Hi Nora, losing your Mom at such a young age is honestly devastating. Sadly my Mom was very abusive to my brother and myself. I lost my sight at 18 years old and she made me clean the house and do everything, including theironing, washing. Even down to cleaning the carpet with a hand brush, polishing the furniture and more. Again sadly using the threat of violence if it wasn't done properly. After she died I found out that as a child she was both sexualy and physically abused. I had long forgiven her for what happened  with my brother and I. Inside she was a lovely person and loving as well at times. I still love her very much and she made me the person I am today. I can do things that a stereotypical blind person is not supposed to be able to do. I've just finished writing a song about grief and in the next week or so I will record the basic song and try to find a site I can upload it to so members on here can listen to it. I picked up my guitar after 4 years. When my girlfriend died, I lost my heart and soul. I'm slowly getting it back. The song isn't perfect yet but I think it is, hopefully those in our situation can listen to and appreciate, they are not alone in their grief. sending you huggs, from Bonnie scotland. xxx

Hi Nora, Thank you for a wonderful and heart felt reply. I understand as much as is possible your horrendous childhood and growing up, your bitterness towards your Father and three temporary mothers. That must have been hell for you. Yet through it all I sense a genuine loving, caring person inside you. Only shining through at times. I taught myself to forgive easily. That way I don't live with the trauma as much. I also try to understand people and not just their actions. I look at why things happen. I am still close to an x girlfriend of mine and she fell out of love with me, she asked me to give her away at her wedding. Which I did. I was proud to do that for her. We are still very good friends and have made a promise that our friendship would last forever. I was older than she was and that didn't make any difference with her. Yet I remember the pain and hurt at the break up. Again I forgave her and don't regret the time we had together. Again forgivness has to come from the heart and not just esthetically meant. Because I can forgive people, not everyone can do that. We are all very different and none of us are the same. When you wrote Hello Bonnie, you made me smile. I have a friend on facebook who always refers to me as her Bonnie Lad, she lives in England and I in Scotland. I refer to her as my bonnie lass.lol I have a song on youtube that I wrote for my x girlfriends wedding. I am playing the song live at the Wedding reception. A minute before the song was recorded I was in a kilt and Scottish outfit. I changed quickly to my cowboy shirt and boots.lol If you look for bjcolt001 the song is called special day and it is on youtube. My stage name is bjcolt hence the billy Jo colt. I intend making it to Texas in the next few years, as that is where Country music is nowadays. Nashville is not the same any more. The only problem with youtube is that I have to upload either pictures or a video with the audio track. I am not able to do that and i'm trying to find a web site that just uploads the audio track. Thank you so much for replying you have made me smile today. sending you hugggs from Scotland, xxx

Grieving is a very personal thing. It also depends on the ammount of love involved. The stronger the love the more painfull the grieving process is. In time some come to accept it, others never accept the loss. Friendship, true friendship, understanding, sharing and a sense of each others feelings is important to get through the grieving process. That may not be the answer for everyone, I accept that. At least we may have made a genuine friendship and that is a positive and not a negative. My song should be recorded some time this week. Take care and hope you are enjoying your vacation.