Christianlee I know how you feel.  My son called my dad papa and I still think I need to get him something.  I decided to take the money I would have spent and donated to my dad's favorite charity in his memory.  So it helpled in a way I got him a present. 

ive never felt so alone before..even on this site noone talks to me on here:(i lost someone like everyone else did and feel alone while everyone else is having conversations with people:(sad

christmas was my dads bday and i bought balloons today to send off for him 63 of them somehow i thought it would bring alittle comfort knowing just maybe they would reach him:(but it makes me sadder

sara, i'm sorry. that must be really really hard having christmas and your dads birthday in one. just remember that he's watching over you, i'm sure he'd love the balloons. 

During the past weeks, I have been missing my Dad so very much. When he died suddenly, i remembered my husband gave me the news. At that time on march 10, 2011, i had never, never, endured so much pain in my heart of knowing that my Daddy was gone. My husband was so supportive of my mother and I through out the weeks and months to follow.

However; recently my Dad's  loss has hurted more deeply and alot more now that my husband is no longer here either. Things around my life will be a bit better if Dad was around to support me and watch over my son, now that my husband is gone too.

I realize how much i need my Dad here with me. Cant help to wonder and hurts my heart to think, how much it will also hurt my son not to have his dad around either. I just wish so much Dad was here to come and play with my son, take him to the park, having my Dad here will make things a lot better for my mother and I.

Father's Day, shortly after my dad died, I bought flowers and a card for him. Read it out loud... I didn't want him to think we forgot him. It broke my heart, but healed it a bit too. Dec 27th is/was his birthday, so we're officially celebrating xmas on his birthday, so he will be with us in his way.  I find the little things I do for him, though painful at the time, are healing when I look back on it and puts a smile on my face.  He was my best friend, and a part of my heart will always be missing. There's nothing else we CAN do but move on...and just hope the memory of them will fill that missing part.

today seems to be hitting me hard..xmas is in 5 days and np dad around no birthday cake candles being blown out presents ripped open...the sound of his boots in the house when he walked the smell of coffee brewing or the sound of his favorite xmas music:(just pure sadness and hurt

@Sara- I know what you mean. I remember everytime I'd get to their house, he'd usually be watching TV in his recliner, and when I hit the door, I'd hear the recliner pop as he got up to say "Hi sweetheart!" He would've been 57 in 3 days. I try and remember the good times and to remember that he wouldn't want me to be sad, but happy :-/

well tomorrow is xmas eve and usually dad would come by we would open gifts together do xmas cookies with my kids..and now there wont be that im trying to stay strong but inside i am soo weak idk what to do:(

today we did xmas eve gift exchange with the family and no dad was there:(never felt the emptyness like i did today...it sucks knowing tomorrow i got to get up put a smile on my face and be excited for my kids but sad for 2 reasons xmas my dad wont be here and its his bday:(

Well the holidays are almost over.  I am grateful for my 2 year son.  If I get upset, he comforts me and says "mommy don't cry".  I hope everyone had a nice holiday!

xms was hard for me and my family we tried our hardest to make the best of it after all thats all we can do anyways right...he did a balloon release for him and sang happy birthday he would of been 63yrs old..i miss him everyday and knowing just how hard xmas was it is a reminder how hard the rest of my life will be:(

yes xmas was very hard and now my little sister is getting married saturday and had to have her godfather walk her down the isle due to my dad passing:(shes having a hard time with that too and so are we

sadly xmas was so much harder than I thought it would be. Alone in this empty house that was so much his, I wrapped presents, shopped for my mom and sister, got dinner, and sobbed all day. This was so much harder than thanksgiving.  So much emptier. Mom asked where he was once. We couldn't answer.  But hearing her laugh and singing along to xmas music made my heart smile. She did once ask if we heard footsteps in the kitchen. We didnt' but I think she heard dad in her own way, showing her he was here.  But i'm glad it's over.  So much of the holidays and family was my dad. it's hard for me to take over for him. I do it for my family but for me, it just breaks my heart. It's been almost a year, but I'm still slammed with sadness and tears in certain moments.  I can't wait to get back to nY and my work so I can forget this holiday season. I'm so over it.

