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Comment by Sue Waxman on July 25, 2012 at 7:59am

Ariel,

We have all been or still are exactly in the same place as you now are. Your mommy is still there to hear your words. Talk to her. I talk to my mommy all the time. From experience, you have to get to a comfortable place in your mind with what truly is your life now. Things will change as time goes on. Your mother is still your mother. She is just in a different place now. You will see her again. I promise. The hardest thing to do is to give your mother permission to be happy where she is. Loosing your mother is THE MOST painful thing period. Maybe loosing a child is worse. I can't even imagine that. My mother was all I had in the world. I lost her June 26, 2011. I think about her every minute and still cry quite often. The emptiness never goes away. You just learn to live without them in the physical sense. Sometimes I pretend she is on a trip somewhere. Denial is nice sometimes. My friends never even ask how I am. If they only knew the times I cry in my own silence. Please reach out to all of us who are here for you. You are not alone. Sue

Comment by Mary on July 25, 2012 at 7:48am

Its ok Ariel there is nothing wrong with you, with crying, with wanting your mommy and with screaming that you do-I have and I am 51! I am sorry you feel so alone, but if they truly are your friends, they will understand.

Comment by Sue Waxman on July 25, 2012 at 7:14am

Ariel,

I know how you feel. I wish my mom was around for me to bounce things off too.

Comment by Ariel Van Kirk on July 25, 2012 at 12:42am

Hi everyone.  Today has been a really bad day for me.  It was the first time since my mom died last month that I really felt like I needed to talk to her about something.  I was having an issue with my roommate, and all I wanted was to talk to her about it, and she wasnt there.  I held back tears all through work, and then had a temper tantrum in the car on the way home.  All I could say was I want my mommy.  It was the first time I let myself utter those words, and this is really the first time I've written them.  I have been holding them back since the night my dad told me she passed.  I'm crying as I write this, and thats only happening because I'm home alone.  I dont know how to open up to my friends because they all seem so uncomfortable and I dont blame them, I wouldnt be comfortable if I was them. Im so isolated and in so much pain.

Comment by sandee love on July 24, 2012 at 4:07pm

lynda, i wanted you to know that i was with my mom all nite & held her hand b4 she went to heaven.  i had actually left to go back home 250 miles away.  but i have to not beat myself up for not being there. 

Comment by Mary on July 24, 2012 at 11:20am

Lynda, I am sure there really is nothing that anyone can say that will take your pain away. What I can tell you is that your mom was lucky to have you there and perhaps she was just trying to say thanks and I love you.  My mom died March 22, 2012-exactly 21 days after her diagnosis of a brain tumor and she really did not know what was going on.  I think it bothers me more that she was herself on February 27 but on February 29 she didn't know who I was or my sister or any idea what was going on around her-it's surreal!  I had been at hospice with my mom all the time but the evening she died I had to leave because my daughter was in a car accident and totaled her car.  While I was gone, my mom passed away-noone was there with her and that bothers me-but my comfort comes in the words of the chaplains and counselors who told me they believe that many times mothers pass when their children leave the room to spare them . Sue-I re-read your post thinking-is that my sister posting that because my dad left my mom and said the same thing-just that he was a coward and left a note on the refrigerator.  You are right Sue-we are like a family on here.  I was supposed to go to a group support group today for the first time-I couldn't go-I did not want to sit amongst people I did not know and break down and cry.  I will use this group and my support!

Comment by Sue Waxman on July 24, 2012 at 8:04am

Hello Friends,

As always thank you for your support. I wish I could tell you ladies that it gets easier. It remains hard to deal with loosing your mother. My mom and I were very close. She lost her battle with throat cancer June 26, 2011. It truly is (was) horrible to watch your mommy suffer and then watch the life drain out of her face and then she was gone. I will never forget that day. Don't feel guilty you were not with her when she passed. As much as I would not have been any other place but beside her when she took her last breath, it haunts me all the time. I am comforted in knowing she is no longer suffering and in pain. My mom struggled so much in her life after my bio father came home one day and told her he never loved her or us kids and he left. She never got over that day. Now no one can hurt her again. I do feel so alone because she was all I had. My sisters are just selfish and bitter and horrible people that I have had to distance myself from. You are my sisters now. Sue

Comment by Ariel Van Kirk on July 23, 2012 at 11:39pm

Lynda, I wish I could say something profound to you to make you feel better, but what I've learned in the month and a half since my mom died is that there is nothing anyone can say.  Take the time to be with your family now, thats the only thing that got me through.  I was 900 hundred miles away from her when it happened, I wish I could have had the chance you had had to be with her that last day.  

Comment by Ann on July 23, 2012 at 8:54pm

Lynda, I was with my mom for three years.  In the hospital, at chemo appointments, for surgery, and in the end, she died in rehab while I was at home trying to get a little rest so I could keep on working to pay the bills.  I was not there when she died.  That was a year and a half ago and I still can't resolve that fact in my heart.  Hopefully you had chances every day to tell your mom how much you loved her and in the end I think that's what is important.  It's not the last words that matter as much as all the thousands of times that you told her you loved her while she was with you, at least that's what I am hoping.  The pain will never go away, the love will always stay.

Comment by Lynda Pool Vonderlage on July 23, 2012 at 8:19pm

It really hurts to know she tried to say something and couldn't it even appeared as if she was crying. How do I resolve this in my heart?

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