Dear Steacy, I know that you are looking for someone who understands the way you feel. I probably do. My mom was brutally robbed, beaten, and stabbed 19 times 3 months ago. All of the emotions that you feel are perfectly normal. I am on a roller coaster of emotions every single day. Don't suppress the feelings you have, after all, you cannot help the way you feel. I miss my mom so much, not only for me, but for my 5 year old daughter. They were very close. It is the hardest thing that I have ever been through and it hurts today just like it did that horrible day.

I know!!! It is crazy!! The guy that killed my mom was on parole for assault with a deadly weapon!! They are treating him with the utmost respect and treating my dead mom like she is the criminal!! It pisses me off!! She is gone and cannot defend herself so they can just say whatever they want.

There are soooo many emotions and unresolved feelings---- right? I know exactly what you mean. It's like it is just too much for one person. I have to go to my mom's house( the scene of the crime) tomorrow and start getting some of her personal belongings out. I am not going to be able to make the payments on her house because I STILL have not received the death certificates. They will foreclose on it soon and there is nothing I can do about it. The only help I have is my husband because my sister has been committed to a psychiatric hospital because of my mom's murder. To top it all off--- the killer has a court date Monday morning. My best friend and I are going because I want him to see my face everytime he walks in to that court. You can't even get justice, in your case, because the guy shot himself--- right?? What a loser!

I know what you mean about people not caring. It seems like just a handful of people REALLY cared. I just don't think people really get it unless they have gone through it.

I know how you feel , I am so angry ,not just the girl who ran over mama ,but the officers who blamed her for her own death,and the people in authority who make the laws and the roads and walk ways everyone involved that day,and the pain does seem to get worse not better ,i can't stand to go past the place where it happened but i have to everyday when i leave or come back home, and it haunts me why! it eats away at me especially at night when the world is sleeping and i can;t for thinking about what she endured an what all our mothers endured at the hands of others, i am so sorry for your loss and what you are going thru hun and i can only pray and hope that one day we all will get accountablity from these cruel people and that God will give us that peace that passes all understanding ! hugs !!

you are absolutely right how can anyone be the same after being a witness to what your loveone has been through, and my sisters are the like you said noone wants to talk about it ,for the out of sight of mind .I think the biggest thing with my siblings happens to be guilt,because they weren't with her as much as they could have been i know they have families , but that family needed to be around an know their grandmother.and they never really forgive her for the time we spent in foster care ,but that wasn't all her fault my dad was beating on her,and she did the best she could with five kids . and they have been a far cry from perfect with their own.i wasn't with mine , you do the best you can and pray for god to be with them,but my son knew his grandmother and was living with her at the time of her he was at work. he would stay 3 days and i would stay three days to take care of her and her house house work and cooking .but i believe guilt with the girls, but the boys just don't care.they didnt come around her the one took he home and everything she had , and we didnt see him till her funeral, the other started coming around 1 day a week for the last month she lived for money he could get from her for his drug habit, and to put her down but i told him off , but you know he had a lawyer at the hospital like a viper while my mama was dying , i hate him i really do.and you don't even want to know the b.s. he is trying to pull know , but my lawyer says don't worry about it, but i can't help it none knows the murderous crap he done for and with his dealers.i know my ptsd is having a field day and no amount of pills stop it i don't know what to do.you and the people here are more my family now than mine. i thank God for you !! take care hun