass it forward" the loving care we received when we lost my father in law. I truly feel that only the promises held out in the Bible can help the highly individualized grieving process everyone goes through. What was your husbands name? How are your children? I hope that you have a better day today. It really does help to talk... or write...
If you would like me to share the comfort we found from the Bible I would be happy to do so.
Sincerely,
Brenda
mawmaw1591@gmail.com
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Permalink Reply by Terry Case on
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It has been 15 months since my bride of 24 years was killed in an auto accident. I find the second year is becoming much more difficult as I was in shock the first year. my grief counselor tells me I am "thawing out' and the feelings of grief are overwhelming me. I not only miss my wife and best friend, I am often overwhelmed by picking up her responsibilities. I have 2 teen age children who give me reason to keep on . I still cry almost daily and ask God to give me the grace of perserverence.
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Dear Terry I recently had a horrible flashback to the day my husband died and I am now remembering it vivadly. I think some of the shock is wearing off and now I am seeing the whole thing clearly and I try to push it away with happy memories but its so hard. I heard a quote the other day that goes something like this " The tears we shed at the grave are for words not said and deeds not done" That is why I cry, not for what we had before because they are forever in my memory but I cry for what we could have said and done. It does help to hear from other people and what they are experiencing. It helps to clarify some of the feelings and experiences that we have. I find the morning the hardest part of the day because thats when for a moment I forget and then the reality hits again. I pray for you and your children and the strength to make this journey that none of us had planned. Thank you for writing it really does help. Barbara
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Barb, my experience has been that I really can't clearly recall the first 6 months. I think I went into "survival" mod and my instincts were to take care of my kids. I am very thankful that there was nothing left unsaid between my bride and I, however I really do feel cheated that I was not able to say goodbye. My son had a seizure while driving and the car ran off the road into a line of trees. Thankfully my son survived. I still can't wrap my mind around how drastically and quickly my life has changed. One day I am in the mourge begging my wife not to leave me and 15 months later I find myself here lost and hurt.
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