Comment

Comment by Noreen L. Brill on February 10, 2010 at 6:07pm

I thought we had more time. I had so many things to talk with him about. I wonder did I say I loved him enough. I have a journal now and I write down the things that I wanted to talk about. I don't know how to get over feeling guilty becaue I wan't there.

Comment by Shawn Durham on February 10, 2010 at 3:25pm

My father died January 9th - he'd been sick but he never told my sister and I exactly how sick he was. We didn't even get to say goodbye - he died two hours before we made it to his side (we flew cross-country). Seeing him in his ICU bed was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Amazing how I can be in my 40s and just want my daddy. Like Bethany, I was in the store a few days ago and saw a grandpa, his daughter and her kids... they called the grandma at home to ask what she wanted from the store, and overhearing that made me fall apart. All I could think was my kids and I don't have the opportunity to go to the store with my dad anymore, and it's not fair...... It's something that you know is going to happen at some point in your life, but it is so much harder than I ever thought it would be. :(

Comment by Katherine Ellis on February 4, 2010 at 11:26pm

My Dad has been gone over 10 years now and I still miss him so much. His birthday was last month. Now my Mom is very ill. We have put her in a nursing home but she has dementia on top of all the other things wrong with her. I so wish my Dad was here. He would know just what to do, what to say to her. He was just to young to die. I miss him so much.

Comment by jennifer morris on February 4, 2010 at 11:17am

It has been the same time for me and it seems like the same day....I cannot even accept what has happened and I know I am not well. Every moment I am thinking about the events that led up to that moment at Stanford...I am numb, angry and I don't ever want to believe what has happened....I miss my dad so much it makes me physically ill. I just want hime here living his young life like he is supposed to be.

Comment by susan denner on February 4, 2010 at 6:15am

It has been a a little over a year since I lost my dad. It is like I could have written the earlier posts about returning to work and the nighttime being the worst. When I returned to work - I only went for a few hours on purpose. I wanted to get the whole "how are you" done. I returned on a Friday for a few hours and this seemed to help. It was months before I could close my eyes without seeing my dad lying in hospital bed. There will come a time when you close your eyes and you remember your loved one in better times. That is where I am now thankfully. I still think of him first thing in the morning and last thing at night and countless times throughout the days, but now I remember the dad i had for 69 years, not the dad who was lying in bed sick. Even a year later, I still find so much comfort in these postings, as unfortunately, everyone here gets it. Hang in there and many positive thoughts coming to each and everyone of you.

Comment by Colleen Grady on February 3, 2010 at 7:06am

Bethany,
Good luck with your meeting and I know it's hard but try not to be scared about falling apart. I did that on the first day I returned to work and everyone was very kind and comforting. One thing I've learned over the past 3 months is not to apologize for my emotions. It's so hard to function and I absolutely understand what you are going through. It's 3 months today since my dad passed away. I'll be thinking of you today and sending you strength to get through your day.

Comment by Bethany on February 2, 2010 at 9:42pm

I heard a store clerk today talking about how her dad has retired and he's so bored, so he's always calling her to ask what he can do for her, like go to Sam's Club for her. I wanted to slap her, because why does SHE get to still have her dad and I don't? I feel totally alone- my mom ALREADY seems like she's "moved on" while I am just existing. I try to still function at work, but it's so hard. Tomorrow I go to my corporate headquarters for a meeting and this will be the first time I have seen them since my dad died, and I'm terrified I will fall apart when people sympathize with me.

Comment by Colleen Grady on February 2, 2010 at 7:28pm

I lost my dad three months ago tomorrow and I'm still finding it so hard to move forward. Everything has changed for me and I don't know how to go on. He died quite suddenly after a massive stroke. It was 9 days after his 82 birthday. It's so hard and I too feel that sometimes I can't breathe when it's like I realize all over again that he's actually gone. I can't get the images of him in those last few days out of my head. And I'm struggling with my identity a little. I've always been daddy's girl, so now that he's gone, who am I. I miss him so much. I'm so sorry for everyone's pain here because I know exactly how you all feel and I think it's so hard for people who haven't been through this to understand it at all. I think people at work think I'm "over it" because I seem to be able to "put it away" so to speak at work, but fall apart every evening. I get angry very easily and have little tolerance for people's crap. It's like I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs "your problem is nothing compared to mine"...selfish I know, but I can't help it. I'm grateful to have found somewhere to talk about it.

Comment by Dara on February 2, 2010 at 6:23pm

Andrea I lost my dad Dec 8th and it's almost 2 months for me now too and I feel like it's not real, and I miss him desperately every day. The nights are the worst for me, the silence where I replay everything in my head. I want to believe that it will get better, but it really is so hard right now...the reality that I will never see him again hits me like a ton of bricks and I feel like I can't breathe.

Comment by Dara on January 28, 2010 at 8:13pm

Debbie I know exactly what you mean...There are days when I feel everything is the same, everything is NORMAL, then as soon as I come across a picture or something that reminds me of him I can't believe he's not here..and then everything starts all over again...the tears, the WHY"S, the questions, the how did this happen. I don't think I will ever get over missing him.

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