Comment

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on January 30, 2011 at 1:53pm

I am battling today....I have been at peace about my mom's passing, but now I am contending with, why did God take her from me?  I don't know why I am feeling this way....I know it was her time and all, I just wish I understood more....I am not mad at God, I am glad he took her peacefully, but, he knows the grief I feel....its all just so hard, the acceptance of it all

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on January 30, 2011 at 1:32am

I totally agree Megan, people can be so crude....they dont understand if it hasnt happened to them....I am not at the 7 month mark, only 2 months, but still....when you have a loss like that its so unbelievably difficult....they just dont understand....I also have a blanket of my mom's that still smells like her....I know that might be weird, but, its still as if she is here in some ways....relating to what Michael was saying....I kept some of her clothes, things like that....its just so hard....

Comment by Megan on January 29, 2011 at 1:59pm

You know what I'm SICK of? Insensitive people who act like, even after 7 months, you should move on, stop grieving, and get on with your life and stop feeling the pain.

Comment by michael sandoval on January 29, 2011 at 10:45am

Looking forward to seeing my therapist today.

Comment by Jeannie Porter on January 28, 2011 at 10:15pm

I am lost in the very esence of Paige..I painted and changed the bedroom,i smile as if she can see it..Why did I not make this change when she was alive? Would she love it..She always called me the decorater..She would say I was not afraid of color and made bold statements.. Thats just the problem.she isn;t here to stroke me...I would smile cause she would always make whatever I did "the best" I could look like dodo and she would tell me how beautiful I was. When I had to have a colostomy you would think I just got a diamond ear ring,,Beautiful!! She had the kind of kindness you can't fake,,,,She hummed when she was getting ready in the mornings,,I miss that..Today I thought I had a message on my phone and somehow it .was an old message of her voice telling me she would be home soon. I thought we had removed them all.. To my knees. I'm afraid i'll forget how she looks..and i have pictures everywhere. People think Iam over the top with her pictures everywhere. I already have run out of her smell. it is gone, I left her slippers by herside of the bed as if she will slip them on as she did each morning..I am sick I guess, My Dad says just close the door and get on with your life,your not dead.. Oh but I am. I think I am in some ways more dead than she is, I am a breathing dead sad mess. I have a sign that says "come grow old with me the best is yet to come" I almost smashed it to pieces the other day. I have therape,I take antidepressant meds..and ativan...and still I am always a hair away from tears..Sometimes it,the tear just rolls down my face..uncalled for,but there.  Bless all of us who come here and make our journeys make sense and we are not crazy. Just lost in the pain of our loved one..our jappy,our heart beat,the air we breath ,our everthing. Thanks for listening..god bless and bye....Jeannie in Colorado

Comment by michael sandoval on January 28, 2011 at 9:26pm

This whole week has been horrible. I remember finding Denise's bathrobe about five months after she passed and I could still smell her on it. I hugged it and cried my eyes out. I tried to relate my feelings to a friend and their attempt to help turned out to be very insensitive and offensive. I realized friends mean well, but can't understand.

