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Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on March 6, 2011 at 4:05am

Judy, this doesnt sound good....if it sounds like I think it does....I know the pain, I understand it, I do, you feel like you cant go on, please try and find someone good to talk to about this, you got to get this pain out, im worried about you....I understand when you are that close to someone, heck I have wanted to be with my mom too, but Brian wants you here and with those kids....please dont do what I think you are going to....sweetheart there are other ways....gosh Im so worried....you can talk to me ANYTIME....I understand about the pills etc....it helps a bit, but not that much, I honestly feel emotionless right now.....maybe thats God's way of protecting me from the pain, I dont know, but I feel like less of a person....I hope you will be ok Judy, my heart goes out to you sweetheart....we love you

Comment by Judy Kemp on March 6, 2011 at 3:22am

This is most likey my last entry on the site. I miss Brian so much i hope my childeren understand i just cannt go on like this my heart feels like someone riped it from my chest iam numb from the pain for a while then i see or hear something that reminds me that hes not here anymore. When i go to the drs all they do is keep giving me more pills god so many of them. Sitting here taking them hoping to see Brian soon god i miss him so much but i will be with him soon i left the kids a letter to tell them how much i loved them i just cannt go on with out there dad i hope they understand and forgives me but i cannt do this anymore.getting so tried just want to wake up in his arms one more time i love you Brian iam comming to you soon baby. To my kids plesae understand that i had to do this i cannt go on like this you both mean so much to me know that i love you both and i pray that you forgive me someday

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on March 3, 2011 at 8:35am

Michael, I feel so bad for you, you are really having a hard time after all this time...I hope your therapist can really help you and get you past all that....I really do

 

 

Comment by Maria Lindquist on February 27, 2011 at 7:49pm

I lost my mom a little over a week ago to cancer. She had breast cancer 25 years ago and was cancer free until 2-1/2 years ago when she was having problems with one of her legs and went to numerous doctors and finally went to the Mayo Clinic and found out that she had cancer again. I figured with this day and age and the fact that she fought cancer the last time she was going to fight it again. That did not happen. Cancer won! I"m so sad that my mom is gone. I won't be able to call my mom anymore when I want to talk to someone about my daughter. She knew the right things to say. Who is going to help me with some crocheting. It is strange when I go to my parents house and my mom is not sittin gin her usual place. :( I miss her so much and I am mad that cancer had to take over. I have this bracelet that I got that shows I'm support of the fight for cancer and I almost didn't want to wear it because what use is it now? My mom died from cancer???? How is it going to help me? But I know my mom would want me to wear it because there are others out there that have cancer.

Comment by michael sandoval on February 22, 2011 at 9:56am

My therapist reccommended o keep journal. This from Sunday :

830am

Crying thinking about Denise losing weight

Crying thinking about Denise and missing her

Crying thinking about Denise leaving her body

Cried again and been feeling sad for about an hour

Crying again.  1037am

1055am
Crying again

1220 
Crying missing Denise.  She was so wonderful.

Crying at 2pm. Missing Denise

Crying at 630pm. 
Thinking about Denise and how much I miss her.

Cried again at 730pm

Comment by michael sandoval on February 20, 2011 at 8:51pm

I dIscussed with my therapist yesterday that my sadness and grief after a year and a half is due to being traumatised by Denise's cancer and passing. She works with grief and trauma and depression.

Comment by Mary Elizabeth Webb on February 18, 2011 at 9:20am

Karen, I am sorry for the pain you feel. I wish I could take your pain away..and anyone whose heart is buried in the misery of grief. I know that empitness. I know that it is a common thread we all share, no matter the extent of the circumstance--its there and we all stare at it daily.

I was 12 when I experienced my first death and went to my first funeral..my mother died of breast cancer. It was horrible and it hurt for years. I cried so much and missed her more than anything.  I lost my father to kidney cancer 17 yrs ago and my 40 yr. old brother to pancreatic cancer in 2000. There isn't a certain time frame to feel better or normal again. I don't think you ever "feel" like you did when you had that loved one with you, you evolve and become different and a stronger person.

This is what I have learned and have embraced all these years.. I am 50 yrs. old now.

I miss my parents and brother so much. I know that they are in a better place--free of sickness and pain. I am thankful for that. Our love for them and theirs for us is never broken..it is forever. Our connection to them is never broken. They watch over us and guide us. They hear our prayers and the anguish in our voices as we speak to them. Your daughter lives on in you and her son. We must live for them because they cannot. I see things much differently than most.

I pray that peace in your heart is found. I pray that you can find happiness soon in day to day life and that you learn to manage the pain of your loss, but never letting go of the joy your daughter brought to you. Honor and cherish those memories. Talk about her often to your grandson...let him know how courageous she was.

Comment by Karen Custy on February 17, 2011 at 10:10pm

Sometimes I think we all suffer depression after we have lost a loved one to cancer...I know for me I feel like I have hit the darkest moments of my life since my daughter Lisa passed away...she was my daughter and best friend...I feel I no longer have anyone to fully trust to share my feelings with...no one really understands..some days I don't even want to get out of bed..I open my eyes each morning and remember this is not a bad dream but the truth and I cry...I have visitors coming for the next two months and all I can think about is how much I wish it were Lisa coming to visit me again...Like Michael, to me it feels like Groundhog day every day...when will it change?

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on February 17, 2011 at 7:39pm

michael were the meds bothering you?  just trying some way to help you....for me it helps take the edge off...depression is just such a difficult thing, and I do understand :)

Comment by michael sandoval on February 17, 2011 at 6:01pm

Dear Sheila, iwas on some at first, but have been off them sine aug.

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