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No getting over it
We sold up, left the UK and started a new life in a foreign country, We had 10 happy years here, I used to smile every day at our luck... he was due to fly to Russia for work on the Thursday, it was cancelled and we felt glad as the following day was Good Friday and we felt happy that we could spend Easter together. He was a biker, but his biking days were over.. his bike was up for sale. But that Good Friday he decided on one last ride... we were going out for lunch that day and when he was late back, I called his mobile... the police answered... just told me to go the police station, I knew something bad had happened, I hung up on them. Called my daughter, she got to the police station before me... the police said to her " you know what's happened, your father is dead" The police discussed the accident in Arabic in front of my daughter, she had a friend with her who was fluent in Arabic, and she herself was hysterical in knowing all the gory details of the accident. When I got there all the police said to me was "what shall we do with the body?" I can never get over him, or the way we were treated, the visions I am left with after the police decided to tell us has been the visions of my nightmares every night since. And because we live in a foreign country nothing has been straight forward since then. I can still not go to the beach without him, I can't get rid of his clothes or possessions... I keep thinking someone made a mistake and he will come back...I never got to see him after the accident... I am ready for him to walk in the door all the time, I cannot move on. Won't move on. We had been married nearly 25 years, he was respected in our community and everyone loved his wit and humour. He left us all devastated on 6th April 2012.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by dawn larvan on
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Bernice all the things you have said are so true my husband was a biker,kayaker. And I used worry so much when he was out. And yet the unthinkable happened he had had a heart attack and died instantly 4 months ago in frontof me while on holiday relaxing so I feel so stupid worying all those years about what could happen bless you xxxx
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Yes, my husband worked in all the dangerous places, had armed guards accompanying him.. that's when I was worried. He was a terrific rider, never thought he would go that way.. ironic. Everyone says he went enjoying himself... as if that's supposed to help.. he wasn't even supposed to be here.. should have been on a flight the previous day. xx
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Permalink Reply by Lynn Boyd on
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Bernice, your loss was devastating, and I lost my beloved husband suddenly 3 weeks after we celebrated our 25th anniversary, so I know the pain you must be going through. I felt exactly the same way, completely devastated, in horrible pain, losing not only my husband but also my own identity. The details of your loss are horrendous, and my heart goes out to you. I have been attending Bereavement Support Groups and classes, and they have helped me tremendously. First off, always remember that you will NEVER "get over" your loss, but you CAN get Through it. May I suggest a book called "Widow to Widow" by Genevieve Davis Ginsburg, it has helped me immensely. You can by an inexpensive used copy on Amazon or maybe find it at your local library. It addresses many of the feelings you are having now, and steps you can take to make you feel a little better. We can't change the past, we can't bring them back....even now I still expect him to come home from work and say "Hi Baby!", I still have his clothes and his beloved golf bag. Try to go forward, honor his memory as best you can, and go on LIVING. Life is worth it, and I'm sure he would want you to be happy and enjoy it. I still have the "grief bursts" when I cry and scream so much the pain washes over me completely, draining me of all my energy. But after a good cry I do feel better. Cry as much as you can, you can even scream and curse the God of your understanding. But even that screaming is a type of prayer, God DOES understand your pain, and I pray God will bring you peace.
Namaste,
Lynn
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