I am so sorry Neil. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family. I can't believe how quickly it was from when she was diagnosed to when she passed away. I am so so sorry. What kind of cancer did your wife have? I lost my mom (she was 55) to lung cancer in January. She had never smoked a day in her life, but somehow got lung cancer. Go figure and by the time they diagnosed her it was stage 4. She fought hard for almost 2 years with rounds and rounds of horrible chemo and radiation but sadly lost her battle on Jan 22. I am not sure what it harder loosing someone as quickly as you did or watching someone deteriorate the way I had to see my mom do. Lets just say either way just flat out sucks! I am sure your kids are probably around my age. I am 32. Its a young age to lose your mom and like you and your kids, I am sure you are sad your wife isn't going to be around to see your grandkids grow up. I have an almost 6 year old daughter that my mom adored and a 2 year old she barely got to know and I am pregnant with baby 3. It is very hard w/out her here. I think the best advice I can give you or thing I can tell you is you are never going to get over this (no amount of time will make it better in my opinion) but hopefully we will learn to cope better. Feel free to vent anytime. I am here if you need an ear. Hugs and prayers to you ((())K

Hi there Neil. No amount of words, thoughts or wishes will make this easier. I lost my beloved soulmate and wife on the 19th of April this year to pancreatic cancer. Watching someone you love more than life slipping away in front of you seems like the scene of a movie, you are seeing it but you don't and won't accept it is happening to you. All i can say is hang in there, the pain does eventually subside mine has only been 7 weeks but i still have emotional moments especially when i am alone in our bedroom in the bed we shared. There will be bad days filled with anxiety and grief and good days with memories and remembrance of time spent wih her. All i can say further to this is work through it at your own pace and let no one tell you how to work through this.
If you have any need to talk about it then let me know.
Good luck and best wishes.

Jan

Dear Neil, the rush and flurry of caregiving, decision making, and trying to keep warm hearted loving alive with my mom until her death only 3 weeks ago today is still surrounding me. With a life filled with family and work as well, finding time at home alone to feel.....to feel. I understand. My heart and waves of kindness stretch out to you now. My mom was diagnosed in January, began hospice in March and passed away June 8. Losing my mom to cancer, at her side to the end, at 89, was painful.
I realize you have lost your other half. Your beloved. Grieving and mourning is so intimate. Respecting and honoring those gone and those grieving is why we were put on the planet together with other souls. I cannot know the pain you know, that is intimately yours. I can only offer you and your family my most sincere prayers and the heartfelt willingness to listen. Bless you and your family.