Thank you Jackie  for your comments.  You seem to be going through the exact thing I am.  Noone to say "you look beautiful, I love you so much, it hurts".  Never again will I receive such undying devotion and love.  Life is so lonely and empty.  I hope we both can go through this grief and feel better eventually.

I am new to this site and need to know how to join "lost a spouse" group.  I am in a lot of gtieving pain.  Thanks.  Bev

Bev, I already belong and it was a while ago when I joined but I think the way I did it was to click on the group name and then on the desktop version to the left it asks if you want to join the group. I think it works that way.....take care.

Surviving is the key condition.  I feel so lonrly and sad every minute of every day.  I go to bed at 5pm now and hope to sleep.  I hope I will adjust to this /

Hi Jackie,  I go to bed early hoping for an escape from grieving. I don't really know what to do to ease the pain.  I understand how you feel and I do hope it will get better for us but right now I cannot cope with the loss.

Jackie, My grandmother died at 52 two months after my grandfather died.  The family said she die of a broken heart.  My cousin committed suicide after her husband died so I think people stop doing whatever it takes to stay alive.  If I was sure that I would see Lee again, I'm not sure what I would do.  The wound is so fresh and painful.  

Yes, it's true, people stop caring.  We will never stop grieving but I hope that someday it will not hurt this much.  We have to go through one day at a time.  I don't know if I have faith anymore.  Why would a loving god take away our love prematurely?

Dear Jackie,

Thank you for writing back to me.  Your loss is tremendous.  Actually both of our losses are.  My husband was the love of my life and I miss him continually.  Bedtime is the worst.  I hate going in the bedroom knowing he won't be joining me.  It's so deeply sad.  I miss everything about him.  Especially his hands.  I loved his hands and the way he looked at me.  He loved me so much and I believe I first fell in love with the way he loved me!  Every day since we met he thought I was beautiful.  I never could understand that because I don't see myself as pretty at all.  But, he did, and he told me often.  I always said he saw me through rose-colored glasses.  I lost that love and that's what hurts so much.  He always called me 'his lady'.  Everyday he asked me, 'how's my lady doing?'  How am I going to go through life never hearing that again?  He loved me so much and I loved him back with my whole heart.  I had one person in this whole world who thought I was their world and that was everything to me. Now, there's no one at the end of the day to listen to how my day went.  All the silly little things that matter to no one but me.  He cared and he always wanted to know how my day went.  Now there's no one.  He died Dec. 10, 2016 and the face that he's really gone is sinking in every day like a deep dark cloud.  It hits me every day some time and I burst into tears wherever I am.  I have no control over it.  Sometimes when I have a period of no pain in my heart I feel the cloud coming and I dread it but I know I can't do anything about it and I have to go through it.  The grieving process I guess.  It's so hard.  I was on a grief site but 90% of the people had lost children mostly to heroin addiction.  I read the posts since Paul's death every night.  It was comforting to connect with people who lost those they loved but more often than not the comments suggested the loss of a child is the worst one could go through.  In my heart I disagreed because I feel the loss of a spouse is worse.  They are your other half.  A child is not.  I'm not minimizing the pain one endures with the loss of a child in any way but I was troubled when they constantly said their pain was more than mine.  A child is a tremendous loss and I pray I never ever experience that (I have 3 children) but when you loose your spouse a part of you dies too.  The bible says you are spiritually joined and make one.  This is not true of a child.  I believe as the bible states when you are joined together in marriage you become one.  They are my beliefs and opinions and I don't mean to offend you or hurt you if I have.  I just don't know how to get through loosing the love of my life and my heart.  The only answer I know of is with God.  I don't know where your faith is but my hope is in God.  He is the sustainer of life and I know He knows the pain in my heart and when I'm alone at night and hurting so badly, He is with me and knows my pain.  From what I read you just lost your spouse a few weeks ago.  I am so sorry.  There are no words but somehow I find it comforting to know someone else knows the pain.  It's exhausting and takes my breath away.  Know you're in my thoughts and sending you a hug.  I pray we get through this day and God carries us when we can't walk.