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Comment by mercy on July 18, 2011 at 12:47pm

Hi Cynthia dear. I've been away from the internet for almost four days so I'm just now catching up. I really appreciate your concern and understanding. I was away from home for many years and didn't spend enough time with my mom or brother before their deaths. This eats me up inside. I spoke to mom often over the phone and I did my best to be there for her, but still it just feels horrible that I lost so much time with her. Maybe one day, it'll get a little easier, right now its just a horrible nightmare. I really appreciate your uplifting words while you too are enduring so much pain.

Comment by Sue Waxman on July 18, 2011 at 7:23am

How you doing Joseph???? Sue

Comment by Cynthia Horacek on July 17, 2011 at 10:52am

Dear Natalie -

I'm sure that what I'm going to say you've already heard, but I'm going to say it anyway.  Your feeling are so very, very normal!  My husband died 8 months ago and there are still days when I want to just lay down and die; my motivation is practically nill and I think the only thing that keeps me going are my two daughters, planning a wedding for one, and enjoying my two grandsons with the other one.  I was so confused and wondering why my husband who was such a wonderful, loved man had to suffer for so long and why he died so young (57).  I finally went and talked to a Rabbi; I'm not religious, and I still don't know what I believe in, but talking with him really helped me.  I've been in therapy mainly because it's the only place I feel really comfortable talking about my grief and really letting go with it, and it's space I can cry and rant and rave and my therapist doesn't try to make it better; she's just there for me.  But the Rabbi explained a lot of the Jewish beliefs about dying, and it did help.  I told him my whole story, and he just listened, and when I was finished, I said, I don't even know what to ask... and he wisely said "an answer doesn't have to begin with a question."  Please find someone you can talk to, or cry to, or just let out the feelings that are burdening you.  If you don't have a therapist, find one.  Or a support group, or something you can go to on a regular basis where you know you'll be heard and no one will try to talk you out of your feelings.  I am sending you hugs and wishing you all the best as you navigate these very choppy waters.  Hang in there.

Comment by Natalie Westby on July 17, 2011 at 10:01am

Its been a while since i've written.  Its been two months since my mother passed away.  Its been really hard dealing with the loss.  I was hospitalized twice for sucidal thoughts.  I had a plan and everything.  Sometimes, i still wish that I was dead, just to get relief from the pain. 

  I know that my mom wouldn't want me to hurt my self, but it gets to be overwhelming.  I feel so angry with God for taking my mother way from me.  How can someone so kind and good deserve to die like that.  We took care of her as best we could.  We kept her clean and comfortable, but she could hardly breathe and in the end she couldn't move.  I struggle with my grief and guilt everyday.

Natalie

Comment by Cynthia Horacek on July 16, 2011 at 10:52am

Dear Sue- Only 3 weeks!  This is still brand new to you!  I was talking to someone yesterday who just lost her mom (she was 81 and had Parkinson's and it was her time) but we were talking about my loss of my husband, and she said, "It's only been 7 months... it takes time..." so for people to expect you to be back to "normal" after just 3 weeks isn't right!  Even though when someone we love is ill, and death is expected, it doesn't make the loss any easier to bear, or any easier to deal with.  You need time.  And you need to allow yourself to feel all you feel!  Anger, sadness, numbness even.  Mary Elizabeth said it so well.  And I, too, wake up many mornings, and say the same thing - but I use another word for crap!  Many times I go to bed thinking, "take me, too.  I'm ready."  But I wake up, and it's another day.  I go to bed just glad the day is over.  Hang in there.  Give yourself permission and a time when you can just let it all out. 

I'm sending you hugs and thinking of you.

 

Comment by Mary Elizabeth Webb on July 16, 2011 at 8:57am

Dear sue, my heart goes out to you during this painful process called grief. I lost my mother to cancer as well. I was 12 she was only 39. That was 38 years ago. Always fresh in my mind as the most difficult time in my life. Please know your pain does not go unnoticed. I feel every tear and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Cancer has destroyed my family. I also lost my father and only brother to cancer. I don't have all the answers but wanted you to know everyone is different. There is no set time for any of us to grieve. I hated my life after my mother left us. It was hard and a very tumoltrous time in my life.
Take as much time as you need for anger, sadness and tears. Life is never the same without the love of our mothers. That is for sure. I was only glad that my mother ( father & brother) did not have to suffer any longer. Cancer took away their quality of life,
I fond peace that they are together in a better place. We must try to continue living for them, that is what all our loved ones wish for us. To live on - for them. place your energy in finding a cure for this life ruining disease. Help save others so their families aren't destroyed. Share your feelings with others going through this same journey. It feels good to teach out to others.
Please take care. I care that you are struggling with this hole in your life. Feel free to contact me any time
Fondly
Mary

Comment by Sue Waxman on July 16, 2011 at 8:40am

I woke up this morning and my first thought was "crap..I'm still breathing". So many people struggling to live and I am praying to be taken. I miss my darling mother more than I could ever, ever imagine. How do we live when all that is left is going to work..putting on a deccent front....it seems everyone expects you to be doing fine already. It has only been 3 weeks since that cancer murdered her. I hope the Lord pulls up my number soon. No one else is more ready than I am.

Comment by Sue Waxman on July 16, 2011 at 8:16am

My friend Kim and I are going to see the movie tonight. I am having a bad morning this morning. Every night I dream of the healthy mom and I wake up and I am so angry her body was taken from her with cancer. I miss her more every day. I am also having some difficulties at work - drama that I just do not need. I am just TIRED.

Comment by Jeanne Potter on July 14, 2011 at 11:29am

Thanks Sue, it has always brought one to mine. I guess it is bittersweet tomorrow when the last movie comes out forever. Harry always puts a smile on my face wherever he is!

 

Comment by Sue Waxman on July 14, 2011 at 10:48am

I think Harry Potter should bring a smile to your face. This is a very cute story you have shared with us. Our memories are such a gift. When I go and see the new Harry Potter movie I will think of your Harry. Huggs Sue

 

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