wen i woz a kid debra my dad liket takiing me to the simima to sea good movie i thnk he used to go him self coz he loved som of the kids movies he did wen back to the futcher 2 come out we saw the 1st 1 thn wen the 2nd 1 com out he saed cars will fly 1 day if thy dont fly by 2015 it will happen 1 day he used 2 say he used 2 laff at biff in the 3 films crashing in to horse mnera it woz so funny it woz but he loved westens the most he did and he liket beting on horses wen he cud not get out he wud send me to the beting shop to put his horses on but he loved life he used to say im not going in side thm gates till u all come i hope ther is a few shops out side hevens gate or a bar and a restront so he can eat or drink he woz all ways playing jokes on us he took after his dad for doing tht my grandad who i never met my dad used to say lifes to short for people misribal if he saw sum 1 misbril he wud say smile before yore fase cracks or if he woz in the hospitle waiting area and people wer siting ther misribil he wud say its like a morg in hear thr is mor life in the morg chear upand evry 1 wud burst out lafing hope im not ofending any 1

Hi jb,

I remember going to the drive-in when we were little.  No movie theaters for Dad.  I'm sure your Dad is doing just fine up there.  I hear it is a wonderful, peaceful place.  My Dad also loved to joke around and have fun.  In my adult life, I figured out that Dad should us love by joking/kidding around with us.  That was his way.  Your Dad sounds like he really enjoyed life.  And wanted to share his happiness.

Dad got us into horses when we were young and that lasted a long time for us.  Then we got the iron horse - motorcycles.  Spent a lot of time riding with Dad.  And he was so pround when my husband and I rode along with him.

had my 1st bday with out my dad ths weak it did not fealthe same withh out my dad not bean ther i felst sad tht he woz not ther to enjuy it tryed to put on a brave fase but all i wanted to do is break don and cry coz we all miss him so mush i wishit evry 1 we lost wood come back but i no thts not going to happen i dont care abot luxery stuf or money i wood choze our loved 1s evry time i wood i no i saed to some 1 but all i got branded woz evil and selfish by a person who only cares abot moneyy and luxerys 

Happy birthday jb!  It must be tough.  I am struggling with Thanksgiving coming up.  I'm sure your Dad was with you but I know it's not the same.  I feel the same way, I would rather have loved ones around than reeceive material things.  Many of my family doesn't understand this, just like yours.  Go ahead and cry, it is okay.  I feel better when I let it out.  Take care.

thnks fow the happy bday debra thusday woz hard trying to put on a brav fase im now dreding nxt month xmas day im not looking foward to or boxing dad my dads bday  and new yrs eve and new yrs day im not looking forRD TO i dont no how peopel say its easy to get over lozzing som 1 i dont i thnk its hard very hard i thnk a lot of us on hear r daddys girls i try to thnk of my dads jokes or pranks he used to play on us i still try to laff at the 1 wen he told me ther is a hole in the tolit i woz tht silly i went to look and cud not find it till he told me to go and looknagain thn i new whot he mnet wear u sit

this past October 22 was the 10th anniversary of my dad's passing, it was hard, but I tried to focus on other things...I miss him and will never forget him, but part of me really wants him here with me still....the guy I'm going to marry actually looks alot like him in the face....its comforting....I love you all and hope you are ok....I miss you dad, and will love you with all my heart always :)  rachel lynn

i no how u feal rachel my dad woz 1 of the best freinds i will ever hav just like my mum is now i miss him so mush im dreading the festive seson the 1st 1 ths yer with out him he loved his turky dinner

my dad made these wonderful turkey dinners every year, i miss them, its been so long, so its not too bad, but i know what you mean....christmas is going to be hard this year without my mom....its only been 2 years since she passed....she would have been 90....

my dad loved his turky dinner ate whot i left rachel thn eat a selctson box thn som sweats out of the jar thn eat biskits and som times still be hungry i no his dad woz the same i never met my dads dad iv only sean fotos of him he woz 6ft 4 my dad woz 6 ft 2 im only 5 ft 3 his sister mary woz 5 ft 8 edi woz 5 ft 7 ann woz 5 ft 6 my dads sisters who died of the evil c desese but my dad cud eat i just hope his eating whot he whonts wear he is lets hope his eating all the sweets he can eat

a year ago my nightmare began. Dad was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. the oncologist thought perhaps he had 6 months without treatment. Dad survived 3 weeks. i was with him day and night, until the end. i miss him so much, our family will never be the same.  every holiday is very empty without him. we try to do our best for mom, just doesn't feel like enough. My health has increasingly declined, i wonder if my grief is affecting me physically?

