You're too young to be a widow

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I never thought that I would be a widow in my forties.  My friends can't relate and feel the need to comment on everything, even if they have no experience with grief.  I know they mean well but only we know what we are going though.

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People can be so heartless sometimes

by ShingingLight1967

Oct 10, 2016

I know that, people dont know how to deal with the passing of a loved one, especially when they are young and we are young, but the hardest comment I have had to endure since the passing of my husband is that "you will find someone again."

 I want to just beat people when they say this to me because to me, this dishonor's my husband's memory and the relationship that we had.  My husband was my soul-mate. Truly, the man of my dreams, and while yes, we had issues, what married couple doesn't, I never want to find someone else. 

My husband was perfect for me, in so many ways.  We were the ying and yang, we were the perfect compliment for each other.  We finished each others sentences, we knew what each other was thinking.. we were the best couple.

So for anyone to tell me, that I am young and will find someone else doesnt truly grasp what we had together and makes me so angry.

And yeah, while I am young, I have never said I want to find anyone else. I had my perfect mate..  I will never find that again, so stop putting your uneasiness on me. 

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    Angela renteria

    Hello shinning light 1967, it is a horrible place to be . No matter what age loosing your spouse is awful. Though being younger in my opinion is a rough spot because what are you to do when you could possibly live 30 years or more without your spouse? It's been 4 months since my husband died and I think of this every day. Reading Liz comment about loosing her husband nine years ago and still missing him every single day just felt like someone sucked all the air out the room. It's been 4 months but it feels like eternity and the thought of missing him this much 9 years later kills me. I will not find anyone else because I don't want to move on. I will be 38 but this is a life sentence I feel . I have 3 youn g Children and a infant and if it weren't for them I would not want to continue living . I don't understand how God gives you someone you love so much and that person loves you and then they are taking away. I always wanted to be one of those elderly couples that dies together or at least hours apart but that will never happen.

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    Oct 16, 2016

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      Louise

      I am so so sorry for your loss and I really empathise. I too had that connection with my sweet husband. We finished each other's sentences, we could just look at each other and know what the other was thinking, we often did that in the company of others. We had our own jokes and references we'd make about things which other people just didn't get. He was so empathetic and kind and we were both completely in tune with each other. People always said how much alike we were in every way, some even said we looked alike. It was like we were in our own little bubble together and the world could throw anything at us but we'd be together. We'd be ok. I lost everything 28 days ago and after 2 weeks someone told me I would fall in love and get married to someone else. It's like someone said on here and completely hit the nail on the head, it trivialises what we had and how we felt about each other. That anyone could even suggest that I would ever find that with anyone else is just ridiculous. I am not some innocent little girl, I am 33, I had previous relationships, I married him because he was the one. I knew it the moment I met him, don't ask me how, because I never even believed in that stuff but I just knew. And that doesn't just happen. He was my whole universe, he still is, I love him and miss him so very, very much. It's hard to even put into words how much he means to me. And it's so unfair that I am so young and have to wait such a long time to see him again, if there is an afterlife and if there's not, then it's just too long to live without him. I know people aged 60+ whose husbands die (I envy their age) and people don't say to them "never mind you can meet someone else". Age has nothing to do with the depth of love or connection we had. Like you said, people are putting their uneasiness on us. I try to ignore them, thank them politely, then excuse myself while I go scream and cry and beat into a pillow. It helps to see so many of you on here have experienced or are experiencing similar things. It's not bloody fair.

      Oct 27, 2016

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        Bryan Kelly Reeves

        I understand completely and would love to talk sometime on that in more depth. What I hated the most and just made me angry was…oh time will help and the hurt will go away. Well no it won't, time lessens it would this was your special person that you had given everything and committed to do life with and all of the sudden out of your plans, they are gone. Everything you had planned in life changes in a minute. 

        Oct 8, 2017