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Comment by Shirley on February 21, 2015 at 10:12pm

Anita....I relate with every word you posted here. Went through almost the same thing in 2014. My hubby passed on April 29 2014. Cancer in five different places.. Right now it has almost been 10 months but seems like ten years to me. I have found some Peace and Comfort knowing his pain, confusion and medications have been exchanged for a life in Heaven. Slowly moving forward and know some day we will meet again and there will not be any more good byes , tears or heartbreaks.  Will say GOD be with you and yours.   Bless you  as you go through your grieving .

Comment by Anita Jeffery on February 21, 2015 at 9:38pm

I lost my husband to cancer on Dec. 28th, 2014.  He was extremely ill from January 2014 with Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer.  The whole year was agonizing, full of overwhelming grief at knowing that my husband would only live for a matter of months...and for my husband the knowledge that he would have to undergo months of chemo just to stay alive a little longer.  He did go through months of terrible pain and mental changes, inability to remember things.  Watching him go through all this was so painful I wanted to be the one to be sick instead of him.  There were times I wished that we could simply lay down together and die at the same time.  We were together for almost 34 years, and were thinking about what we would do when he would finally retire and of course we imagined we would travel and go fishing, and all the things we'd never gotten to do.  His cancer continued to grow throughout the year, and nothing we tried seemed to work.  I think he just made it through Christmas for the sake of me and our son.  On 12/27 I had to call an ambulance for him because he started vomiting blood.  Even though I had taken care of him 24/7 throughout the entire year, I never had any idea that his death would come in such a terrible way.  He lost so much blood, and they couldn't get his blood pressure above 48/28...we knew he couldn't live on and he asked me to let him go.  I knew it was the end.  During all of it he was aware and awake.  He was able to say goodbye to our son, and we said our goodbyes.  However after they pumped enough morphine into him he finally went into a deep sleep.  I was able to be with him for another 20 hours and in the end he was peaceful.  I am trying to move on with my life.  Our son lives with us and is a comfort to me, but at the age of 58 I find myself very alone in life.  I am very fortunate that my husband planned well so I am able to not have to worry immediately about money, but it's no consolation for losing my husband.  He meant everything to me.  Cancer is so brutal, I feel people can't possibly understand what it is to deal with it.  It's so heartbreaking.

 

 

Comment by Betsy Arnold on February 19, 2015 at 9:18pm

Anyshia and James, I am so sorry for what you are both going through. I lost my husband 5 and a half years ago at the age of 43 and still miss him every day. He had a rare genetic blood disease that led to another blood disease that led to cancer and a failed stem cell transplant. My Mom died just last July from liver cancer and I was caregiver to both her and my husband, and now I am lost. Anyshia, my husband and I were unable to have children, but wanted them very badly. You are in my prayers. James, I understand. You are also in my prayers.

Comment by James Quinn on February 18, 2015 at 7:59pm

I am so deeply sorry,Anyshia for what you are going through it breaks my heart to think you have two little ones who need you so much and you feel so alone i know that if it is anyway possible for your husband to be around you he will be.I think children can sense thing we find hard, when you think your are drowning he is with you holding on to you because he loves you and that kind of love does not die with the body, close you eyes  and feel him loving and hugging you i think our pain is so much at times its hard to feel our lost ones but i believe   in my heart it is true bless you my friend

Comment by Anyshia Garcia on February 18, 2015 at 7:29pm

I had shared before about my husband dying just 3 months after turning 29. Cancer had consumed him. It was the worst thing in the world to watch. We found out in April 2014 about him havin colon and kidney cancer (2 primaries, very rare). The colon cancer had already spread to liver lungs and lymphnodes of chest and abdomen. Never did we think a stomach ache would take his life. We found out two weeks after finding out we were pregnant with our second son. (Our first is seven). The whole time he fought so hard to see our son be born. And he did. He let go after. And died 12/13/14.
It having now been 2 months, I think the initial shock has worn off and I try to keep myself busy. But it has become so extremely hard. No one understands. I feel so alone. My seven year old is so affected by it. And his behavior has gotten out of control. I hold my little 2 month old and cry. He is so precious but it's hard not to think of my husband and how he would have loved him so. I'm a mess. I feel I'm trying to keep my head out of the water from drowning but the waves keep hitting me so hard. I have talked with therapist and counselors. Nothing seems to help.

Comment by Fran on February 18, 2015 at 7:06pm

James, there is no rush to go thru things. I was told not to make any drastic changes for at least a year. I have really only gone thru 2 drawers of my husband's and that was socks and underwear. The rest of the clothes are as they were. I did weed thru some of his charge cards and store cards...I had to put in for replacement titles to vehicles and boats and ATV so that I could renew licenses on them. I have no desire to change utilities to my name, I'm assuming that as long as they are being paid they don't care about names.

Anyhow, take your time with the personal effects. I'm sure there will still be times when they give you comfort. I wear my husband's jacket and some of his shirts so that I can stay connected. 

Comment by James Quinn on February 18, 2015 at 4:17pm

Its feels i have lost to much as it is,closing down her bank account,i felt the door closed on a part of her our e mail is made up of the first three letters of our names i am keeping.There has been a couple of things i have given to her sister and mine, but its to painful to go through her jewelry the money value is not high but she called it her little box of treasures as somethings in it are from her mum and gran

Comment by Debbie on February 18, 2015 at 4:04pm

I feel your pain take your time you'll know when the time is right you don't have to get rid of her things. When my husband died I got rid of some of his things but kept all his favorite and I still have them not ready to let go either.

Comment by James Quinn on February 18, 2015 at 4:01pm

My poor love just turned 51 two mouths before she found out she had cancer of the bladder, She was younger Than i and two days after her death was my birthday i will never celebrate my birthday again.The other thing is all her cloths  and her personal stuff i have been ask when do you think you will have a clean out? I cannot see it in the future just to soon even to think about it, i do not need the room i still feel her near me when i open her wardrobe , the thought of giving away and cleaning out all her stuff is to hard and i feel wrong

Comment by Trina Mamoon on February 18, 2015 at 3:15pm

Hello Debbie,

Just wanted to reply to your post. Losing a loved one who is young makes the grief, in opinion, even more heartbreaking. While I know from losing my parents, father at 71 and mother at 81, that no matter at what age your loved one dies, it is always too soon. You can never prepare for death. But having lost my beloved husband who was only 49, my grief seems inconsolable. I think there is some expectation in all cultures that people will live into their 70's and someone passes before that it the pain for the bereaved is even more. But when one passes in their 20's, 30's, 40's and 50's it's tragic. There is no other word to describe it other than it's a tragedy. 

In my case, my grieving for Joseph is so intense is because I feel he was cheated, he didn't even reach 50. He had so much unfinished business, so much more life to look forward to. But his life was cut short cruelly and I am condemned to live out the rest of my life here on earth mourning him, missing him. So my heart goes out to you and your boys. It's so not fair! It's so undeserved! All I can say is please know that there are people on this forum who empathize with your loss and pain and are there for you.

Hang in there and take one day at a time.

Best regards, Trina

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