to all of who have suffered the loss of a spouse,

we have had to endure endless days and nights of immeasurable pain.  A pain that is indescribable to all but to those who are experiencing it.  A chasm so deep that there isn't anything that can fill the void left.

I have times. like I had from November through January, where the pain was so gut wrenching, so unbelievably torturous that I couldnt walk, talk eat or sleep for days at a time.  For this fifth year anniversary it was…

On February 18,2018 my daughter passed away from cancer. She had been battling it for 5 yrs.and today its been one month that she took her last breath.It still doesn't seem real, I miss her every day, she lived in FL  with her children,grandchildren,and husband,we talked on the phone every Mon. & Thurs.for hours (she was my best friend). I flew down to FL when they  brought her to Hospice,as there was nothing more they could do for her,but to make her comfortable and I sat with her,as…

    8 days 7 hours and 25 minutes ago I held my daughter as they turned off the machines and she slipped away. It's kind of a blur after that. Organ donations, funeral arraignments, getting her stuff from her apartment, people calling and coming by. So many people saying "if you need anything, just call." But what can they do, really? So much sadness and anger. Through all of it, I keep getting flashes of her face and body as they brought her out of the apartment. I knew when I saw her, blue…

When does the pain and regret of all the things I coulda done and shoulda said go away? Why do I have to think of it literally every waking moment and even as soon as i wake up in the middle of the night simply because i have to pee and dream about it when I'm actually able to sleep. We were seperated for almost 2 years before he was killed so why does it hurt so bad now that he's gone? Why?.... because he was my best friend, because we still talked. All day. Every…

I've been praying nightly to God. I remember when Mommy was sick, when she was in the bed. Mommy always said she was mad at God for her condition. I told her outright, "Mommy God didn't shove the cigarettes down your throat, you did that all on your own. It is your own fault you are in that bed right now." No matter how bad Mommy got, I never once blamed the Lord. I couldn't. It was like the same reasons I was overweight and morbidly obese as a young adult. I was the one who loved food. I…