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Comment by Jeanne Potter on February 13, 2012 at 11:51am

I grieve everyday of my life. I have already had a good cry today. I talk to my husband daily and am so sad that that he only got one day of retirement until his death sentence. My life has been turned upside down as all of ours have. Grief is a personal thing and I choose to live and grieve, not just grieve. If I could someday find someone half the man my husband was, it would be nice to be able to have a companion like that. Lets face it, our loved ones are not coming back. Would they really want us to stop our lives do to our already devestating loss. Please don't tell me to go to a dating site or anywhere else. I have chosen to stay with the living and remember the ones that have past and smile when I remember the wonderful times we had together and look forward to when we meet again. My husband and I discussed all of this years before he was sick and we both agreed if this ever happened that we would want each other to go on. We were very upfront in our relationship and when Harry was ill he stayed with that conversation from long ago. He told me that he was glad that he was going first because he could not bear for me to go before him and have to live without me. I told him thanks a lot now I can go through it without you. He told me that I would go on and one day we would meet again. I know he is right here guiding me in what I do. I have not done too bad so far in following our dreams alone, but it is not very fulfilling to do it alone. 

So that is how I grieve and I think you should respect the fact that people are different. When I hear  people on here talk about killing themselves because they cannot go on I cannot believe it and I am so sad for them. As painful as this all is I cannot imagine having those type of thoughts and I thank God for that. So everyone has to find there own way in their own time. I am not ready for a relationship right now. I don't know when I will be, but if it happens I will treasure it and hope it is the last one I ever have. No one should go through this more than once.

Comment by Ron on February 13, 2012 at 10:44am

The two of you really don;t seem to be grieving at all. You both should go onto one of those daing sites.

Comment by Jeanne Potter on February 13, 2012 at 9:46am

Lori I agree with you completely. I turned 61 on Friday and I am hoping to live for a very long time. I am happy on my own with family and friends but would someday like to have the companionship of a wonderful man. I also was in a second mariage and was with my husband for 31 years. He was the most wonderful man on earth as far as I am concerned and I know that he is in a great place and would not want me to live out the rest of my life alone just because I loved him as I did. It is the reason I would want to meet someone and it would not be to take his place, no one ever could. It would just be to enjoy the things that we are missing and to make someone else happy as well. We only go around once in this life and if you can find a little more happiness before you go, I am for it. Not looking, but not looking away either.

Comment by Lori B. on February 13, 2012 at 9:01am

I hate Cancer.   My husband died 7 months ago from lung cancer.  We had an amazing relationship, we met later in life, and 2nd marriages for both of us.  Still, 11 years together, and they were GOOD.  It all leaves me wanting that again, the companionship and love.  I'm not saying that I'm ready right now, but i sure hope to find love again. I'm 52 and really can't imagine not shareing my life with a wonderful man as we go into life.  I tell people this, I blame it on my husband, he was really good for me all the way around, and i for him.  Why wouldn't I want that again, I do.  When, I have no idea. He surprised me, it just worked and we so much better together than alone.  Yeah, i want that again.  Not with him, he's on to other things, but with another. Who?  i have no idea, but i sure hope I recognise him when he comes my way.  I have alot to offer, and I deserve to be loved and happy, and not alone.  I'm ok being alone right now, well yeah, I'm not ALONE, I'm surrounded by good friends and family, its so great.  But still, that next level of intimacy that we share with a partner..I know that i want that again.  And i consider that to be a tribute to my husband who loved me so well, and enriched my life so much...I deffinately want that again, how could i not. I'm 52...to me that's not old, but it's old enough to know who I am...and THAT is good.  I miss Todd everyday, and always will.  That only leaves me wanting to find YOU...all the more, YOU, the next enduring love in my life.  Lori

Comment by michael sandoval on February 12, 2012 at 5:40pm

Amazing but true

Comment by michael sandoval on February 12, 2012 at 5:38pm

When Denise and I were in India in 2009, Denise gave a necklace she purchased in Hrsikesh. I cherished that necklace. It broke a couple times and i always fixed it. About a month and a half ago it broke and I lost it for good. I cried and cried and told her how sorry I was. Two weeks ago, after feeling Denise's presence around me for a bout a week, I pulled into a parking lot near my house on the ground right next to my parked car, was the necklace I lost. Unbelievable, but I know that Denise protected it and guided it back to me. Now it is hanging around my rear view mirror. Thank you Baby

Comment by Cynthia Horacek on February 12, 2012 at 5:28pm

Betsy - I, too, have been having more dreams with Don in them lately. The are not "bad" dreams, nor are they specifically good.  But I agree with you; I think he is sending me a message.  As I said, our 33rd anniversary would have been last Friday, and Valentine's day will be hard, but I'm hosting a wine tasting Tuesday night so I will be occupied.  I'd rather be busy lately than just sit and miss him, although I miss him no matter what.  I can't see myself with anyone else, ever, either; but I do miss being held and having a warm body next to me in bed.  But the only one I want can't be here, so, well, what else can I say?  It's still hard, but not as hard as it was. 

Comment by Betsy Arnold on February 12, 2012 at 1:08pm

Hello everyone,

I so remember all of those phone calls after my husband Dale passed and having to tell them he was deceased. It's been a little over two years and we were married for 18, and to this day I am still getting mail once in a while addressed to him. I have only got a few of those "single" sites sent to me, but I am nowhere near interested in dating again, or marrying anyone else. My soul mate is gone and there will never be another, even though I'm still in my 40's, I just want Dale. I've had dreams about him almost every night now for the last few weeks, and I know he's trying to send me a message that he's here, because I'm going through more life transitions without him lately, and while it's good to see him in my drams and the dreams themselves have been good, it's absolute torture because I wake up and realize all over again that he's physically gone and he's not coming back. I am not looking forward to Valentine's day at all. You all are in my thoughts and prayers. We will get through this...one step at a time.

                                

Comment by Cynthia Horacek on February 12, 2012 at 11:51am

Barbara and All -

When I get those messages from single sites, I look at the bottom of the message for an "unsubscribe" link.  There usually is one. And I put the message in my "junk" folder so my email "learns" what is spam.  But I am in total agreement with you.  I can't see myself - ever - with anyone else but Don.  He was my soul mate.  Friday would have been our 33rd anniversary.  I pretty much started crying from the moment I work up; got through the day and had a social evening with girlfriends Friday night - it helped.  We played games and had a lot of laughter.  

I think the dating sites get our names when someone passes from the county registrars lists when they register a death.  How they get our email, I don't know. 

Comment by Barbara Sutton on February 12, 2012 at 11:10am

Thank God I haven't gotten any of those sites. I don't know. I am not quite a year in to this widow thing but why would I want to replace such an awesome man? I know it's not "replacing" but seriously. Jim was my second marriage. After 16 years together, I just do not see myself trying to do it again. He was so worth the heartache of trying again, and with much hesitation, I am so blessed to have let him take me in to his life. I will just live my life and love my grandson and daughter, and my 2 dogs. That is all that I think I need to carry me the rest of my life.

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