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Comment by Dolly on October 1, 2017 at 5:33pm

oh Teresa... I am SO sorry.. I will pray so hard for her... and for you... I don't really want to be in this world anymore EXCEPT for those I love that are still here... if not for them there would be NO reason to be here at all.. so much pain and so much craziness in this world.. I just find myself hiding most of the time..  people are just too mean these days.. we have actually been 'uninvited' from attending a Senior Center informal band group because we played a hymn for an elderly gentleman.. ONE hymn among all sorts of jazz and blues and rock and roll and stuff that he had no interest in... I know its nothing.. but its just that every time I turn around it seems something or somebody is clobbering me... I will be thinking of you and your daughter Teresa... nothing we ever face is a horrible as our kid's problems when we have no power of our own to help them.. how well all of us in here know THAT... I will ask my praying friends to pray too.. anonymously

.. just ask for prayers for a friend fighting cancer.. if its ok.. I won't say who or how I know of her or anything... please try to hold on tight to hope... its all we ever have.. I love you.

Comment by Teresa D. on September 25, 2017 at 1:41pm

Karen, you saying your not helpful is very untrue.  I hate to say it but those ahead of me let me know I'm okay.  Those ahead keep me from feeling disappointed or like something is wrong with me because I'm not "moving on".  So please know you help someone like me. 

I needed to come here today. I don't care if anyone comes to the room and reads it or not I just need to something......

My daughter just received news she has ovarian cancer.  She has suffered with an extreme case of Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome since she was a child.  I have come to accept I'll never be a grandmother.  (Michael didn't have kids when he passed and her PCOS)

People I couldn't live this again.  God just couldn't be that cruel to me. 

Comment by Patty on September 22, 2017 at 12:21pm

I just passed 7 years.  Everything Karen said below is ditto for me :'(

Comment by Kar on September 22, 2017 at 12:36am

Sadly I seldom come to this page... I am so sorry about that --- 

-I just hit a wall at some point where I realized I had nothing helpful to share & did not want to add to anyones pain. 

-Brad's 10 year anniversary is drawing near - and even as I type that I still can not believe it.    

-I feel frozen in time.   I see young children of friends and seriously do not know who they are as to me they are still 10 yrs younger.      

-I do what I have to do - but, I do not feel alive.  I avoid as much as I can.    I have grown to hate myself and feel so useless.   that is the raw truth!! 

- Do I feel joy? sometimes - But, my aching heart shadows every moment.  

----------Well See-  this is why you do not hear from me often ... I am certainly not helpful.

---Please know - I am sending love and hugs to you all!!! 

Comment by Teresa D. on August 4, 2017 at 7:29am

Missing my Michael. No new stories to tell, no new pictures to post.  Just simply missing him so bad my insides hurt.  I'd give anything to hear his voice or see his face. 

I try to keep Connie's song words in my mind "Momma don't cry for me for I'm living in eternity." but it's hard.

Winsor That was a real hard thing for me to do as well.  I locked myself in the bathroom to read it.  HUGS!

Eva that is beautiful.  You speak for so many of us.

Love you all!

Comment by Dolly on July 11, 2017 at 11:31pm

wow Eva that was just beautiful... and very fitting to my own feelings today... well yesterday now... both me and my son Bo had a birthday on Tuesday just past... and we were missing our Brandon too... so we were missing him but trying to celebrate each other still... its never really much of a celebration any more.. but we try because we do so love each other .. all of us that are left all love each other and mean so much to each other... but that hole is always still there and it hurts so much .. always... I remember the very first birthday of mine after Brandon died.. I couldn't sleep and was sitting at the computer probably playing solitaire.. and feeling lost and full of grief.. and suddenly from behind me.. in Brandon's room...there sounded one single strum of one of his toy guitars... just one... but loud and ringing... I about fell out of my chair .. I rushed into the room and checked all over... I recognized that chord... but there was NO toy guitar in that room anywhere that made that sound... and there was no more sounds... it was as if I got a 'happy birthday' from heaven somehow.... it never happened on my birthdays since... oh how I wish it would...

Comment by Patty on July 10, 2017 at 2:11pm

Wow.  That is so beautiful, Eva.  Thank you for sharing.  It will be 7 years for me next month.

Comment by Eva Van on July 10, 2017 at 1:55pm

It has been 4 years since the loss of my daughter...and I write a poem for her birthday every year...but I needed, my surviving daughter needed, to know I loved her...

Comment by Eva Van on July 10, 2017 at 1:53pm

Comment by B.Windsor on June 22, 2017 at 8:30pm

Since i hadn't received the autopsy report from the medical examiners' office, and i felt like i was really missing something, regarding Shelby, i called to check.  Apparently, they'd sent it, once before--i never saw it--so, she resent it.  i spent an hour or more just reading over it and looking up details....  Almost feels as if she died, all over again.  *sigh  Just one of those things, i guess.  

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