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Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on August 5, 2012 at 11:11pm

Mary, I'm sorry you lost her so quickly.  It is so hard to look at those last Christmas pictures.  Those just tear me up with both my mom and my dad.  I'm sorry you have had to go through this.

Comment by Mary on August 5, 2012 at 11:08pm

This is a picture of my mom with my niece at Christmas.  We did not even know at Christmas time that she had a brain tumor. She died 3 months later on March 22, 2012.  I miss her so much!

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on August 5, 2012 at 10:51pm

Thank you all for sharing pictures of your moms.  They are wonderful pictures and that painting is beautiful.  This is a picture of my mom.  Like you, Linda, this was taken just two or three months before she died of pancreatic cancer.  This was at my nephew's wedding, and she is holding her granddaughter, Caitlin, who is now eight years old.  I had a lump in my throat all day that day.  She was laughing and having a good time, but I kept thinking that I didn't know how much longer she would live, and I wonder how much that was on her mind too.  I miss her so much.  I will never stop missing her.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on August 5, 2012 at 10:46pm

Hi every one.  I haven't been on for a few days due to a lot of things going on in my life, and I was amazed at how many messages there were.  I'm going to try to answer all of them on this page and then will go to the next page. 

Ann - I'm sorry you are in so much pain.  I understand.  When my mom died, I thought I was going to die from the grief pain alone, and I do think that is what killed my dad.  He had a heart attack two weeks to the day after she died.  He survived that but just kept going down hill.  I don't think he wanted to live  He thought, I think, no one really cared other than her.  I guess now that he has passed on too that now he understands how much so many of us wanted him to live and be happy.  I had a relationship with my mom like you had - she was my life.  She's been gone seven years now, although I'm still talking on here because I've had a lot of other losses and my dad recently, but I still miss my mom.  Just last week I was driving in her neighborhood and it seemed like it had been a day since she left and I was still so hurt that I couldn't drive to her house and pick her up and take her out to lunch.  She was my world - my mom, my rock, my mentor, the wind beneath my wings (I have her that song when she was alive and told her that is what she was to me, my best friend, etc.  I had such passion for life before she died, and now it is gone.  That passion came rom her and how much she helped me enjoy life.  So, I kinda do know how you feel.  And, I know it is lonely.  A girlfriend of mine is in a similar situation to yours in that she lost both of her parents and her husband.  Her and her husband were childless, so now she is all alone.  I took her to a grief support group.  I know it is hard.  I will not deny that.  The only thing I want to say is that I know your Mom would NEVER want you to harm yourself to be with her.  She would want you to come to her when it is your natural time.  How do I know this?, because that is what all moms feel unless that mom is dysfunctional in some way, and that was not the case with your mom or you would have never been so close to her.

There was more than one person who remarked on their mom's possessions.  I still have all my mom's clothes.  I'm going to make quilts for all the grand children, but I'm not able to cut her clothes yet.  Those are hers, and I know she doesn't need them now, but I can't bring myself to cut them.  And, I have some of her kitchen stuff here, and when I use it, I can see her beautiful hands on it.  She had large but very feminine and beautiful hands with long fingers (I have short stubby hands like my dad).  My mom had the hands of a pianist - strong and beautiful.  I can see her hands on those things like I saw her hands on them so many times as she cooked for her family.  I miss so many things she cooked, because no one could cook them like her.  I've tried, and my cooking is like dodo compared to her cooking.  My friend who I went to grief support with today is going through stuff right now and throwing out even intimate things like cards and letters.  If she can do that I must trust it is what is good for her, but I can't do that.  That stuff still feels like hers.  I can't look at it.  I can't use it.  But, I can't get rid of it.  I can't even hang pictures of her yet.  There are two pictures of her in a remote corner I don't go to much, and that is all I can handle.  So, I understand how those personal things can have such a big effect.  I think it is normal for some people.  I'm a very sentimental person.  Maybe it is normal for us sentimental types whereas my friend is not sentimental like me and she is finding closure by discarding of things.  I wouldn't find closure - I would find regret if I got rid of these things.  Yet, she is finding closure.  It is amazing how different we all grieve.

Comment by Ann on August 1, 2012 at 2:14pm

What a beautiful painting.  Now she is your guardian angel.

Comment by Sue Waxman on August 1, 2012 at 11:35am

How wonderful to have her art! She is very talented. Note I say "is" not was.

Comment by Lynda Pool Vonderlage on August 1, 2012 at 11:18am

this was the only portrait she did, she called it the bride, and I think of it as her guardian angel.

Comment by Lynda Pool Vonderlage on August 1, 2012 at 11:17am

Comment by Lynda Pool Vonderlage on August 1, 2012 at 11:17am

My Mom was a fantastic artist, we have all of her artwork to enjoy. Her last picture she was working on was for me, and she did not get it finished, but I am going to hang it up the way it is in my house, she was so sick when she was working on it, but she kept on pushing herself. Her courage and strength were amazing she is a true hero!

Comment by Lynda Pool Vonderlage on August 1, 2012 at 11:15am

One of the very last pictures I had taken with my Mom before she died, she was very very sick here, but still had not told us she was. It breaks my heart, this was taken on Memorial day! She died July 23.

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