Hi Debra,

I am very sorry for your loss.  This is our first holiday without Dad.  I'm sure you are thankful that you were able to spend time and be with your Dad.   I believe a person's well being can be affected by many things including grief.  Maybe this group will be able to help you cope with his loss and help you to regain your health.  Take care.

Gosh the pain is not going away. I lost dad in March of this year. Christmas is coming up...his bday was sat...i am just never ever coping well. Will it ever get better?

i no how u feal rebecca my dad died in march to im not looking forred to xmas coz of my dads bday on boxing day and i no it will hurt coz its the 1st xmas wit out him

yeah...i know it will hurt.

I am finding some comfort in honoring my Dad.  Like amking a quilt patch in his honor because he was an organ donor.  My mother-in-law purchased an ornament celebrating a hospital's 100th anniversary and had my Dad's name engraved on it for me.  Today I also realized that it is okay to be happy and joyful.  My Dad loved life and loved having fun.  He would not be happy with me for letting his death consume me.  I'm sure he is honored to know just how much I miss him.  So I decided to let myself be happy and have fun.

u mite thnk im a nut case but my dad come to me wish us merry xmas wishes he woz still withh us and miss us all

Hi jb,

That is wonderful that your Dad came to you!  I bet that made you feel so good.  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Storyas,

I have seen that poem on facebook and it is very touching.  Certainly gave me another perspective on the situation.  My father passed in Sept of this year, so I am struggling some.  Thank yo for posting it here.  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

same hear debra and evry 1 on i love my dad merry xmas and happy new yer  it did feal good tht my dad com to me i just wish he woz still hear for real he woz like my cuzen steve o who died of pancrated big c he did my dad had a lot of resperty desese wish runs in the family iv got resperty dese my self i shud take beter care but i dont my dad cud make evry laf the wait are in the hospilte wud laf even the nurse wud laf but get told off for lafing 

Thank you Dennis C.  I am learning and experiencing this. 

jb - if your family has a history of respitory disease and you are already experiencing symptoms, please take care of yourself. 

thnks debra i just try do avoed dos and donts try to avoid smoking wish i dont to but some of the fameily who hav ot r chain smokers wen i woz a kid in the 80s i used to love brething engine fumes not noring the risk it wud do now evry thnk is envrimnt frindly wel more or less no smoking in clubs and restronts is 1 of the best bans my dads dad died of resperty dese but i nver met him but in the 19 50s no body new mush abot it the sam with the 1980s i just used to love the smell of bus fumes and car fumes i dont do it now coz i now no the dangers on my dads side nely a lot of us hav this resperty deses 

happy bdat dad wish u wear still hear hope u r having a beter time thn we r                                                                                                        http://youtu.be/ymb-X7KVp4

Thank you, Dennis, for posting Ecclesiastes to remind us that there is a time to mourn.  I've had so many people in my grief give me scriptures and act as if I'm not immediately uplifted by them that there is something wrong with my relationship with God, but maybe this is just my time to mourn which is also in the bible.  I'm probably closer to God now than I ever have been in my life, and I am still mourning.  Grief is not the time to evangelize - grief is the time to remind us of God's love and to remind us that we are allowed to walk through our grief on God's time.

I hope that now that Christmas is over that maybe that helps most of you feel a little better. 

I miss my Dad and my Mom so much.  It still seems weird not to gather around their table and eat my Mom's cooking.  I miss them.  And, you know, maybe this is part of grief that Ecclesiastes tells me there is a time for - I find it hard to move forward, because I want what I had before.  That is what I want.  I want my Mom and Dad and Christmas with them.  I can't believe that is so bad.  Yet, some of my Christian friends try to make me feel guilty for it - thank you again for reminding me that the bible itself says there is a time to mourn.

