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Permalink Reply by Nicole on May 16, 2012 at 2:27am

Hi Chantel

 

I am so sorry to hear about your grandma.  I lost my Dad in Dec 2010 and my Mom in Sep 2011.  Now months later I am still struggling coming to terms with it.  It affects my work, studies, relationships with family and friends, everything.  I have a younger sister who stays in our home.  I live in another town and only get to see her every second weekend.  I feel alone, lost, an orphan who doesn't belong to anyone.  I am 26 and my sister is 24.  We have our whole lives ahead of us and our parents will not be there to see us get married, have children etc.  I have my honours graduation coming up and I will not be attending, what is the point.  My mom was so supportive of me and now she is not here to share in my success.  I am studying further at the moment but it is not going well.  I don't know who to go to when I have a problem or when I am just feeling sad.  My parents were my anchors in life.  I must be strong for my younger sister but it is difficult. 

 

I cannot say anything to make you feel better except that I understand how you feel and you are not alone.  I hope with time things will get better.  It has been almost a year and a half since my dad passed away and 8 months since my mom passed away and it has not got easier for me.

 

Take care and know that I am here if you want to talk.

 

Nicole

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Permalink Reply by Chantel Thibodeaux on May 16, 2012 at 6:59am

Thank you Nicole. I just feel bad for my friends and family because I don't go see them and the only time we talk is if they call me. I just rather stay to myself. It sucks. I told my grandma when she was dying that it was okay for her to go because we would be okay. And I know she can see me and see that I'm not okay. I know shes happier in heaven and not in pain anymore and that makes me happy but I want her here! I want my kids to grow up knowing how great she was. But the only way they will know is when I tell them stories...they won't ACTUALLY know :/

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Permalink Reply by Chantel Thibodeaux on May 16, 2012 at 7:02am

Ps I'm so sorry to hear about your parents. I couldn't imagine what you are going through. My mom has been a listening ear while I cry over my grandma ...I would be lost. I am also here if you ever need to talk.

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Permalink Reply by Kim on May 16, 2012 at 8:41pm

Hi Chantel,

I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your grandma.  My little brother passed away ten years ago in June.  He was four and I was seven (almost eight).  Ten years is a very long time, and I can tell you that the pain does lessen.  It will never ever go away; it will just be a scar that is left on the mind and heart.  One thing I can suggest is talk!  God knows I never did and it makes talking so much more harder when you want to.  I can probably count on my fingers the amount of times I talked about my brothers death and how it affected me. 

You mentioned your kids and I just wanted to tell you to talk about the loss with them.  My parents kind of shut down; I understand why they did but it doesn't make it any easier now.  Your children are young and they don't understand fully what is going on.  For me that not understanding lead to my current confusion.  They say children follow their parents examples; I know I did.  Bottling up everything does not help; it makes it harder, like I said before, to let go of the emotions so deeply buried and hidden.

I don't remember much about my brother and my parents don't talk to about him (his life or his death) too much.  I wish I knew more about him.  The only thing I can remember is the bad or when he was sick.  Good memories are far and fewer in between.  Share memories with your children; it will help you and them.

 

~Kim~

PS:  I'm not much of an advice giver so I don't know if this will help any.  I'm sorry if it doesn't!

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Permalink Reply by Chantel Thibodeaux on May 17, 2012 at 5:48am

Kim...it does help. I never truley thought about really needing to tell my kids about her. My daughter is only 3 months so of course I don't need to talk to her about it lol but my son is 4 and was very.close to her. He'll ask about her sometimes and ado if shes in heaven with her mom and dad and I say yes. I have my grandmas cross. On the cross god is holding Jesus on the cross. And he looks at it and says she is at gods house. I have pictures all over the house. Its so hard to talk about her because I miss her so much, it literally hurts. But I know I need to share memories with my son...

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Permalink Reply by Mary M. on May 18, 2012 at 3:24pm

Hi Chantel, I am sorry for the loss of your grandma.  I think everybody here is giving you great advice.  Don't bottle up your feelings, talk with your family, share stories, remember the good times you had with her.  I think sharing those good memories reminds us that our loved ones are still here with us, in our hearts, in those memories we are sharing.   Like everybody else, I would like to be here for you if you feel a need to talk.  Although I admit I am not on the computer much, if you leave a message I will get back to you, and if we happen to both be on at the same time .. please say hello.  Praying for you and your family.  God Bless!

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Permalink Reply by Chantel Thibodeaux on May 19, 2012 at 3:23am

Thank you. I wish I would have found this site a long time ago because having ppl to talk to that understand truly helps

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