Suzanne I do feel your pain. I'm glad you could exress is like. I truly want to go be with my father. No one cares..no one knows what to say. I am amazed how shut off people are to passionate emotions like this. Or maybe they weren't that close to their parent so they got over it. I think you said something really crucial..You don't know how to define yourself without her. I really get that. She is the person that understood you. Yes, thats how it was with my father. How do you start all over and find anyone that knows you from start to finish and loves you despite it all..Somewhere we have to find a place where we can shine for the love they gave us and the light they put is us. I don't know where that place is..maybe its here for a bit until some dark clouds clear and a ray of of answer light and hope comes though. I'm sorry for you loss. Thanks for being so real about it. I pray you can one find one ray of sunshine tomorrow that softens your pain. laura