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Comment by Marie Carr on January 30, 2011 at 8:38am

I understand how you feel.  Dont know if you feel worse when you wake up or is that unusual.  I even dreamt I was crying so much really sobbing, last night.

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on January 30, 2011 at 1:37am

geez I miss mom....I never knew how much her loss someday would mean to me....I can still hear her laughter, see her smile....its just hard beyond words....the only way I get away from it is if I try and not think about her, but I want to remember her, but if I think at all about her I just fall apart....she was such a special person, its more than hard to believe she is gone.....I still want to pick up the phone and call her like I did every afternoon....she was always so excited to hear from me....she loved me so....that makes it hurt more somehow, I still have her with me, its just not the same....I cant believe she is gone....I love her so

Comment by Marie Carr on January 24, 2011 at 9:23am

Sometimes I just suddenly feel Scared, that I dont have my mum any more.  I just loved being with her.  Having a cuppa with her n a simple chat, I feel so sad I didnt go to her house so much more, it scares me that its too late now.  I hope she is watching over me and the family. I hope she knows how much I love her.  I too dont feel i have anyone of my siblings to really turn to.  I was only really really close to my mum.  Although I can sometimes get along and sort of feel ok with my eldest brother, it is difficult cos of his problems with effects of long term drug use affecting his mental heath.  He keeps asking if he should end his life.  Cos he is so depressed and says I am the only one who can stop him cos he trusts me and what i say.

Comment by Heli Appenzeller on January 24, 2011 at 3:22am

I miss my beautiful mum so much. I lost her without much warning on December 9, 2010. I've been so busy since then moving house, doing paperwork and running around, basically anything to hide from the reality of my situation. But now that things are slowly down and I have to get back to a normal life, go back to work etc I am really struggling. I feel so empty, so sad, so alone. Mum was my best friend in the whole world, my number one fan, my supporter, my confidante, my advisor, my everything. I get so despondent knowing I will never feel her arms around me for a very long time and knowing that noone will ever love me, care for me or protect me the way she did. Its made harder by the fact I am not able to have any kind of relationship with my remaining family members as they are fighting over the will and make me sick with their greed. I just miss my mummy so much and wish I was with her :(*

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on January 20, 2011 at 7:41pm

but, although this may be hard for some to hear....the beautiful thing before she passed was....a few days before she passed on....she told me how much she loved me, and she held my hand....the sad thing about all this is, even besides her death, was that we had not seen each  other for about a year, the first time I saw her again was at the hospital so sick....so that was hard for me, but at least I was there....and at least the I love yous were exchanged too, and I know she knew I was there for her

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on January 20, 2011 at 7:38pm

again thank you Sharon....it hasnt been that long since my mom passed....if I even think of her I fall apart, this is so hard.....the weird thing was, well, the day she died, I was at the hospital that day with her, I knew that day she was going to pass....I got the call that she was going to pass away a couple hours after coming home from the hospital....a few hours later she passed, I am glad I wasnt there, that would have been too much....she was semi-conscious the day I was with  her, but I AM glad I was with her the last day....it was a god send....but oh my I miss her, so bad it hurts to the very core....I try not and get too upset because it makes my current health problems worse....I have to be careful....Rachel

Comment by sharon on January 18, 2011 at 8:59pm

you are very welcome  and  i know where you are coming from. when i got the call i was over come with tears until i got to the Hospital  and then withthin 5 mins sudden she was gone, as  i remembered before  she slipped into  a coma  on the phone  I LOVE YOU ! the night before she left us  and i am still beatin my self up after 1 year later. even as i watch movies and  i still tear up so i know how you feel.

had you tryed a support group !   i had found a local one  and  its called grieif share  i am sure there is one where u are at,  and it help me  to hear other peoples storys  it helped me and i am still attending it,  you can  get on line and even look  it up as well. its wreath it..  time to heal and think of the good times and as i do follow the footsteps on cooking she loved  to do.. and family gatherings to.. as i did to give thanks  to my mother..

Hang there it will get better  be praying for you and your family

Sharon

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on January 18, 2011 at 7:44pm

thank you sharon, i appreciate your comments, sorry for your loss too....my loss is fairly new too, i need to cut myself a break, i just loved her so much and she was my best friend that the missing her is just devastating, and the death was somewhat sudden, it wasnt expected....i hope and pray for things to get better, this site really helps....thanks again....Rachel

Comment by sharon on January 18, 2011 at 7:17pm

Rachel

I am sure it will  get better in time  i lost my mom 1 year  ago  and just lost my Aunt 4 mos  ago its been a long road for me  and  i still miss  my mom very much,  last month my mom (84) and aunt would had been (91)  both   had a brithday's last month it was hard and i did not think i was going to make it  but i did, with freinds  and family. i am very thankful for . ( mostly for someone who is very specail to you.  i hope  you find peace  and comfort in your lost.

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on January 17, 2011 at 2:26pm

More than anything, I wished that she had made it to her birthday....she would have been 80 in March....it saddens me, but, things happen....I just hope it gets better somehow, someday....Rachel

 

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