Comment

Comment by Arielle on July 21, 2011 at 7:22pm

Barbara you're not alone.

Comment by Anne Delina Johnson on July 21, 2011 at 7:15pm

Barbra,

  I understand, it's 11 years since my grandfather passed, and his birthday is always difficult for me. I cannot say it will be easier, but I always wish him a happy birthday and have a piece of cake in his honor. 

Comment by Barbra Ingrassia Fairman on July 21, 2011 at 6:00pm

today is my brother's second birthday without us. not the least bit easier than the first. in a lot ways much much worse. not strong at all today. feeling broken,alone in my grief.

Comment by Joseph Weston on July 21, 2011 at 5:24pm

Jan, We travel similar roads. A client of mine (a rather thoughtful one), sent me this to ponder today. Here it is:

 

"Pain is a reminder of how much we loved the one we lost.  Look at the depth of pain as an inverse measurement that shows your capacity for love."

 

It moved me, and has really helped in the really hard times.

 

Comment by Jan Duvenage on July 20, 2011 at 11:40am

Hi Joseph,

I know exactly how you feel, i lost my beautifull wife Margi last year April 19th also to pancreatic cancer. We were married originally in 1992 and had a stormy marraige as my wife was a singer and entertainer and my jealousy sometimes went overboard. We were seperated for a brief spell and then re-united and then re-located to a different area to start a different business venture. We had the business for 5 years , during this time she was still singing at night to help our struggling business to survive. After a joint decision we got divorced in December 2005. We remained close and good friends the whole time visiting each other regularly. I even offered to help her move to a new house and to take extended leave to renovate the new home she was moving to in 2008 when she let me know she was diagnosed with acute pancreatitus and that the doctors were worried about a growth on the pancreas. I resigned my job and moved down to her again becuase she has and were allwyas going to be the love of my life. It was devestating to hear when the doctors gave us the news that the growth was malignant. I was shocked and confused...the doctors gave her 6 to 9 months and we all had to prepare for it as she refused any kind of treatment especially when she found out about the effect of chemo and radio therapy and that the success rate for this specific cancer was extremely low to none existent. February 2009 came and she was still looking and feeling reasonably healthy and after checking with the consulting doctors they were surprised to see and hear that she was still alive . They went through all the history and paperwork and gave us even more shocking news, she had been misdiagnosed and that she was one of a small percentage that shows all the signs even with the biopsies but it wasn't cancer and that we could go ahead and enjoy the rest of our lives, in the meantime we had remarried in December 2008 because we both knew we have and were allways meant to be together. She lived with some discomfort which the doctors ascribed to having had to put in a stent because of the pancreatitus she had that made her jaundiced. The pain got worse as time went on and on boxing day 26 December 2009 i had to rush her through to casualty as the pain was unbearable. They diagnosed a blocked stent and in january 2010 she went in to have the old one removed and a new one put in. The pain never really got any better and beginning April i had to take her back in for a checkup and to see what else could be done to alleviate the pain. Once again i got the shocking news which i couldn't believe, now it was full blown late stage pancreatic cancer...how could this be, we were assured she didn't have it and now she has late stage..I couldn;t react and phoned and called all different doctors to find out about what can be done.. Notthing i was told she had weeks maybe days left and to get hold of hospice to prepare her and get her comfortable at home. I couldn;t be strong anymore and broke down especially after seeing her after the prognosis. Our little life was broken and i was going to lose her. 13 days later she was gone, forever and no longer in our lives. I miss her every day and there is so many thing that remind me of her every day. It is not easy and it doesn't even feel if it is getting better but we learn to adapt and survive. Stay strong and allways know that she will be in your heart and in your mind and no one can take that away.

Comment by Sue Waxman on July 20, 2011 at 10:48am

Hello Friends,

Such support, thank you. Today I smelled a candle and it reminded me of how mom smelled. I broke down. I am kind of in a numb state and then suddenly I crash. I am praying and asking for the Lord to guide me. I have given it up to God as the saying goes. Every day is so hard to just deal with people who are so mean and negative. I want to scream at them "My darling mother just died from cancer you a-holes"!!!!!!!!!

Comment by michael sandoval on July 19, 2011 at 9:18pm

Dear Joseph and Sue,
My condolences to you and to everyone. This sites helps a lot. My Denise passed away two years in September and I am still struggling. I am on medication (wellbutrin and venlafaxine)and it helps greatly with my sobbing. I have been in therapy since December of 09 (two months after Denise passed). My therapist say I suffer from Post traumatic stress disorder. Denise and I were about to get married when she was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. We just got home from a vacation in India when we were given the bad news and she had emergency surgery. She passed 4 months later. I still cry, get angry, feel lonely, miss her, etc.
I thank all my friends here for making me welcome and like part of a family.

Comment by Joseph Weston on July 18, 2011 at 10:02pm

Joseph is numb right now. I'm seeking professional help tomorrow. Not much else to say right now. To Sue: I imagine what you're feeling is very much like what Cara's children are feeling. They've begun calling, after reading her journals, to say they're so blessed to have had me care for their mother. I can't begin to say how important that is. Someone GETS it.

 

Peace....

Comment by Natalie Westby on July 18, 2011 at 9:44pm

Thanks so much for your support.  If it weren't for this website, grief counceling and group (i go to real group too) I would go insane.  I just feel so alone sometimes,like no one understands what I'm going though.  I'm not trying to milk my grief to make people feel bad for me, but sometimes I feel like people are losing patience with me.    My mom died on 052111, she just died alittle over a month ago.  It still hurts. It will always hurt. Why can't people understand that grief isn't something one just 'gets over'.   

  I feel like my husband wants me to go back to 'normal'.  I know he loves me, but i'm tired of begging for his attention.  He'll spend more time with me for like a day, then a couple of days letter, he'll be right back to the way it was, leaving me feeling alone again.  I'm tired of this.  I'm tired of everything.  I feel like I'm going crazy.  

Comment by mercy on July 18, 2011 at 12:59pm

Hello, Jeanne, thanks so much for your kind words. I've not checked my messages for a few days now, so I missed this message. Yesterday was especially tough, the only thing that gave me comfort is knowing mom was out of physical and emotional pain. I also took my daughter to the park, and the beauty was breath taking. I imagine mom in a place of indescribably beauty, that brought me some measure of comfort. Mom suffered so many loses in the last five years. Her two sons, her brother and sister and her best friend. I cannot even imagine the grief she was dealing with. I can picture her with dad, her three sons her sibblings, her mom and dad, my niece and nephew. I know she's having a great reunion with all of them. My brothers all died very young and I know it was devastating for her. Mom though was a woman of strong conviction, you would never have known that she was grieving. She showed incredible strength and grace in all the loss. I remember her consoling all of us, not in the least bit bitter. I try to draw on moms strength whenever I feel like I can't go on. Thanks all for reading and for all your support, it means the world to me.

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 163
• 164
• 165
• 166
• 167
• …
• 209
• Next ›
• Page