Elke, I agree.I am so glad the holidays are over.   I am really looking forward to returning to work where I feel like I have some sort of control.  I remember a couple days after he passed, I just wanted to go back to work and forget it happened.  Christmas was not as difficult as I thought because, I didn't think about it (probably not the best idea).  At Christmas Eve Dinner, we took a moment to remember him and that is the only time I broke down.  Elke, I am so sorry for your sadness and you are my thoughts. 

I am sooooooo glad it is all over!! I "went through the motions" as best I could. I stayed busy, and even had some good moments but am soooooo glad this one is behind us. The grief still comes in waves and I never know when it will hit. Thanks everyone for listening.

A big group hug for all of us!!! My mind knows that Daddy was sick for so long and is so much better off but my heart just still plain hurts sometimes. I guess when you love as much as we loved, you're going to hurt just as much. A friend told me that someday our memories will make us smile instead of cry. I can't wait for that day!!!!

I put together photo albums for mom and sis for xmas of dad and them so they wouldnt' forget. Going through old photos was painful but also a few made me laugh outloud of things I'd forgotten. I wish I knew where i was with this. Home, I'm ok, working, with friends, I forget the pain but know he's gone but my life goes on. And I do smile when I think of him. But being back at the house is so painful and so full of responsibility and sad memories. I dont' know if i'm in denial or shock or just want to forget. Things are definitely easier but it's the sharp moments of remembering that makes things too painful.  Thank god for my business and my clients. As a friend told me days after he passed, 'get back to work, it will save you', he was right.

The only way I can get through the day is the thought that he is watching over me, helping me, taking care of me. He's always with me.  It's the only way I can walk down the street...

Happy New Year to everyone!  I am welcoming 2012 with open arms.  2011 was not a good year and I am glad to see it go.  The strange thing is, I look at dates prior to my father's death and think" that is when he was still alive."  I won't be able to think that in 2012.  I guess I will just think every day he is looking down on me. 

Linda, Hi. I haven't been on for a while.  My dad died 18 months ago.  His last months were abuse in a nursing home, and I've been working on getting that proven since he died, so I remained almost as busy as when I was a caregiver before he went in that awful place.  Fortunately, it has been proven.  The nursing home has been multiply cited and an ombudsman is now at their facility 40 hours a week to protect the elderly who still live there.  So, today, I had time to get on.  And, I saw your message, and I had to reply, because I so understand what you mean.  I will sit down to watch a movie made before he died, and I will think, "He was alive when this movie was made" or "he was alive when we watched that together."  My mom died 7 years ago, and I still do that with her.  My favorite movie in the world is Prancer, and I haven't watched it since she died cuz I sit there and think, "She was alive when this was made."  "She was alive the last time we watched this together."  It's like time doesn't make sense any more.  I don't know what the answer is, but I know what you are feeling.

Linda, - typo on my last post, my dad died 8 months ago; not 18 months ago.

Hey, I have a question:  has anyone else ever chosen the option at the top "chose a message" by Coach Diane's name?  If so, did you receive a response?  Right after my dad died, I was going through something so horrible in regard to the grief that I didn't want to post it here cuz I didn't want to take other grieving people's minds down the same road mine was on cuz it would have made it worse fro you all.  But, months have passed and I never received a response.  Did I go about posting a private message to her wrong or was I wrong in my assumption that she answered private messages?  If anyone knows, I'd appreciate it.  Thanks,