I lost my Dad in2003 to pancreatic cancer and I lost my step-Dad of 30 yrs in 2001 after a cardiac cath test.  I still think of them both almost every day. I would love to talk with anyone about the people we love.

Chloe - I am sorry about your losses.  I know that sometimes it doesn't even matter how long they are gone - the pain is so present in the moment.  My Mom has been gone for a few years now, and I still miss her so much.  I have dreams about her sometimes where i wake up so happy, because I think she and I are going to go do something together like we did in the past, and then I realize I'm awake and she is gone, and I feel the grief in that moment just as intensely as the day she left me.  Then, my dad died last year - I think a lot of his death was from grief over loosing my Mom as he never got over it - and now I just feel so alone some days.  So, I know what you are feeling.  I'm sure you can find lots of wonderful people here to talk to.  Talking does help.  I've met a lot of wonderful people who have helped me, and some of them that have helped me repeatedly I've gotten to know pretty well.  That helps too - to build those bonds.  My mom also died of pancreatic cancer.  It was hard to watch her go through that.  Am I understanding correctly - your step-Dad died due to the cath test?  If so, it sounds like you lost both of them pretty quickly wihout much time to prepare yourself.  That makes it harder too.  My mom found out she had this cancer, and she was gone in nine months, and I think she only made it that long due to herbs we were using that I think maybe prolonged her life a little bit.  Keep coming back and talking, Chloe - it does help.  I have a great niece named Chloe.  She is 6 years old.  She was born right after my Mom died.  When she was being born, everyone in the room kept saying they felt my Mom.  I felt my Mom.  All day the nurses kept saying Baby Cloma (pronounced Clomee, which was my Mom's name) would be here soon - kept mis-saying Chloe's name to say my Mom's name.  Then, Chloe was born at 2:30 pm.  My Mom's birthday was February 23.  I think my Mom is with Chloe, maybe a guardian angel or something.  I'm not sure.  Maybe a re-incarnation if that happens.  I'm not sure.  All I know is that for a couple of years I felt my Mom with Chloe a lot.  And, I'm closest to Chloe of all my niece's kids just like I was close to my Mom.  I always end up without even thinking about it buying Chloe twice as many presents on her birhday and Christmas as I do the other kids, and I do it totally subconsciously every time.  I never even notice it until it's present opening time and I think to myself that one of these days I'm gonna hurt the other kids feelings.  I love the all so much.  I love them all equally actually.  But, I have a special bond with Chloe that I can't explain with words.  I think my Mom is with her.  I hope you come back and talk, Chloe, and I hope you feel better soon.

Chloe - I made a typo and it won't make sense unless I correct it - Chloe was born at 2:23 pm (not 2:30 - don't know how I made that typo) and my Mom's birthday was/is 2/23.  Sorry about that.

i hope 2013 will be beter for evry 1 al the bad luck 2012 has bort it bean 1 bad luck after another janury well went to the take away plase had to tell mum 1 of her frinds brenda had died had the big c but never told any 1 coz she did not whont no fuss i thnk i wud do the same january my dad had a stroke febury got him bavk home i thort the bad luck and news had gone i woz wong 2nd march had to dial 999 for my dad got admited the earikr hours btrean 3am and 4am visting hours at the hopitle 2pm i got a shok of the state of the ward lazy nurses dirty flors and windors puke left on the flour wen i left i saed sea u tomrowo dad love u dad got the telgram bfre 2am to say we had to get up thr mum foned the hopie by the time we got the taxi we got ther 2 late he died at 220am 3rd of march 2012 we got ther at 230 il allways feal guilt geting thr to late thn april we find out anothr 1 of mums friens has the big c thn my cuzens husnad has a heart atack due to coplicasions of dibteras thn we find out anothr cuzens husband has the big c thn come augist well i thnks its augist i sea no 1 sinse my dads funrall thn u sea thm its more news a great cuzen lozes her litle boy giving birth to him he woz still born and she is still in peases over him i herd thn my surgate uncle bill died last month 1 of my dads dersedst best freinds uncle bill woz 95 had he got the same s@@t treatment died on the same ward iv fond som songs my dad wud of loved i no im not good with computers took me 2 yrs to lern to switch 1 on  http://smarturl.it the power of love

it looks like i put the wong code in http://youtu.be/zNpeK7sDLze you tube its me not bean good with computers

ther is another 1 hear got thse codes mixyt up i hav soryif its the wong 1 http://vimeo.com/524184 vimeo if its the wong code sory

