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Comment by Gordon Thomas on October 2, 2012 at 11:28pm

I never got the chance to say goodbye to my mom. She passed suddenly, and yet she passed slowly, maybe too slowly to notice all of the warning signs. Signs you might have ignored, or signs that didn't add up until you looked back on them after the fact. First of all, I wanted to say my mother loved sunflowers and her favorite color was yellow. She had a way of dropping clues throughout her past for that day that would inevitably come when she would no longer be around for me. You see, what ultimately killed her was an event that happened a year and a half earlier. Feeling empty nest syndrome after her and my father were finally in a large 4 bedroom house by themselves, she signed up to be a substitute teacher at a local school. They put her with the autistic children in public schools to babysit them. The child in class was around 15 years old and was wearing a diaper. His task for the day was to string toy monkeys in a barrel. Not wanting to do it, his current care giver teacher sent my mother over to help him.
Before she could sit down to assist, the 180lb kid hit her so hard across her face he blackened her eye, gave her a concussion, dislocated her retina basically per innately blinding her in one eye. But as time went on there were o slew of other problems. The worst was the loss of smell, taste, and appetite. Be case she was a substite teacher, nothing was to be done for her through workman's comp other than a battery of tests.
Over the 18 months, she slowly lost some weight due to the loss of appetite. On the day of her passing, she has called all of her children to chat with them. Little did I know it was the last conversation we would have. She went with my father and some good neighbor friends to the movies. Afterwards, they came back for a home made meal at the neighbor's house. Around 7pm it started to rain, a soft rain. The neighbor drove them the short way across the street and they settled into their house. She commented to my father what a lovely day the day was. That was the last words she would speak as she went into the kitchen and passed out and died. My father did not find her until too much time had passed. Basically, due to the concussion which had damaged her brain, and the lack of appetite, her blood sugar got too low and she passed out. She did not have enough glucose to tell her heart to beat, her lungs to function, or her brain to function.
Now she always loved the rain, and that night, the people who were supposed to come take her to the funeral home never arrived. Therefore, it was left for me and the driver of the van who did show to carry her out together around 1am in the rain. Now for the ironic part, she was scheduled to see the doctor the next morning regarding her lack of energy.
Now, I wanted to share this with you and some advice for others who are reading this post. You can all dwell on the coulda, shoulda, woulda's this life throws at you prior to you mothers passing. I think of my mother every day and it has almost been two years now. Oh, I am definitely still grieving or I would not be posting this now. You have to think about what your mother would want, or what she would say to you now if you did have that last conversation. I am sure she would not want you to go through all this depression or hurt. She would say something like, I am still here, always with you in your heart, just as if I was in the next room over. Keep talking with me about life's avdentures with me as I will be listening. We will comparing notes when we have the chance to see each other again. (Part 1)

Comment by Mary on October 2, 2012 at 11:09pm

Your post was so beautiful Michael, your mother was a very lucky woman.  I talked to my mom all the time during her last days on this earth and sang to her all the songs from Jersey Boys and This Little Light of Mine and You are My Sunshine.  Until the last day, she would move her toes to the music.  I wasn't there when she took her last breath, I was upset at first, but I think she did not want me to be there since she waited until I had to leave to take that last breath.  I was planning to spend the night at Hospice with her and my daughter was in a car accident and totaled her car and needed me.  I left for only 2 hours and as I was readying to head back I received the call.  It still bothers me that I was not there but the chaplains and nurses and even the doctors told us that they have seen it happen so many times and that I was where I was supposed to be.  Its been 6 months now and I still miss her like crazy. When I read Judy's post about the poster that said "The greatest gift we can give to those who have left us is to live fully in their place," I knew immediately my mom wanted me to do that.  She loved life and loved me and would want me to live my life. This group has been a Godsend as well!