Hi.  I've been on the "Losing someone to cancer group"; I lost my husband to cancer 11/12/10, then his father two weeks later; I had to give up the dog in May; and my dad just died last Wednesday.  He was 96, he'd had a brief illness, was in congestive heart failure and was in a lot of pain.  On Sunday he told us he was tired "of this" and he was ready to go.  Monday and Tuesday my mom told me he stopped eating and would hardly drink.  My daughter and I went over to see them on Wednesday and he never really work up. I knew he would go soon, but I really didn't think it would be that night.  I sat with him and talked to him, even though he was only semi-conscious.  We tried to make him comfortable; he was on hospice for his illness (even though it wasn't terminal, but it was the only way to get him care - he wouldn't stay in the hospital; he was a doctor; and they DO make the worst patients!).  The last few hours he was on morphine and haldol for agitation, and he died in his sleep.  I had told him it was okay to let go, and he didn't have to fight it anymore; he'd been a wonderful dad and husband and provider, and we'd all (I have three brothers) take care of mom and he could let go.  He actually nodded his head, as if he heard me, and I believe he did.  We were never close when I was growing up; after 3 boys, I honestly believe he just didn't know what to do with a girl. We were so much alike that we clashed most of the time - we were both fiercely independent, we both had to be in control and didn't like anyone telling us what to do or how to do it, so we butted heads a lot.  But I know he loved me; he did a lot for me, and he put up with me!  And I loved him.  A few months ago, I had a moment when I was with him that i knew I had to tell him I loved him while I could, so I did, and I'm so glad I did.  He didn't really know what to do with that, either, but I know he got it, and I know he loved me back even if he couldn't say it (he was not an emotional, touchy-feely person!).  But I have the yarmulke I brought him from a trip I took to Israel over 30 years ago, his prayer shawl and his prayer book.  My brothers didn't want those; but I do.  My mom was never religious, and our upbringing was not religious, but he grew up in a very Jewish home, and having those things gives me a connection to him and  his side of the family.

Sorry to go on; I'm grieving more for him than I thought I would.  Thank you.

Hi Cynthia.. your comment just touched me so as it's so my father and myself as well.... my father's been gone almost 1 year (can't believe time actually went by..) and I miss him everyday.  I'm so glad he heard you and nodded.. he knew.... hugs.

hi, Elke. Thank you.  

Saw this in a movie and it touched me so much. A little girl who lost her mom told her father that she's afraid she's forgetting her mom, memories of her, how she looked, her voice, etc. Her father said: "it's the soul's way of making you forget so your heart will finally stop breaking..."  

I find myself forgetting.. to say good morning to my dad so I can hear him in my head say good morning back.. memories, etc.  It hurt me but when I heard this, it also made me smile..... I really believe our loved ones really don't want us to hurt like we do... maybe it's their way of helping us..

just a thought I wanted to share.

Elke - thank you again.  We do forget.  I was so sorry that I didn't have any recordings of my husband's voice; even on his cell phone, I made the recording for him on the outgoing message - he didn't want to.  But I do still remember his voice, and when I dream about him, I hear him.  I don't think I'll ever forget my dad's voice - he was usually annoyed with something... oh well... there were good times, too.

I haven't been here in a while - just read some of your comments today. @christianlee: I think it is part of the intense grieving stage to be forgetful. I know it has been a constant for me since my dad passed away in August. Some days I feel like I am losing my mind completely. People ask me things, and mention something they told me, and I can't even remember having the conversation at all. I have to make myself a lot of lists, and write down even the smallest things just so I can function at work. I don't know how long this lasts - hopefully it will get better soon. 

@Elke: I am sure our loved ones would not want us to grieve like we are. I can almost hear my dad telling me to get a grip and move on with my life. I'm not there yet, though. 

Today as I was having lunch at a restaurant with my family, I suddenly heard my dad's voice as if he were standing right next to me. He just made an observation about something very ordinary - but it made me realize how much I miss him just for conversation. I always appreciated his advice, and his optimism when I needed to talk to him about big decisions, but I really really miss just having a normal conversation with him. Sure miss my dad today.

Andrea, I haven't had that happen since my dad died, but when he was in a comatose state in the last months of his life, I was sitting outside his hospital room while the nurses worked on him, and I heard his voice as clear as if he were sitting next to me say my name.  I texted my friend, because it scared me.  I thought it was an omen that he was going to die that moment, but my friend said that it meant we were both on the same wavelength because we were so close.  I think he was right.  So many spiritual things happened while he was dying and after he died.  They still happen, but not as often as they first did.

I was asked to give my "testimony" tonight at church. I asked my dad to be with me as I spoke. I feel like he was. I still miss him sooooooo much!!!