On September 3rd 2012 at 8:03 I lost my Dad to lung cancer.  It has been tough on the whole family and we're still trying to make sence of it.  He was 75 and very active and showed no signs of being sick until mid August.  Less then 3 weeks from dianosis to death.  We all do what we have to do but the pain is sometimes too much to bare.  As hard as it is on us kids and the grandkids, it has to be much worse for Mom.  She's doing the best she can and holding it together pretty well.  I'm just glad that one of my sisters and I live close by so we visit her daily and help whenever we can.  A couple of weeks ago Mom asked me if I would mind if she signed the title to Dad's pickup over to me.  It was a very emotional afternoon and I couldn't bring myself to drive it for a few days.  A couple of days ago I was talking to my sister and she said there was a song I needed to hear.  Here is the link.  It is pretty much the perfect song for this situation and it has caused many tears. 

I drive your truck

jb - I am sorry you had such a bad 2012.  You had a lot of losses like I have the past few years, so I kinda think I might know what you feel like.  For me, the number one thing is exhaustion - you can't even get over the first thing until you got to deal with the second and third and fourth thing - and sometimes I just want to fall down on my knees and scream - let up a little, I'm drowning under all of this.  I need a break to put this behind me.  Stop piling new stuff on me.  It's so hard when it just keeps hitting like that.  And, not just the losses but the bad hospitals and all that stuff that just makes the other stuff that much worse.  I do pray with all my being that you definitely have a better 2013.  I truly do pray that for you.  I will never forget the day your dad died now - it is two days after my sister, Viola's, birthday.  I will be praying for you that 2013 gets much better.  And, I'm sorry you have now lost your uncle too - although I said that over in the other group so please forgive me for repeating myself.  Also, I tried to look at your videos, but I still can't get them to work.  I will ask my husband to help me with them as soon as he has time.

Joe - I'm sorry you lost your Dad and so quickly.  That makes it harder sometimes when we don't have time to prepare.  I watched that video called I Drive Your Truck that you shared, and I cried through the whole thing.  My dad had a truck he loved more than anything in the world.  My greedy brothers stole it from him before he was even too sick to drive it.  They saw him getting weaker five years before he died and took advantage of his weakness and robbed him blind.  That is when the State brought me in to take care of my dad and my brothers were never allowed around him again.  My dad loved his truck so much.  If I could drive it now, that is where I'd get rid of my grief.  I'd take it out and drive the heck out of it until I felt better.  Now, I wear his denim jacket.  I remember a few weeks after he died I left it in a coffee house and I lost it until I found the jacket, and even my husband though I was nuts.  They don't understand.  I wrap up in his jacket and cry.  I'm glad you have your Dad's truck.  I know my Dad would have wanted me to have his truck, so I bet your Dad wants you to have his truck.  Enjoy it.  That is what your dad would want.

happy new yr dad and for evry on i love my dad page

sory abot yore loos joe my brain has not bean with it thnks storyas u r right abot 2012 bean a horbel yr i no uncle bill woz not my real uncle but he felt like a blood uncle iv called him uncle bill sinse i woz a kid his dorter marin at uncle bils funral i hate tht ward i hate tht ward wish i understand geting s@@t tretment i no som wards r run lovely but th is a lot of s@@t wards u wud not take a lab rat for tretment iv kept me and my dads you tube acoun the same im not going to change it  we used to lkie watchng the cats on you tube the cats geting hi on cat nip if u ever sea it u will enjoy it wen lucy has catnip she gets very hi she pulled the tree doon so i the end we had no tree up wish woz ok with me but you tube with the cats and dogs is so funny my dad loved it the cats on the tolet woz funny to and the cat chasing a dog and the cat on the stair lift s my dad loved watching thm or we wud watch vintage tv on you tube to i no daily mostion is good 2 and vimeo is gooood if iv put the wong codes in its me not bean good with ccomputers it took me 2yrs to lern to switch 1 on a games consol is easy but a computer tht many keys to press it tims u dont no if u r presing the right key or the wong key i no lucy types on hear i thnk cats and dogs mite work a computer beter thn a human just me ben a bit silly but u never no thy mite be able to type

