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Comment by Gyla Lynn Darden on June 1, 2011 at 7:04am

First Off, i want to welcome you Peggy, and I am so very sorry about your son.  It seems strange that he should live through a very horrific accident, and then pass away from something later.  I have learned from experience and of course the Bible that we all have a certain number of days on this earth.  Only God knows our days, which isn't always a comfort, but it is almost an answer.  I agree that the doctors should have taken him to the cardiac unit to begin with.  Obviously, he was having cardiac symptoms at the time, instead of a panic attack. 

 

I myself have panic attacks, and cardiac problems, and never know when to go to the hospital.  Is it a panic attack, or my heart? 

My daughter went through a similar thing, as in why didn't the doctors see this sooner, kind of thing.  I am sure that you read my story. 

All I can say is, keep in your Bible.  I know it can be hard sometimes, because there is an anger there inside, of not understanding.  I believe that your son was able to touch people's lives after the accident in ways that you may never know.  That is the beautiful thing.  I never knew how many lives Brittainy had touched until she passed away.  That's when I found out how many people really thought a lot of her.  I always did, think that she was a wonderful young lady, but she never thought a whole lot of herself. 

Well, anyway, I keep rambling.  I love you and will pray for peace over you and your family.  It does get a little easier, but I still have bad days.  Sometimes they hit me really hard, and then sometimes I am fine and happy for her, for about a month.  Many prayers and Blessings on your family, Gyla

Comment by Ammy on May 28, 2011 at 7:14pm

Oh Sandra, I know how you are...where you are.  I'm so sorry for you too.  I always pray for everyone, and I thank you for your prayers.  I can't imagine what it feels like in heaven to see all this pain down here.  And not just those of us that have lost a loved one, but this whole world is full of pain.  Peggy you know how I feel about God being in control.  I know He has plans for all of us, but something is just not right.  Maybe I'm just not right.  I don't know anymore.  Feel like I'm going backwards.  I know that our children would never want to see us going through this Peggy, but that doesn't make it go away.  That's why I get on FB.  To distract myself, but I can't stay on there all the time.  I always thought of myself as a strong person.  I've gone through so much in my lifetime and always managed to get through, but this is just so unnatural.  Blessings to both of you.

 

Comment by Peggy Jeanine Woody on May 28, 2011 at 5:27pm

Ann I have experienced that just recently, you know Shawn's just passed. His anniversary was April 29. On that weekend I was in Northern I'll. Going to another funeral. I guess that being there, I was too focused on others that I didn't realize it was his anniversary. I think we have all cometo the conclusion that God knows best. It's not that we like it, and you know how bad of a time we have had this year. Sometimes it takes time to come to thhis conclusion. I know how hard it is because the hole in your heartis big enough for them to fit in. I have also to believe that Shawn would not want us to suffer because of him. If I have said something that you don't feel, it just takes time to get there. Love and peace to all.

Comment by Sandra LaBonte on May 28, 2011 at 4:19pm

Everyday is getter harder for me. I can't help anyone not even myself, but I can pray for you Ann and I will.

Comment by Ammy on May 28, 2011 at 10:52am

I have no words to describe where I'm at today or where I've been this past week.  How can I go through the days and then feel like they are just a blur.  I go through the motions, but don't remember what they were most of the time.  I'm feeling more and more lost.  I'm wondering if it's because of his birthday and one year mark that are coming up that I'm feeling like this.  Anyone else have similar feelings?  I need help, I need prayer, I need a miracle

Comment by Julie Coleman on May 4, 2011 at 3:59pm

I lost my daughter August 13,2009 a month and 2 days before her 22nd birthday. I am struggling everyday to cope. The pain seems to be getting worse everyday because it's just one more day that I don't have her. One more day that I don't get to hug her ,hold her, give her mommy kisses or even me silly with her like we used to be. She was not only my daughter ( my 2nd born child) but she was my best friend. I survive myself everyday by living in a world of denial. My heart can't and won't accept the truth. I never use the "D" word and I won't allow anyone to use it around me or when talking about her. I just say she left or sometimes passed away but the other just sounds so scary and final. I know Jessica would not want me to be so sad and cry everyday for her but I can't help it. I try to be strong for other members of my family, especially for my children so I found a mask that I wear to hide my feelings so I don't upset them. I am screaming and crying inside every second of everyday. My thoughts are consumed by either memories or just being so sad and broken from the time I wake up until I fall asleep. I wake during the night thinking of her and missing her so terribly. I feel so lost and so incredibly heartbroken I don't know what to do. Just day by day right? I guess that's all we can do.

