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Comment by katrina on March 3, 2011 at 5:53pm

Thank you Rachel. I am very sorry for your loss. I feel a void in my life.  I miss her more now than I did when it first happened. I would give anything just to hear her voice one more time.  Hang in there Rachel.

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on March 3, 2011 at 5:45pm

I'm so sorry for your loss katrina...I felt the same about my mom too, she was my best friend, thats the hardest part, all the advice, just her being my mom....im so very sorry for you....its hard....I do feel your loss and you missing her....I miss mine too....:)

Comment by katrina on March 3, 2011 at 1:38pm

My mom died January 10, 2011. She died in the hospital of respiratory failure. She was my best friend.  I talked to her all the time, whenever I had a problem, she gave me advice. She always gave me good advice. I miss her so much and I feel lost without her.

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on February 13, 2011 at 10:16pm

plus, I have had alot of bad things happening to me all at the same time, I cant handle it all....its too much for a person, too many things taken away from me, the things that I loved....my mom, my best friend/boyfriend, have lost them both....other things too....just too much

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on February 13, 2011 at 10:15pm

mornings are the worst for me too Marie....you wake up lost....dont know how to go on....dont want to get out of bed, just to "disappear"....its hard to move on....I am finding it harder and harder to do so.....life is not as full as it was with my mom beside me....

Comment by Marie Carr on January 28, 2011 at 8:30pm

I better go to bed now as i have to tk my six yr old daughter to ballet tomorrow morning.  I dread the morning i find it nearly impossible to get out of bed another day remembering but i manage somehow.  I always cry at ballet wishing i had takn my mum to watch skye lessons and couldve had a cup of tea there with her.  I go in the hallway so know one can see until I get through the emotion i feel then i manage to go get a cuppa wn i stopped crying,  My mum did see my eldest daughter perform in ballet along time ago though as she is 22 now.  She didnt stay doing ballet though.  n I took adult lessons and performed only once n my mum n dad watched before she became unwell abt two yrs before.  that comforts me.  I wish we had gone more places together wish we had lived closer to each other.  but i have to remember the times we did spend together ;and hold on to thoughs special memories. that helps.

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on January 28, 2011 at 6:23pm

awww sweetie....i kind of had the same thing happen with my mom, about that she came to me, like "rachel, you will be alright"....but it hurts so bad....I have these visions of her smile when she was well, and it haunts me sort of in a way....please dont feel guilty about not being at the hospital, somehow it ended up I was at the hospital the day she died, and I am so glad that I was, but noone knew just how long she had....when I went to see her, I knew that day she would be gone....it was so hard....but she was not my mom at that point, meaning, she was so different from all she had been through and so sick, her spirit was different....but after she died her spirit was so strong and still is....she is right here with me....but missing her is the worse pain I can imagine....I did get a chance before she passed to hold her hand and tell her that I loved her and she told me the same....I am not sure whether at that point she knew she was dying or not, but I will cherish that, and I was there for her til the very end....I just cant believe she is gone, I dont know if it will ever seem real to me, ever.....its almost like, she was immortal to me....I am sorry for your loss as well hun :)

Comment by Marie Carr on January 28, 2011 at 2:44pm

I understand how you are feeling, I was so close to my mum and feel how you do about her.  We were told things were ok then had to rush to hospital as they had taken away her drip and put her on morphine.  It felt so sudden and so unfair.  I am still unhappy with my dad for not contacting me before they did this.  I as her daughter should have been asked how i felt.  Worse than that, my mum should have been the one to say if she wanted them to stop trying.  They shouldve given her a colostomy bag.  I wish i had gone to the hospital that day so i am angry with my self nearly all the time, i feel really really much worse when i first wake up every morning.  I feel so sad all the time and try to hide it most of the time for my childrens sake.  Ive told my six year old daughter that her granma is with the angels and watching us.  I have had a few dreams of my mum the first one was not like a dream.  I believe it was my mum coming to reassure me.  She spoke to me asking how are the children coping.  I told her how i missed her n how i loved her so much.

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on January 28, 2011 at 1:09pm

I am missing my mom so much, its just a deep hurt....it was somewhat sudden, she was not that ill, then boom, she lands in the hospital and 3 weeks later passes....its still unreal, I have to try not to think about it because its too much....to know I have lost the mother that I loved with every fiber of my being.....I cant call her up for advice....I know she will always be with me, but its just not the same....I hope I will find comfort....and I am struggling with some pretty serious health problems, that doesnt help the issue....I just hope things straighten out soon, I mean I know the grief will go on, I mean that I can find at least peace with my health and be able to normally go back to some sense of, oh I dont know what the word I am looking for is....I just miss her....I keep saying I want her back, but not sick, I just love her so....we were so close we could have been the same person

Comment by Marie Carr on January 27, 2011 at 4:45am

Hello, I am sorry you are not feeling well at the moment.  I sometimes feel like I accept that nothing couldve been done.  But then I have been ringing the hospital and I am entiteled to buy the notes, which dont cost more than fifty pounds if I want to get all of them, it depends how far bk I want to go.  I am prepared to pay fifty pounds and get a few years of her notes. to help me find out exactly wt happend.  So I can hopefully accept it more.  I miss her so much, My dad was so controlling so I didnt see her as much as i wished so trying to hold on to the times i did have with her and things we did do together.  My dad did get less controlling so she did have alot more freedom to spend with her church friends, which comforts me.  I just have to talk to one or two of her friends so I can find out if they feel she was happy, as that is so importent to me.  I have contacted one of her good church friends and we may be going to have a meal and cuppa on my mums birthday,

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