Comment by Judy Kemp on January 28, 2011 at 9:39am

               A LETTER TO MY HUSBAND

Sitting here looking at pics of the past how happy we were woundering if i will ever feel the normal again. You were taken from us way to soon is all i can think the pain and sorrow still deep in my heart. I dont know how to go on with out you my love. Looking at theses pics i know that i will never be the same with out you the laughter the tears the joy we shared still so fresh in my head and heart. I see your smiling face i hear your laughter i see your joy over our childerns lifes how you cry the day the were born how happy thoses days were. Now all i have are trhese momories of the past not knowing how to go on with my life now that your gone. I know i promised you i would but i feel as if iam falling apart broken unable to move on i live i the past when we were together. I try not to upset the kids walking on eggshells here dont want them to see how much pain iam in. They miss you so much as do I. Our daughter is in her last year of nursing school she is out in May and it will be so hard that day you not being with us to see her do this next year our son is done with school to he loves cooking just like you did his teachers tell me hes going to be a great cheif that he loves what hes doing and that will make all the differents in the world, go figure that we were always so worried about him not finding his place in this world, well we dont have to worry anymore about that, cannt get him out of my kitchen now when he comes home from school breaks. You would be so proud of the kids there doing so good. God i miss you so much each day feels like a entriny the nights are worst. I know your better now not in pain not wasting away but i still wish that i could be with you baby.  I found a pic of us at lovers leap in strave rock state park today god we were so happy then I LOVE YOU so much and hurt like hell right now wanting nothing more than to be with you but knowing I cannt right now anyway. So tired of people telling that things like oh its going to get better but its been 2 years and things havnt gotten any better i still wake up crying and go to bed crying for you. You were my world and still are you know. All are plans to grow old together are gone i fell so empty inside. I love you today as much as i did when we married you will always have my heart my love and my soul you are a part of me that i would never trade or give up you show me how to love and trust that we would be together forever. I know you must think iam crazy writting this letter to you but i was told that if i did it would give me a little bit of peace of mind and lord knows i need that lately i feel like my whole life was ripe apart and i have not ideal how to put it back together again with out you to help me. I know it sounds so sad our life reduce to writing you letters that you will never get to read that makes me cry harder sometimes. Speaking of letters i didnt know that you keep all the letters i wrote to you while we were dating you were so sweet babyi put them with the ones i have from you in a box tied with a red ribbon when i can i will sit and read them again but right now its to painful to do that. I feel you in the house around me can hear you at times calling out to me but just once i would love to hold you in my arms again to feel your body next to mine and know that we were together again iam trying to be brave but the pain of missing you sometimes gets in the way of that. Your mother is doing better Iam not sure how I would have gotten this far without her she has been a rock for me, your brother and sister well what can i say there the same as always and that should be enough to tell you that nothing has changed there. So many of our friends still thinking of you, Tim is doing a little better now after his dad died he lost it for a while but hes getting back on track now he told me how hard it was for him to lose you and his dad in the same year you guys were like brothers I hope all gose well for him and his family. I still think of you every day and night. Wishing we had our lifes back to normal but thats not going to happen and i want you so bad just to hear you again to feel your presents here i could always tell when you would walk in the room to matter how quite you were it use to drive you nuts i know... Well I guess i had better go now but i will be here for you waiting till we see each other again till then know that I LOVE YOU so very much baby. 

Comment by michael sandoval on January 27, 2011 at 9:40am

Dear Judy and everyone, I feel exactly the way you do.

Comment by Mary Elizabeth Webb on January 27, 2011 at 9:04am

http://www.maryelizabethrobinson.com 

Losing a loved one to cancer is difficult and life changing. I always feel like I am in some strange sense a "cancer survivor", because cancer not only steals our loved ones, but changes the immediate family's lives forever.
My story is a long one, but I would like to share this with all of you....I lost my mother to breast cancer when I was a child. She was only 39 years old. Her death changed me forever and made me the person I am today. There was much more struggle in my life after her death. I am not going to lie, it was difficult.

Then in 1993, my father died from kidney cancer and 7 years later my only older brother died at age 41 of pancreatic cancer. I learned a very important lesson after my brother's illness and death. Our loved ones remain connected to us FOREVER. Death is not the end.

I have written a book about my experiences with death and all that has transpired through out my journey. I have been blessed with a gift of knowing. There is life after life. I have lived a life of unexpected tragedy, but my faith has always remained close to my heart. My purpose and this divine gift give testament to the world we all have waiting for us after this life, an eternal tomorrow, as promised in the Bible. Our loved ones would not want us to be sad. They would want us to live out the rest of our lives in happiness and peace. They watch over us and help guide us.

This is what I have learned and this is what I wish to share with all of you who have ever lost a loved one.

Comment by Diana on January 27, 2011 at 6:07am

 

Jan  thank you for your comment. I feel as you do.  I feel him with me at times I need him most and it is very comforting to know he is with me in spirit. I want him in body but knowing he is not totally gone from me is

a blessing.... I wish you all Gods love....

 

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