I have lost my cousin who was my Best Friend and more like a Brother to me then a Cousin. Back in 2009 we lost him do to suicide .. And I blame myself everyday for not being there like I was in the past.. You see we lost contact for almost 2 years do to family issues and when I got that call actually for the 2nd time I was in Shock!!!.. Because back in 96 he temp to commit suicide and didn't succeed he drove his car and he was 17 at this time and went to a friends house and stole his friends dads gun and drove towards the Arizona borderline and as he was driving he shot himself..... well after shooting himself he drove off into the ditch along the freeway and put his car in park and he told me he remembers everything going black well if it wasent for a son and a father going hunting that day and driving down that freeway and seeing that there was a car parked in the ditch and stopping to see what was the matter my cousin would have been gone then well to make this story short they air-vac him to Tucson hospital and that is when we found out he survived it but blew out both his eyes so he was going to be blind for the rest of his life... well after all said and done a couple years later he would talk to me about how he wished he never did that because it drove him nuts not being able to see and .... he started drinking and taking Oxycontin well a year after we kinda loss touch he had a son so I thought he was doing good well I heard he wasent it drove him crazy he couldn't see what his son looked like well 3 years after that I get another call telling me to get to the hospital ASAP that my cousin is in the ICU well I get there and my cousin is hooked up on life support and at this time they were running test to see what happen and if he had any brain function well come to find out the blood stop and he was brain dead he drank that night wondering off onto his drive port and passed out and sometime in that time he stop breathing the cops were called they came out and did nothing and the 2nd time they came out the rushed him to the hospital which was the last time I seen my beloved cousin he passed away on April 5th 2009 and I still am not over it every day i cry and cry... and blame myself for not being there for him.... his poor son now has no daddy and the last he seen of his dad was in the hospital to say goodbye... we never new what caused his death in till we got the autopsy back and it read..... suicide due to overdose............ and I dont know what to do I blame myself for not being there for him being we were so close and I miss him dearly and wish none of this never happened!!!! and I don't understand why I cant let go!!!! And on top of losing him I have lost 4 other people right after him so I'm dealing with alot of loved ones who have passed since 2009 all the way till 2012 and I cant deal with this I'm so sad and depressed.... I really would like some support .. and friends that I can just try to get through this with...