Susan, I'm sorry you had to join us in our misery. I lost my husband less than a year after he was diagnosed with StageIV Lung Cancer. He was 57.
I also spent that time, after he was diagnosed, taking care of him...while he tried to get everything in order so that I wouldn't have an even tougher time once he was gone. In my head I know that I/we did everything we could to fight and give him more time; in my heart, I question everything. I spent the first 6 months angry at the world and God for taking him from me...I've resigned myself that this is the "new norm". I've been very fortunate that I have several friends who let me talk about Bill, let me talk about how I feel honestly...Got more sympathy out of friends than my own family. Just had a friend yesterday tell me she wished she had done more to help me...I told her that since I didn't know what to ask for help with that just her listening was really more helpful. Give yourself time...let someone know that you could just use a little shoulder every now and then. You don't have to shoulder it all yourself! And there's always this forum...rant and rave here...no judgment...just sympathetic understanding.

I hear you! As the days turn into weeks and months and eventually years you'll probably notice people have even less "sympathy" for your situation. It really does boil down to: if you haven't gone thru it you just don't fully get it. Then, if you're like me, you have some periods of reflective guilt, wondering if you have been sympathetic enough to family and friends who went thru this hell before you.
Life....you just never know what it's going to throw at you...so just keep pushing forward...nothing you can do about the past.