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Comment by Jeanne Potter on June 12, 2012 at 4:36am

Kim, I know it has only been a month, but your grief is so profound. Have you thought about talking to someone about all this? It could help to talk to someone that can really listen and let you get it all out whatever you feel. Take care, Jeanne

Comment by Kim Phillips on June 12, 2012 at 4:30am

Well it is 5:30am and I got up at 4:00am crying and I can't stop.  The pain gets worse as time goes on.  I know it has only been a month but I am so afraid the pain of deeply loving someone and then losing him/her will never go away.  All I feel is emptiness, loneliness and unbearable pain.  I am so glad that I have a site to go to to share with others my pain and not be judged.  Blessings and love to everyone.

 

Comment by anna l. on June 11, 2012 at 12:41am

Michael I hope by now you have found your buddy.  We get so attached to our pets.  I have 1 cat and 3 dogs now and would be as upset as you if one of them was missing. 

Comment by michael sandoval on June 10, 2012 at 11:46pm

it will be three years in September since Denise left her body, and it has not gotten any easier. I am still in therapy and i cry a lot. Today My daughter's dog got out and is missing. I flipped out when i found out. I love that dog. he's my buddy. I started crying, i got angry, sad, wanted to look for the dog, but couldn't think straight. started missing Denise even more. I miss my Denise.

Comment by Mark on June 10, 2012 at 11:29pm

Thanks for the advice Jeanne.  I'm setting an appointment to see a Dr. Tomorrow. See if I can get a referral.  I worked so hard at surpressing any emotions while taking care of her and then immediatley right after her death jumped right into being organized and working.  I probably fall into that category of never grieving and it's causing some problems now.  I also get rashes on my arms and face but I just keep pushing every thing asside.  Watching her slowly die was horrific for me.  Not just dealing with Cancer but unwillingly handing over the fight for survival.  It just wasn't something we'd ever had to face.  Kim I did get what you meant.  I even said the morning mom died it was the first time in my life I had an idea what the word unbearable truly means.  I do cry from a place that is so deep I can't explain it but I avoid it because of that unbearable grief until I just can't fight it any longer. 

Comment by Debbie S on June 10, 2012 at 11:28pm

My life started its downward fall on Feb 14th. A dear friend of my husband and I (boss where we met) died from a massive heart attack. Then a week later the company closed its doors so I lost my job. Then three weeks later the worse day of my life I lost my husband!! My whole world has came crashing down around me!! My birthday was 8 days after my husband past. It is just a blur. His birthday is coming up Wed and it is so unbearable!! We had so many things we still wanted to do. Now I have to make myself leave the house!! Mark I do know I'm depressed. I've been on medicine for it but it doesn't seem to be helping. I go to bed crying and wake up crying. It has been 3 months now and I feel like since the shock has with away the pain is worse. I'm just so lost without him here!!

Comment by Jeanne Potter on June 10, 2012 at 5:48pm

Mark, I am not a Dr. but I have read about the different signs of depression after loss and the eating problem is one of them. If I were you maybe you might want to talk to a professional before you put your health at stake. I am sure your mother would never want anything to happen to you. Please try to get some help. I am really sorry you are going through this.

Comment by Kim Phillips on June 10, 2012 at 3:08pm

Mark what I meant by "almost" is that if it was totally unbearable I would not be able to endure it therefore I would not want to live.  I totally understand your pain.  In the process of her dying and her death, I did not want to eat either.  People were trying to make me eat.  I lost about 15lbs in 3 weeks.  People always say in time it will get easier but when you are that connected I think that is a bunch of bull.  Maybe after a few years the pain isn't quite as intense but I don't think the pain ever goes away when you love someone that deeply.  I think you try to hide the pain and fill the emptiness but everyone is different.

Comment by Mark on June 10, 2012 at 2:30pm

Driving home after work is the worst.  The only thing I can figure is that my mind that has been so filled with work is unwinding.  I've not experienced any problems with around the time my mom passed.  It was very early in the morning 1:45 am  What seems to be a problem for me is my eating habbits.  I'm fully aware of stress eating but I guess I have stress starvation.  I can't stand eating.  I hate the taste of it and have to force myself to eat.  I've lost a lot of weight unintentionally. My neighbor last night brought me over a piece of cake she'd gotten from a baby shower she had been to.  She told me she was worried because I was getting rail thin.  Is that a sign of depression that I'm not aware of?  And to the person who said this is almost unbearable.  For me this is unbearable.  I was so connected to my mom I feel like I'm now on another planet since she's gone.  I can't really even comprehend how this all happened.  There are days I wonder how much more of this I can take and never in my life have I once ever thought of ending my own life.  At this point I'd consider it an act of mercy because the horrific saddness and emptiness is gutwrenching but I keep telling myself to press fwd because they whoeve they are keep saying it gets easier.  It's almost been 6 months maybe its too soon.

Comment by Debbie S on June 10, 2012 at 1:09am

It hits me at 3:25pm. Thats when I got home and found him in bed. Then from that point on its gets worse. The first night my parents wanted me to stay at their house but I couldn't. I felt closer to him in our own bed. Its been 3 months now and I still sleep with his favorie shirt. I still don't know how to handle everything.

 

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