I am so so sorry for your loss. Having a spouse leave unexpectedly must be devastating and shocking. I know that you just want to go with him but what about your children? I lost my Mom (only parent I have) three months ago and she meant the world to me. I too, wanted to curl up and scream. I have a husband and two small children to take care of and although my husband took some time off, it was not nearly enough time for me to ever be or act "normal".. I also have to understand and realize ..like I lost a Mom, my kids lost the only living grandmother (my husband's Mom passed away when my oldest was only three and she never met my youngest son) so that keeps me grounded..for now.