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Comment by Debbie S on July 20, 2012 at 7:07pm

I'm at the 4.5 month and cry more everyday. I have to made myself leave the house. Its still so hard to understand why!! My days seem to be filled with why?? if only!! I still feel so guilty because I was not with him when he passed away. I too touch the urn his ashes are in. I hold his glasses or his cellphone at night. I still have not been able to turn the night light off in our room. Its just so overwhelming. I am so lonely and lost without him here with me! I miss him more & more everyday!!

 

Comment by Peggy Henry on July 20, 2012 at 6:55pm

we made it through the one month mark.  till crying, not as much in public, lots at home.  Today gave his clothes to a person in need.  Tomorrow I scatter his ashes to the sea, his request.  tonight I touch the box telling him he will soon be free, it is silly because he is not really there.  Still feel extremely lonely.  Don't want company, only our old life back.  Still look at his picture and ask why.  What a feeling, never dreamt our life together would end like this.  I can still picture that last moment when I told him how proud I was of him and that I would be ok, he will be ok.  Everyone tells me you are strong and can do this, I wish I was so sure.

Comment by Sue Waxman on July 16, 2012 at 7:09am

Brette,

I understand every word that you are saying.  My story is the same as yours. My mother was my word. She passed June 26, 2011. My world came to a crash on that day. Yes, you are alone on this earth. But your loved ones did not just die and that was the end of them. They are simply (well not simply) in another place. Your mother is still your mother. You will see her again when you time comes. Until then you might focus on finding your purpose and trying to fulfill it. When we loose what is most prescious to us we are forced to look inside ourselves. What is left but that. The family get togethers are no longer part of our lives. The holidays are not the same. Birthdays no longer have the meaning they once did. This is our time to stop and look at who we are. What is the bigger picture of this thing called life.

It is so hard to find meaning when you are just hurting so deeply. But try and look inside of yourself. Get prepared for when you day comes and you have to answer some serious questions about what kind of person your were and what you did with YOUR life. Your friend Sue

Comment by Brette Stinson on July 13, 2012 at 6:24pm

Hello,

It's been a while since I have been on here but I just wanted to share my experience over the weekend. First of all I would like to give everyone a piece of who I am and who I have lost. I am a 26 year old orphan. I lost my biological father in 2002 and then my mother married again and I lost my stepfather in 2011 and then my mother on March 17, 2012 to Colon Cancer. I was my mother's everything and she was the same to me. I feel lonely, lost and just unequipped for most of life situations that I would consult with my mom about.  Last weekend was the family reunion on my mothers side of the family.  I was a little apprehensive about going but I went.  It was nice to see people I hadnt seen in a while but I felt alone in a crowded place which was odd.  It seems that everybody had their mothers or fathers but I had no one. I got tired of people telling me I am so sorry for your lost. I wanted cry. So, I did not go to any other family festivities. I was so sad the whole time I was out of town and just wanted to come back home. Everytime I go to her hometown I can see her as a teenager walking around playing or skipping around the old family house. I just miss her so much I feel like I can't function without her around. Looking at the groups I can belong to a lot of them. Thank you for reading!

Comment by Debbie S on July 13, 2012 at 11:50am

Saying a special prayer for you Ann. For you having surgery and the loss of your mom.

Comment by Sue Waxman on July 13, 2012 at 6:59am

I know that it doesn't get any easier to live without my mother. Some days I just pretend she is out of town visiting my sister. The weekends are the hardest. I know you all are experiencing the same. Each day we live brings us closer to being reunited with them. That is somewhat comforting to me.

Comment by Ann on July 13, 2012 at 6:57am

I am going for outpatient surgery today by myself.  All three of my friends are on vacation.  They are teachers and July is the only time they can get away.  I will be missing my mom.  This is the kind of thing where we were always there for each other.  Whose hand will I hold?  Who will be at home with me so I am not scared?  

Comment by Ann on July 13, 2012 at 12:24am

Time heals wounds for some.  Some of us cling to the time our loved one was with us and we claw life as the days drag us further away.  What is left? A life in shreds. 

Comment by Mary M. on July 12, 2012 at 10:41pm

I am not sure the pain truly goes away, but we do adjust and learn to live again.  It will never be the same, but I hold to the hope that it does get better.  Hugs to you all.

Comment by anna l. on July 12, 2012 at 10:32pm

Time gives us a chance to rewrite our lives I guess is how Im seeing it at the moment.  This is not the life I thought I was going to have a year ago, but it is what Im making it.  A month after Tom died I did not want to take the breaths everyone was telling me to take.  Now I know I want to figure out how to have a life.  Most days that I do anyway.  Hugs to you as you find your way too.

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