My intro and my pain

I wanted to give an intro and say "Hello" and say while I am grateful for stumbling upon this site, I am angry and heartbroken to have stumbled upon this site.

It's coming up on 10 months since I lost my soul-mate and hero.  He was my best friend, my rock, and my life has been forever rocked from losing him.  The Friday after we celebrated our 6 year wedding anniversary (we were together for 14 years) he collapsed at work from a heart attack.

He never regained consciousness, and on Monday December 14, I had to make the decision to keep his body alive.  On Tuesday December 15, he was gone.

I have so many emotions, still to this day, that I just cant seem to get past, and I am angry, so angry at people, God, you name it. 

So, I am thankful to have stumbled upon this place where I can honestly speak about what I feel, without people telling me to "move on" or "you'll get over it" or whatever people say when they just dont have anything else to say.

Thanks for allowing me to become a member. 

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Permalink Reply by ShingingLight1967 on October 7, 2016 at 1:36pm

Thank you Anne.

Permalink Reply by Pamela philipp on October 9, 2016 at 11:39am
Welcome my condolences also I also stumbled upon this website and it does help knowing you can share with people who really understand what you are going through
Permalink Reply by bluebird on October 10, 2016 at 7:34pm

Hi Shinging (I am bluebird on another site we both frequent -- at least, I am assuming you are the same ShingingLight).

I'm glad you feel you can express your emotions here. I have found that this is a good site in that regard. I'm sorry you need this site, but glad that you found it.

Permalink Reply by ShingingLight1967 on October 10, 2016 at 8:52pm

Hi bluebird....

I was just going to reply to your post.  Yes it's me from the other site.  The minute I read it, I knew it was you, and wanted to reach out as well.  Nice to have a familiar "face".

I am glad I found this site too.  It's just a better place for me to be able to really express what I am feeling.

How are you doing?

Permalink Reply by bluebird on October 10, 2016 at 9:12pm

Yes, I find that this site is much more open-minded than the other, overall, and the owner/moderator is much more laid back. Anyway, it's good to "see" you.

I'm doing the same as always.

Permalink Reply by Cheryl m. on October 13, 2016 at 10:55pm
Hello, I am also sad you need to be here, but grateful I found this sight... can't write much yet.. thought this many weeks past the incident would be enough... but no... many deep breaths... many long hot deep baths and just mainly many tears. . .hope you all had something other than tears for dinner....
It's amazing how many people out there in the state of Oregon..well and in Japan.. are not comfortable talking about pain or loss! It doesn't help... now I know from one of these sights that it was only since the 60s that repression of feelings about loss has gotten more popular with the culture...

My heart...did you ever know you could hurt so deeply?!

Have a very peaceful evening if possible tonight, new friends....
Permalink Reply by ShingingLight1967 on October 15, 2016 at 8:27pm

Wishing you the best Cheryl.

It's not just Oregon or Japan, it's everywhere. What I have found is that after the memorial service, everyone has moved on with their lives.. and I am left here, alone to face this. 

No one wants to discuss it, no one wants to hear it, they just ask "how are you" and move one.  No one truly wants to know how I am, which is... not good.

Giving you hugs. 

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