Comment by Peggy Jeanine Woody on April 1, 2011 at 11:44pm

 I have read posts on here about not decorating for Christmas. This was a very hard time for me as well. I didn't feel I could put up a tree, as I have no younger children, but I do have grandchildren. About 3 days before Christmas, I did put up our little fiber optic tree, as I felt Shawn would have wanted for us. He loved his neices so much, and his love for all of us was felt strongly when I finally put the tree up. I have never been an over decorator, so It doesn't bother me that I didn't overdo it. I did feel that Shawn would have wanted us to have a tree on Christmas eve and day. I noticed that the fiber optics and changing colors brought me joy. I couldn't believe it. I felt Shawn's presence and a little lighter in mood. It's not that I don't miss him, I certainly do. But I cannot be selfish enough to want him to return to the pain that he endured without complaint for 18 years. We did have a family time on Christmas eve, and gave our gifts to the girls, and had a wonderful time. We definitely missed Shawn, but we also knew he would not want us to be sad. We did talk about him. It was the second time we had all been together. We had Thanksgiving at Grandpa's, then Christmas here. It was a time of us all getting along. The strange thing is I told my husband that I might leave the tree up all year because it lifted my mood.  Three days later the bulb went out. So the tree was put away.

 My younger son is really struggling now, He has no job, no place to live and be alone. He is a loner in personality, but dependent on help from family. His pride is hurt, and with only getting unemployment he is not able to afford a place. It has taken this long, From April 2010 until now, April 2011 to get to the point where he admitted he has not even begun to mourn. I asked if it bothered him for me to talk about Shawn, and he began crying. I wish I could help him, but he is resistant to talking. He's angry with his sister because she and I insisted we had to take the apt. out of Shawn's name and his credit is not good enough to keep the utilities. He screamed at her and cussed her and basically feels like we drove him out. He told us to get out of his house and so we did. He did pack up things of Shawn's that he thought I would want, like the stars and stripes wheelchair that was used in the funeral and paperwork and his backpack. Other things too, but it was hard on him. I think he feels guilty for not being there the night it happened, but if he had been the coroner said he would have just had to stand there and watch it. So I am glad he wasn't there. My prayer is that he find peace about it and not blame himself or anyone for it.  My daughter has a lot of conviction and the need to do things right.  When we were up there last week, she had some talks with him, and I think he is very resistant to what she was telling him. His comment when we got home was that he was never going to her house again.  He said she made him feel very small and insignificant.  I can see why he would feel this way, but I don't think it was her intention to make him feel that way.  She has some firm beliefs and is not afraid to share them.  She and I have wonderful talks and we see eye to eye a lot, but he is not to the point where he can take criticism, he has always felt the world owes him.  It is really hard to get through to him.  He is argumentative and doesn't mind to say so.  It hurts me when I see them not getting along.  I believe he has had a personal experience with the Lord, but like his brother was affected by a minister we knew up north.  He believes in God, just refuses church.  He has not grown in the Lord at all, but my daughter is in the process of growing.  Shawn had an experience too, but because of that minister refused to attend church.  But I know his experience was real.  I'm sorry to put this on here, I guess I am in need of prayer for the things that are going on in my life.  It is very difficult for me not to talk about Shawn, and I don't want to hurt my younger son.  I feel bad about the way he feels about his sister, and I am not saying she is right either.  She is speaking truth to him, but none of us likes the truth.  I just keep praying for them.  It seems like to me, that Shawn was the glue that held us all together.  He was a buffer between his brother and sister, and his brother and me.  I guess it took losing him to realize that.  Along with the phantom pain he dealt with every day for 18 years and to deal with this wacky family, Shawn was a saint.  Please pray for us and know that I am praying for you.

Comment by Peggy Jeanine Woody on April 1, 2011 at 11:42pm

My 41 year old son, Shawn, passed away on April 30, 2010.  It was 8 days after his birthday.  When he was 22 years old, he had a car accident which split his Fire bird in Half.  At a high rate of speed, we think the passenger in the front seat tried to make him turn to go to Rend Lake in Ill.  He didn't want to go there, so he over-corrected and flew off the road and hit a tree on the drivers side and lost both feet at the scene.  A friend of his came upon the wreck and thought it was a two car accident.  The front half of the car stayed by the tree.  The rear of the car went 50 yards down the road.  The man who found them knew Shawn and told me later that he was trying to get up and walk.  He had slid in a path of mud, which kept him from bleeding to death.  They called for help and took Shawn to a local hospital.  We arrived an hour later to find him conscious and talking.  He kept telling me he really F...... up this time.  He asked why they wouldn't move him up on the bed, so his legs weren't hanging off the table and wouldn't hurt so much.  He had been drinking minimally and they would not give him any pain meds.  I told him that his legs were broken and that is why they hurt so badly.  I couldn't tell him about his feet.  Soon they loaded him up to take him by ambulance to South East Missouri Hospital in Cape Girardeau, Mo. They took him and we followed.  To make a long story shorter, he ended up losing both feet at the scene, and he had the middle finger on his left hand removed.  In the final outcome, it was one above the knee L. and one below the knee R. and the missing finger which they removed above the knuckle above his finger.  They told me he would be in the hospital for a month and in rehab for 2 weeks.  Well it ended up with him in the hospital 2 weeks and in rehab for 1 week.  He took himself off narcotics because they weren't touching the pain so why take them.  He suffered every single day after the accident with horrendous phantom pain.  Dr.s told me that it was the memory of the point of impact.  He was not a quitter and never gave up on himself.  He had prosthetics, but never was trained how to use them and they slowed him down.  He took to his wheelchair like he was born to it. He lived with us for a time, but then he got an apartment of his own.  Shortly after my youngest son moved in with him.  They were a good team, and lived together for a long time. Matt drove him wherever he needed to go, and he was able to help Matt.  They lived together until Shawn passed away.  Thankfully Matt was up north with his father when Shawn passed.  My daughter found him the morning of the 30th.  She was coming to take him and grandpa out to eat.  She tried to call him but got no response.  When she got there, the door was unlocked, and he was laying on the floor face down.  His little dog Sysco was there with  him.  My daughter was broken hearted and called me. She told me what had happened or what they thought.  We started out to go there, and I remember saying No, No, No, No, No. . . . .. all the way there.  The Coroner told me that apparently he had had a massive coronary.  He had his arms crossed over his chest with a pained look on his face and the coroner said he felt it was pretty much instant. Nothing could have been done for him, and no one should feel guilty about it.  He also told me that bilateral amputee's were prone to blood clots.   The sad thing was that my son, Matt took Shawn to the VA hospital in Marion, IL and he had a panic attack, at least that is what they said.  They told him the next time he came in with that they were putting him in the Heart Unit.  My question is, why next time.

Comment by Gyla Lynn Darden on January 19, 2011 at 3:19pm

Tracy,

  That is a Blessing to me to know that one day we all be together again with our loved ones that we have lost.  I know it is so very hard that you were unable to really have a bond like I did with my daughter, but you still had a bond that no one else could ever understand unless they lost a baby or a child.  I know that your precious children are up there looking down on you and are so proud that you are their mother.  Much peace is prayed upon you and your husband.  Don't worry God will give you a child one day that you can give the love that you so much want to give, and if he doesn't give you a child of your own then you can get a child that isn't loved by the mother that gave birth to them.  In my mind that is a love that is even more precious, because they weren't wanted.  I could never imagine ever giving up my child or not wanting them.  My children are so very precious to me, and I wouldn't want it any other way.  My husband that I am married to now is paralyzed and unfortunately we have no children together, because of his paralysis.  When we win our settlement for wrongful death, we are going to try to adopt a child in honor of Brittainy.  I know that she would absolutely love that.  She wanted a child so badly, but I told her she was too young to think about that now.  In a way I wish that she would have had one, so that I could still have a part of her here with me.  I know that I have memories of her, and her spirit is all around me, but it would have been even better if I would have had a baby that she gave birth to that I could be taking care of.  With much love in Christ, Gyla

Comment by Tracy on January 18, 2011 at 5:26pm

Gyla,

    Thank you for your kind words.  I really like to think that Brittainy is up there playing with my children Lila and Nathan.  If they're anything like me I'm sure they are a handful and are keeping your wonderful daughter busy.  I am very sorry for your loss but am happy you were able to get to know your daugther and see how truly wonderful and joyful she was to be around.  I know one day, we will all be able to see and hold our children once more. 

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