Lisa, I had one of those days where the pain felt like someone  hit me with a sledge hammer, it did literally take my breath away. Three months ago from today, is when we lost my son, Zach. I keep reliving that horrible day, over in my mind and can't stop it. It has been like I have been in a  horrible nightmare. I still don't think I have truly accepted it. I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on anyone. I have lost so many loved ones, and my husband and I used to say, we didn't think we would be able to go on if we ever lost one of our kids. Then when it happened it was too horrible to even believe that it was real. They weren't going to let me see my son, because he had fallen 80-100 ft., but I told them that I had too because when my brother died, I didn't get to see him. I had dreams of  him coming back and telling me it was a terrible mix up that it really wasn't him. When I saw Zach, all I could keep saying was that it didn't look like him. The other day it hit me, I think I have been kind of some how hoping that since it didn't look like Zach to me, that maybe it really wasn't him. I know that sounds crazy, because I know it was  him, but I guess subconsciously I was trying to pretend that it wasn't him and that it was all a horrible mistake. I don't know how we go on with our lives again. It is so hard to picture the holidays or vacations or anything without him. Zach's birthday is on the 16th, he would have been 24. I can't get over the fact that I got to become 54, and how unfair life can be that my son will never get to get married, or become a father. I think that is sad for all of us, that we had so many hopes and dreams for our children and then those are all taken away from us in an instant. My prayer for all of us is that we can find some peace, and pray that in time we can cherish those happy memories and think about that without feeling so much pain. You are in my prayers. Robin

Lisa, I am sorry to hear of your loss.  I love the photos of your daughter in her blue gown, so beautiful. Prom night?  I am also sorry to hear about your boyfriend abandoning you at this time.  I have been through this as well; my bf wasn't available during the time my son was fighting cancer, and I found out later it was because he was online dating!  He ended up having a woman from out of state come to stay with him for 5 days, when he couldn't be there for me at all.  It sucked.  I told him that he was not a real man, that my son Silas showed me what it means to be a real man.  Months later he wanted to get together, and has cried to me about how he made a mistake, blah blah blah.  I tell him, "yes, you really did F*** up, thank you."  I don't need this, and you don't need this.  You will get through the pain of this.  As we both know, we have witnessed the end of our world as we knew it with the loss of our children.  Nothing can be worse than that...  My heart goes out to  you my friend.  Take care, as best as you can.  

Dear Lisa, I am so sorry to hear about your niece. You and all your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I would not wish what we have had to go through on any one, especially some one we love. My brother,  lost his son, a couple of years before I lost my son, and I know how hard it was for him to watch me go through the pain that he went through. Prayers and hugs for you and your family. Robin