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Permalink Reply by Margarita on February 4, 2013 at 10:30pm

What makes it feel even less real to me is that I was out of the country to be with her for over a month, I was away from my kids, my husband and my "regular" life.  I was with her all those days watching her get sicker and sicker, just like you watching my mom wither and die, I went to her funeral, I walked behind her casket at the church and I know she has been cremated.  But since she lived so far I still feel like she's there and I am here, I can pick up the phone and call.  Or she's going to call me.  There is no denial, I know it's happened, I just wish it hadn't.  I can't believe it did.  I want to wake up. Every where I look she's there, just in the dumbest things, and it's heart wrenching.  At church yesterday they invited some boy scouts, troop #814...mom's bday. It's stuff like that all the time. It's like a freaking game with my mind and heart.  Does that make sense?

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Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on February 5, 2013 at 7:01am

yes i get thes days 2 som days i dont no if imhear or in a difrent planet it hurts so mush losing a loved 1 it dose i no it comes on me the tears at the wong tims like i hav no control over it

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Permalink Reply by Christine Leakey on February 5, 2013 at 8:09am

I can relate 100%.. I could have wrote that myself. I'm going through the same thing... starting off really good in the morning and later in the day for no apparent reason I just hit a wall- hard. I can also relate to it not feeling real. I mean, I know that my sister is gone. I saw her laying in the casket at her viewing, I held her hand, stroked her hair and kissed her forehead. I know it was her but I want so badly for it to not be real that I think my mind is just really holding on to what was and not what is. I don't think I'm in denial either. I mean, I know I was before I actually saw her but after I saw her I knew this was really happening. 

I think these are really messed up circumstances that we have all met under but it's so comforting to know that there are others who feel like I do.. that I'm not alone.

I'm so sorry for all of our loss and pain. My thoughts and prayers are with you all <3

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Permalink Reply by Margarita on February 5, 2013 at 8:53am

I guess it's good to know that we can't all be crazy. (just feels that way from time to time)I know that no matter how much anyone around me tries to comfort me they just don't truly "get it" not really. They just want me to feel better, to be better to be back to "normal" to the way I was before.  But the sad truth is that now that for me is completely impossible.  It can't be the way it was, I just have to figure out what the new way has to be, and it isn't easy to figure out alone.  Especially when my mom was always there to help me figure these things out always.

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Permalink Reply by Bob Fredrick on February 5, 2013 at 12:08pm

This is what I'm feeling.  People always told me "call me if I can do anything", or "if there's anything I can do for you let me know."  There is only one thing I want.... one thing that could be done, and that's for Sue to come back to me, and that's just not going to happen.  I want to feel "normal" again, but after 3 months I still struggling to find a new "normal".  I'm really just trying to figure it all out.  It's hard and it's painful, but at least I know that there are others who are going through the same thing, and I'm not going crazy, or becoming inconsolably depressed.  I'm just going through so much at the moment, and then with the grief I never know what to expect.  Will I be productive, and feel ok, or will it be a day that I spend most of it looking at the walls.  I never know, and it IS frustrating!

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Permalink Reply by Margarita on February 5, 2013 at 12:18pm

my favorite is call me if i can do anything, and then they spend the time telling you that you can't feel the way you do, or that you shouldn't feel this way or that.  That you need to snap out of it.  Others have gone through it, you are not the first person to lose your mom (or important person in your life) let's go, toughen up.  I just want to say ---- you and leave me alone. But i just sit there and say uh huh uh huh uh huh just to be polite and bite my tongue

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Permalink Reply by Bob Fredrick on February 5, 2013 at 12:45pm

I'm lucky in that everyone just kind of lets me be.  No one is calling much anymore except family, but I always expected that.  Management at work has been more than understanding, and hasn't put any pressure on me.  In fact, they've "bent" the rules to help me out.... but the people I work with expect me to already be back to "normal" by now and certainly don't understand.  My job requires me to have a lot of focus, and constant attention, but it's a struggle when I'm having a down day.  They don't get that, and all I get are insults and sarcastic remarks.  Reading helps me out a lot, because at least I know what I'm feeling is ok, and that I'll go through this at my own pace.  I can't rush it (as much as I'd love to) so I just have to deal with it. 

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Permalink Reply by Bob Fredrick on February 5, 2013 at 7:09pm

We each grieve in our own way, but no one really understands unless they have been there, done that.  I'm lucky in that I'm in relatively good health...I can't imagine me with health issues right now.  I don't have to say it Shawna, but you know your mom would want you to take care of yourself.  I know it's not always easy... sometimes I don't feel like eating, or moving around like I know I need to.  That's when I have to push myself.  I know it's really hard Shawna.  Things just aren't the same.... but we do have to go on.  Take Care!

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Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on February 6, 2013 at 8:17am

it helps coming on hear margarita its the only grief suport a lot of us only hava lot of us dont hav the grief suprt groups in our areas in wear we liv thy hav suprot groups for adicts wish i no its a illness it timees we wishet all of our loved 1s wud com bac and giv us all a hug and say evry thng is going to be ok even if it not ok l

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