jb - my cat goes crazy and even gets mean with us for about half an hour - well, really he is my dad's cat - and then he lays down and goes to sleep for a long time every time he gets catnip.  So, he doesn't do much destructiveness when he gets the catnip, because it doesn't last long and then he zonks out for a long time.  So, we don't give it to him much, because I'm not sure it is settling right with him for him to sleep that much.  I know what you mean about watching stuff with your dad - we used to watch Animal Planet all the time, but I can't watch it now without him.  It just hurts too much to watch it without him.  I'll see if I can some of the cats on catnip videos on youtube.

wen lucy gets to mush cat nip i rember a few yrs ago my dad saed u wud thnk she woz drunk so drunk if she had eban human she wud hav bean arested biting evry 1 climbing wall paper i no i gave her to much i wished id videod her my mini carmcorda is brill iv bean triing to catch wild life in the grave yard lots of it i no ther is a lot of gray squials thr is and a lot of birds and a lot of beutfull black crows wen i left the grave yard my batries had ran out of my mini carmcorda but i wishid id videod this a bird chasing a cat and i woz thnking my dad wud of laft him self silly and saed to the cat you r supose to be a cat chase the bird my cat wud of chaset it probely killied if she had cort it my sister has 2 cats and thy r scared of evry thng thy r 15 her cats lucy onley 12 my cuzen brenda her husband steves got the big c she has a cat and he is always bringing ded mise in or birds in evry time we sea her she tells us of the cay doing thm thngs havent sean her for ages mum foned her this morning to sea how steve woz ok so far touch woooood

My dad would have laughed himself silly too to see a bird chasing a cat.  He would have said the same thing you said your dad would have said.  My dad would love to see all that wild life.  He loved nature and animals.  I don't see a lot of animals where my dad is, but it is the biggest cemetery in our city, so a lot of people come and go and probably scare them away.  They probably come out at night.  You know my cat is actually my dad's cat.  I can't remember if I told you that my dad actually left me two cats - Nugget, the orange one I shared a picture of, and Samson - a gray tabby that I loved so much and was so sad when he died of FIV.  Well, before Samson died, he was a mouser.  A true hunter.  He caught mice every night.  And, my dad got such a laugh out of Samson, because Samson would try to give me the mice.  I would sleep on the couch, and Samson would come and lay dead mice on me, and I would jump up screaming.  Then, Samson would wonder why I didn't take the mice, so he would chase me around the house with it, throwing it up in the air time and time again like he was trying to throw it to me.  Once, he even chased me in the bathroom, and I locked myself in the bathroom for probably a half hour or more, because he was throwing a dead mouse at me.  My dad would laugh and laugh and laugh.  He loved those stories about Samson chasing me with dead mice.  Well, Samson died, and all I have left now is Nugget.  Well, Nugget moused for a few weeks after Samson died, and then I guess he had a moral crisis and went vegetarian (except for tuna).  He not only won't chase mice any more, but one morning my husband got up to get a shower for work, and he yells for me to come to the bathroom.  Nugget is in the bath tub snuggling with a mouse.  My husband was laughing so hard that he couldn't bring himself to kill the mouse.  He picked it up in a paper sack and put it outside, which my dad said meant it just came right back in the next time it got cold.  But, my husband told my dad about that story (my dad was already in assisted living then and his cats were staying here), and my Dad laughed and laughed and laughed.  He said Nugget surely got confused when he left my Dad's house to come and live with me.

i no a few yrs ago a mouse fot in our house and lucy chast around the house in to the living room got hold of it by the neck and warket away like some posh cat i went it to the kitchen she hissit at me so i left her coz she woz throwing it in the air so i left her to kill wen she come out of the kitchen the mouse woz under a chair in a plase wear u cud not rech she had killed the mouse the lsat mouse she killed woz a pregnant mouse a hevely pregnant mouse

I can't hardly stand to see them killing the mouse when it is still alive, but I guess it was good that Sam brought them to me after they were dead or he might have left them back under furniture where I couldn't get them or didn't know where they were, and then they stink so bad.

