Bonnie I am sorry for your loss. This is the toughest time of your life, but it sounds like you have the right attitude. Look for the good in life and grab onto it. I am 2 1/2 years into living a life without my husband and still trying to adapt and move forward. I try to find something good in eveyday. The future is very scary when you do don't have that one person around to help. Use this site as a sounding board...you will feel better understood.

Lord knows I understand where you are coming from. My husband was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. Docs figured it had been brewing for at least 4 years....he had back and hip pain for almost 3 years but was attributed to arthritis and activity...He was in a lot of pain yet decided to go thru chemo and radiation because he wanted every minute he could get...it killed me watching him go thru it. We managed to celebrate our 27th anniversary and he was gone 2 weeks later.. Not a day goes by where I wish he was still alive...but I have to believe he is in a better place and better off...yet I hate the thought that I could live another 20 years without him