Hi Leesa,

I am very sorry for your loss. I Lost me wife and soul mate, February 9, 2013. After a 6 year battle with breast cancer. We had been together for 15 years. We too were suppose to grow old together. We would lay in bed at night. Talk about all the things that we wanted to do. We both loved to garden, We had a dream of a early retirement. Purchasing a camper and traveling everywhere. We had no children. But we had each other. Now I am by myself. Being 39 and never married before when we met. I spent a lot of time single. Even though I longed for a mate. I wasn't terribly unhappy. I had my work, that was satisfying. Few friends that I enjoyed. A wonderful mother that loved me. I lost her also in July of 2014. Nearly killing me again.  Now I am truly by myself. My life is nothing like it was. Going on seems pointless. But I do have faith in God. I hope you do too. I will pray that he will give you peace and comfort. This is a good web sight. Lots of people that too, have suffered great loss. Some how there is comfort in knowing that you are not the only one.    

Leesa, you have struck a deep chord. I lost my husband Nov. 6, 2014, also to lung cancer. You are a bit younger than me, and your children are younger than mine, but, the pain you are suffering is the same as mine. We had worked hard, doing everything together, planning on spending our "golden years" together. We were both over 30 when we met and got married so we KNEW we were right for each other. I don't know how to comfort you, since I'm still working thru things myself...But, I just wanted to let you know that others DO know what you are going thru. I feel the anger you feel, the frustration, the confusion, the gut-wrenching loss...maybe that's  good thing.It means we really loved. What would it mean if we just picked up and acted like nothing had happened...like the past years didn't matter. We Loved!

Words don't mean much. You hear what others say, trying to be helpful, but, unless they are going thru it...it makes THEM feel better. In face, I think the first couple of weeks I was the one consoling everyone else. I was too numb to feel much the first month. And I had gone back to work and was trying to concentrate on that...and all that paperwork you have to do when you deal with a death. NOW is when I'm feeling his death more. What keeps me moving is knowing that he would be very disappointed in me if I curled up in the fetal position and let the grief run my life and that of our "children".