Comment by michael sandoval on October 2, 2012 at 5:46pm

I talked to my mom for three hours before she passed on Friday (9/28/12).  I held her hand and told how much she meant to me, how she influenced me throughout my life, how sorry I was for all the times i argued and bad.  I thanked her for everything she every gave me, including the most important gift, My Dad.  I told what a great couple they are and how much they love each other.  I told her how their 61 year marriage was a testament to their love for each other.  I told her what an amazing person she was, to survive polio at 11 years old, contracted in Mexico City in 1941.  How she traveled from Mexico City to San Diego by herself at 14 years old.  She never complained about her one stiff leg and always did everything for herself.  Even when she used a wheelchair, she would pull it down the stairs, stick it in the car and off she would go, driving with her one good leg.  She washed, cooked, cleaned, and raised three children.  She helped with school projects and made Halloween costumes, she sent me around the world when I was 13, 14 15 years old to see places and experience new things. She was an amazing woman, wife, mother, grandmother, Nana, Auntie, cousin, babysitter and friend.  I told her all of these things and had a great experience assisting her on her journey Back to the Lord.  I was reading the Bible to her, telling her how the sick were healed by touching tassels on Jesus' garments as she took her last breath.  Because of her, I was able to assist her properly in her departure.  You did a great Job Mom.  Love you and miss you.

Comment by Brad Busby on October 1, 2012 at 10:53pm

Night seems to be the very worst time for me, i get so depressed, days seem to be fine, i keep busy and do well, but the nights are terrible, TV does not help at all, the thoughts just rush in, i feel low tonight, going to try and sleep, but don't expect to do well.

Comment by Brad Busby on October 1, 2012 at 3:41pm

Lisa, i know what you mean when you say that things you use to enjoy just don't matter anymore, it has been the same for me, plus i don't sleep much which is making things w\even worse, need to go to my doctor i guess. Lisa all you can do is take everything one day at a time, and try to stay busy, that has helped me. i wish you the best and hope that things will be better for you.

Comment by Brad Busby on October 1, 2012 at 3:34pm

Lisa, my mom passed on August 30 she also had Alzheimer's and her death was a direct result of it., i miss her so much every day and i to am wondering how i will get on with my life, i am alone here with no family, but do have some great and helpful friends. Lisa i hope that over time your life will get better, the pain and the missing your mom i don't think will ever leave.,

but something that Judy posted here makes a lot of sense to me "The greatest gift we can give to those who have left us is to live fully in their place." i am going to try and do my best to live life as my mom would have wanted, i know what she would say to me, get on with your life., so mom i am going to do that.

To Michael i am sorry to hear that your mom passed, thank God she had you there with her, keep in touch with everyone here, they really are very nice and helpful people, God bless you Michael and your mom.

Comment by michael sandoval on October 1, 2012 at 9:48am

My amazing Mom passed away on sept 28th while i was reading the bible to her.  As I was telling her that Lord Jesus was here with us and he would save her, protect her and heal her, she departed.  You did it Mom.  It was beautiful.  I miss you so much.  I love you.

Comment by Judy on September 30, 2012 at 1:29am

PS Saw this poster in a catalog the other day: "The greatest gift we can give to thouse who have left us is to live fully in their place."

Comment by Judy on September 30, 2012 at 1:24am

It's always so humbling to read everyone's posts. I feel so badly for each and every one of you. For you, Michael, I understand that awful time of waiting. It's just brutal. I talked to my mother even though she'd suffered four major strokes & was zoned out on propofol. I have no idea if she heard me or not; I have read here that it's likely that she did, so just keep touching her, soothing her, talking to her. I hope you come back to us after she's gone. The people on this board have helped me so much... Lisa, you're so raw right now; I know that horrible feeling. It's like there is no skin on your bones or like you've had your legs shot out from under you. All of us here "get" what you're going through. It will all seem unreal for quite a while -- my mother died on the 15th of May, and I still cannot wrap my head around it sometimes...

I got my dog on the 26th, and she's been a huge blessing in that there are things I need to do for/with her so my mind can be somewhere else. Nevertheless, I pass by a picture of my mother, and my heart just breaks. I know she'd be glad that I have Sadie now.

Comment by Lisa Osborne on September 28, 2012 at 10:49pm

Thank you Mary. Mom did fight until the end & I know that is what she would want me to do. I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom Michael. I agree with Mary, they can hear you. In Mom's final hours I was talking to her about when I had visited her a few days before. I reminded her about how she said my shirt was pretty & how when I told her I'm Lisa, she said "your the baby". At that moment, eventhough Mom had been unresponsive for two days, a single tear ran down her cheek. She heard me & remembered. That one tear was her way of letting me know that.

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