It's stories like yours that make me back off on my whining and complaining. Like you, I am 62. I lost my husband 18 months ago to cancer. Whereas I loved being married to Bill(27 years), I just don't see me getting that close to anyone else. Yet, I do miss the companionship...the built-in playmate...someone to talk and share life with. Before he died he told me he wanted me to continue living and find someone. Before he died I told him he was NUTS...I didn't want to "break in" anyone new. I really want my old life back, but I know that will never be.

We survive hour by hour, day by day. The first year I felt like a huge gaping hole was in the center of my chest, couldn't understand why no one could see it. The hole seems to have filled in, but I still get blind-sided. I don't think most people understand unless they have experienced it. I am lucky in that I have a couple of friends who let me talk and remember Bill. This site also helps.