Joe,

I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your father. But I am so glad that you and your sister are there for your Mom.  I lost my father on Sept 21, 2012 suddenly.  I can relate to most of what you and your family are going thru.  We had my Dad's vehicle here until it was sold and it was tough seeing it every day then watching it leave.  We had to sell it to settle his estate.  We still have his motorcycle and we may even buy it.  The video was very touching and brought tears to my eyes.  Thank you for sharing.

My thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

Debbie

The past couple of months have been really hard on me, especially since I have not only been dealing with the loss of my father but my husband's health issues. My husband is going into surgery for the third time on Monday for the same issue he has experienced since September 2012. I am very worried. One too many surgeries back to back and I pray every day that they figure out what is going on and how to resolve it. 

I am not big on resolutions but for this New Year I decided that I was going to start keeping a diary. I've never liked keeping one before but I figured it'd be a way I could talk to my dad. He has always been the one to help through all the rough times and they just seem even harder without him. Even my husband noticed and even confided that he felt like he had lost his own father when my dad passed because there were so many things they had planned to do together. That definitely made me cry because not many people seemed to have appreciated my father. 

But it has been so long since I was on here and just wanted to update everyone with everything going on. These first holidays without him were extremely hard but I've had a pretty decent support system with a few friends and that helps make all the difference. 

Hope everyone has a fantastic New Year!

Hi Casandra,

I pray that all goes well with your husband.  I have been keeping a diary for over 4 yrs now related to my health.  It also helps me write down feelings about my Dad.  It does help in healing to do this.  Like you, my Dad helped me get thru things.  I so miss the phone calls and talks.  And like you, my husband is also feeling the loss.  And that makes me emotional too.

Take care and I wish the best for you and your husband.

Debbie

this is true dennis som drs r ok and som r not ok iv left my self wit a medical fobia wish is not goood for me having a medical coddidson my self wish i shud take betr care of we did not relize resperty deses runs in the family my dads cuzen told us nevr saw her for ages now she has the big c im out practising my foto taking or my vidio making i can use a camra beter thn a computer a games consol is more eay to use a computer is full of keys and it times its the right keys to type or press link http://vimeo.com/56649684 clip038 embed

Welcome, Stephanie. I know exactly how you feel and I am sorry for your loss. This site, sometimes just knowing that it is here, has helped me tremendously since I lost my father in March 2012. And recently, even though it has almost been a year and my life has continued on, I have found myself upset on many occasions just thinking about him. I hope that you can find the solace you need and support you need from this site, as I have. It's going to be a journey but in time... IN YOUR OWN TIME, you and your mother will heal. Celebrate your father's memory, talking about it makes it better, remember the good things and reminisce often with others. It helps. Best wishes in your journey.

As the one year anniversary approaches of Dad's passing I feel deeply am trying to gather inner strength.  However; I am still so lost without him.

Now I am not sure what to do for Mom, she is extremely needy and I am not complaining but I am concerned.  My husband took me to Disney World for the first time ever this January, I called her every morning to check in on her and share my first moments with her.  The hardest conversation was when we were in the Magic Kingdom.  I called her just as I entering the gates and saw Cinderella's Castle for the first time.  She and Dad always wanted to bring me to see and I wanted her with me when I saw it.  I had not counted on my emotional reaction to seeing it or hers to hearing me see it.  When I came home and went to visit her, Mom cried like a child in my arms.  I promised to never go on vacation again, my heart was broken.  My mother was inconsolable.  She always tells me she does not want me to put my life on hold for her, yet I have gone away three times since Dad's passing and each time when I came home she was sad.  The first was July 4th, we went to NY to visit my husband's father and family as he had not seem them in a few years.  The second was a return trip to NY three days before Thanksgiving because my father in law had passed away we were home for the holiday, and then Disney.  Sometimes I hang up from calling her feeling like the worst daughter ever.  I am so scared she will die of a broken heart.  I do all I can to be there for her but it feels like sometimes I am not doing enough.

sory abot yore loss stephannie me 2 woz close to my dad it hurts so mush tht he is not hear any moreit his anversy coming up the 1st 1 hie died 3rd march 2012 an 220am iv got the same problem 2 dennis i keep geting told by some of the family to but my life on hold i can get a life any tim thy fogot lifes 2 shot or i got told i dont nead a life u can get 1 wen u r older