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Permalink Reply by Robin on June 8, 2016 at 5:36pm

I feel your pain and wish I had an answer, my husband of 26 years passed three weeks ago and the pain the emptyness sometimes feels unbearable, my husband had lumps all over his body for five years and he never went to the doctor he was getting more tired and his appetite was gone, I went to work, got the call and went home he was gone I had signs and I still never expected it or I chose to not want to think the worse, I wish I had the answers but I don't I just want you to know your pain is understood and shared.

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Permalink Reply by bluebird on June 8, 2016 at 7:33pm

My husband and I were together, in love and happy and monogamous, for nearly 13 years, married for exactly one week when he died of an unexpected and massive heart attack.  He is the love of my life, the only man I have ever been with (ever dated, ever loved, ever made love with), and the only one I ever will be with.  I feel guilty, too, for not knowing he was having heart problems (I am not sure if he knew or not, but we should have known, because his father has serious heart problems).  For me, everything is surreal and nothing matters.  As for god, I do not believe there is any such being.

You are not alone in feeling as you do.  Life without my soulmate is horrible.  I also feel that I am losing my mind.  I'm sorry you are in this shitty situation too.

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Permalink Reply by kathy kwasnica on June 9, 2016 at 2:51pm

Hi Bluebird,

I never had a serious relationship until I met my fiancee through one of those dating services. it was a miracle because the majority of the guys on the site just wanted to hook up.

I  too would talk to him everyday and he would tell me to call him before I left work. That day he never picked up the phone. I had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. When i got home the radio was on and I found him on the floor. The coroner said it was an acute myocardial infarction. I pray to god everyday that he went quickly. I feel like I am in a dream world, or more exactly that the world is solid, but I am not.

I feel like I am losing my mind also. My therapist says that I am not. anti anxiety meds are helping some. He believed in God and Buddhism. So why would they take him?

Hang in there

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Permalink Reply by HollowHeart on June 9, 2016 at 4:12pm

My story does not involve a husband, but I lost my sister several months ago and she was like my soul mate. We were very close, people thought we were twins. We did everything together so it was like losing a spouse. She had heart problems and was having issues the weekend before she passed. I just kept waiting and waiting. The night before she passed she was basically unconscious, and still my mom and I decided to call 911 in the morning instead of calling right then. How stupid we were! I think I was in denial that the worst could happen and my mom was zero help in the matter. She left the decisions up to me.

I feel like I'm still going crazy. Believe me, you are not alone. I did not keep taking my anti-depressant meds, I should have, I didn't let them kick in. I think I need some drugs, I am very very depressed and sad all the time. She is on my mind night and day. It makes me insane. The longing for someone and the frustration that you can do nothing about it is maddening.

As for God, I never 'gave it up to God' as most people do. I was never very religious. It's very sad to me when good people die young, but evil reigns.  God has done nothing for me.

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Permalink Reply by Dennis C. on June 11, 2016 at 6:27am

Kathy

God is not to blame for death. Actually the Bible calls death an enemy.

• 1 Corinthians 15:26 And the last enemy, death, is to be brought to nothing

Notice what it says... Death is an enemy and Death will be brought to nothing.

The Bible also tells us this about God.

• Job 34:10 So listen to me, you men of understanding: It is unthinkable for the true God to act wickedly, For the Almighty to do wrong!

In fact Jesus said this about death and life.

• Joh 11:25 Jesus said to her: “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who exercises faith in me, even though he dies, will come to life;

The Bible tells us that God, and his Son Jesus will really SOLVE the problem. They will reunite us with our loved one. They will bring our loved one BACK to life. God is not the one to blame. He is the solution.

The questions that come from that are:

     Why does God allow suffering?

     Why do we die?

     What will God do about it, and When?

These questions are all answered in the Bible. We just have to look into it with an open mind. (not tainted by religious teaching)

I certainly don't want to be preachy either. I understand that their are many feelings about God. Some are angry, some blame him, some reject him, some don't even believe in him. And those beliefs are strongly held by those that have them. And I find it interesting that Each belief has been expressed on this sight with vigor, and have found a place here. They have all helped someone.

And as for me, I have no agenda but to share comfort that I have found with others.  What I talk about COMFORTS ME, and Many others that I know. So maybe it can comfort others. I can only hope.

I hope it comforts you.

I wish that I could do more, but know that I care and that I will do anything I can to help my fellow grievers.  

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