Miriam Holmes

Female

Marthasville, MO

United States

Profile Information:

About Me:

I have been married for 51 years. My husband has Parkinson's, limited to his right arm and jaw at this time. We live in the woods, literally. I love the wild and have hiked and backpacked my entire adult life. Photographing wildflowers is a great pleasure. I have been a teacher and a caseworker for the state, but did not work while my children were growing up. My addiction is reading. My tastes are eclectic. History, biographies, and mysteries are favorites, but I read all sorts of things. I have two children, a daughter and a son, one grandson, and a very loving extended family close to me. But I am very introverted and private, my closest friend has serious health problems and is only occasionally available. So I do feel isolated when I need to talk about certain things.

About my Loss:

I lost my uncle in July. He was 86 years old, and we knew he had stage 4 prostate cancer. But he seemed to be doing well. I am certain now that he was lying to me about his health. We were very close. I was the daughter he never had. He tried to provide some of the masculine support that I did not get from my father. Though he lived in Atlanta we saw him twice a year and I spoke to him by phone regularly, every day for the last two years.
Then at the end of October I lost a cousin that was very dear to me. This is the loss that is hard for people to understand, and the one that has hit me very, very hard. He was born in our bathroom when I was 8 years old. I thought it was wonderful and from then on felt a special bond. He was mentally challenged and went into care in his teens. We lived in Missouri and his family lived in Iowa. But we went there almost every Thanksgiving and Christmas so I saw him regularly. Even when he went into care, Mother took us to visit him. When he was in his early twenties, my grandfather asked me to take over as the family contact for him. He had 3 brothers, but they had nothing to do with him. So I was his advocate with his caregivers and his only family for 40 years with the exception of one brother who started taking him to lunch 2 or 3 times a year for about 8 years before he died. He was my responsibility. It wasn't easy doing it long distance; but after thorough research I concluded that his daily life would be much better in Iowa.There were good times and bad times. There were problems. There were phone calls, cards, birthday presents. We visited him. He visited us. For more than 20 years he has spent a week with us at Christmas. There were times I failed him. But he did grow and mature and these last years he was more outgoing, more independent, more easy to love. And he gave love readily. He loved me very much, as I loved him. I finally did realize that I have lost a dear child, oversize, but a child, about 8 years old.
I'm still crying a lot.

Comment Wall: