Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Tildyc on March 27, 2015 at 12:07am

It's okay George H. You don't have to do anything until you're ready. Right now – it's too raw. Do not force yourself to do anything you're not up to at this point. Eventually you will get to it. Just not right now. I still have not moved all the stuff back onto my porch that the paramedics moved out of the way to move Mark out on the stretcher. Barbecue and crab cooler etc. And I still have his diabetic supplies in the fridge. I know that someday I will deal with that – but I have no immediate plans to do so at this point. Right now I just have to try to function from day to day. That's all I can do. That's all anyone can do at this point.

Permalink Reply by Linda Martin Warner on May 9, 2015 at 5:11pm

I was switching to a new purse yesterday and found the metal pill container I had carried in my purse for our entire marriage should my husband have needed an extra dose of his Parkinson's medication.  I cried as I emptied out the pills and I put the container back in my new purse almost like a talisman.

Permalink Reply by morgan on May 10, 2015 at 1:02am

Linda,

My husband was diabetic and I had a terrifically hard time dealing with his insulin pump.  It was just the lifeline that he tried so hard to have work for him and fight for more time.  It was not to be.  It has been 27 months and counting and I keep talking about him like he died yesterday.  This is more than what the books call complicated grief. This is hell.   I am going to need more than a talisman if I stay upright.  Just see no end to it and no answers.  It has lessened in the outright inability to even get out of a bed but this is not life.  Not by any stretch of the imagination.  

morgan

Permalink Reply by Ally M on March 27, 2015 at 12:12am

I am so sorry for your loss, if this makes you feel any better at all- you aren't alone.  Even though he had a history of medical issues, this past year my husband was only sick briefly at home- he actually passed away in the ICU on 2/8/15, and i had to remove him from life support.  Anyway, I finally called to have his hospital bed and oxygen picked up from our living room too...they will be coming tomorrow.  I still have many of his other medical supplies and things untouched- i just moved them into a closet.  It's strange but I understand the need to hang on to any link.

Permalink Reply by George H on March 27, 2015 at 5:26pm

Mary's been sick since 2008when she had a stroke she was also diabetic and had her own home dialysis she passed here at the house from end stage renal disease it was really hard who decides to take her off dialysis so that we could switch to Hospice but that's what she wanted because she did not want to go back onto blood dialysis it all she was afraid of dying in the chair at the dialysis clinic so she made up her mind that if she was going to pass it would have to be her way and where she wanted

Permalink Reply by Roger on March 27, 2015 at 10:55am

Hi George,
I too have a hard time with deposing of my wife's things. Even though it's been 2 years. Her electric tooth brush is still by her bathroom sink. Along with her perfume. All her make-up is just as she had it. One whiff of any of that stuff will put tears in my eyes. Her night stand is just as it was. I clean and dust all all of this , just place it back in its spot. I don't have any plans to do away with any of this right now. There are journels that she wrote about her daily life with cancer that I can't bear to read. But don't want to throw out either. I miss her so bad every day. I am lost with out her. I haven't began to know how to live with out her. I too just take each day as it comes.

Permalink Reply by George H on March 27, 2015 at 11:22am

thanks Roger I haven't even reached the point or I can handle any of her stuff yet its just all sitting where it was almost exactly and the same position as the night she died the only thing is the dog and myself use your blanket and pillow we still asleep in the recliner next to the hospital bed don't know what any of this will change

Permalink Reply by Sandy Elaine Norris on March 31, 2015 at 6:06am

I wish that I could help. I wish I could say some magic words and make your pain go away. Just take one day at a time. We all have to give ourselves time to heal as much as our hearts will allow. And know that if you need to talk, we are all here for each other.

Permalink Reply by Linda Martin Warner on May 9, 2015 at 5:06pm

George, be kind to yourself.  I lost my beloved husband on March 18 and I am focusing on what feels right for me.  I too was a caregiver and suddenly I have a lot more time on my hands but I am too sad and unfocused now to deal with all the medical paraphernalia.  One thing I did do right away is that I passed a specialized walker that my husband used daily on to a member of his support group.  That felt right and it would have been too painful to see it sitting no longer used.