I am not sure if you like to read, but I read "The Shack" by William Young and it really helped me. I am by no means better, but I have a new perspective on things. I wince in pain every time I think of my mom and not a moment goes by that she isn't in my thoughts. These are definitely tough times. People say time heals, I am not so sure about that, I think time just gets us closer to being with them again. I know my mom would hate to see me so miserable though and the same for your husband. Somehow, someway we have to get through this and make them proud.

Someone gave me a good piece of advice when I said the same very thing about not understanding God or the way he did things. For the life of me, I see no good reason to take my mom from me when I am only 32 and have 2 small kids and she is the only parent in my life I have ever truly been able to count on. The advice they gave me that brought me some comfort was that we are only seeing things through a very small perspective. If we could zoom back out and see the entire quilt that God is putting together to make a better ending for us all, we would see the reason behind everything. I love God and I do trust him, but I have a hard time questioning his reasoning sometime. It is alo true that God didn't put diesease here on this Earth, but he is the one that carries us through diesease and loss.

I meant to say UNDERSTANDING his reasoning, not questioning it. Sorry for the typo you will see below. As for the book, its a hard read the first 40 pages kinda drag by but then it takes off. It is about a tragedy (not cancer or diesease) but a tragedy that would be hard to deal with and you see the entire time how God was carrying your loved one and you even though you might not have thought so. God shows up in all kinds of ways and it was really neat to read how things transpired in this book. I suggested it to my friend who is grieving the loss of her daughter and it really helped her too. I hope you get to read it.