Online Grief Support - A Social Community
surviving family members' murders
How do you help?
I come from a family of seven children, 4 boys and 3 girls. Our mother died back in 2005 of lung disease. All 7 of us have never really been close (some closer then others) but her death tore us apart even more for a few years. Some of us mended fences some didn't. I just thought that was a rough time on our family. In March of this year (I will refer to siblings by number) #2 brother shot and killed #1 sister's son AND #4 brother's wife. He also tried to kill himself by taking pills but survived and is now in jail awaiting trial. Our father was also in the house at the time but was unharmed.
I am going through so many mixed emotions but also trying to be there for the sister who lost her son and the brother that lost his wife.
Any suggestions on how to be there for them but deal with my own stages of grief? Including feeling guilty about my feelings and can't even start to imagine what they are going through.
I am going through so many mixed emotions but also trying to be there for the sister who lost her son and the brother that lost his wife.
Any suggestions on how to be there for them but deal with my own stages of grief? Including feeling guilty about my feelings and can't even start to imagine what they are going through.
Bern
Hi Susie,
I don't know how to help but just stand their and be visible.
Jun 21, 2013
Kate
Hi Susie,
Well, it has been three years since you posted but I decided to reply anyway just in case.
First, I want to say I am deeply sorry for your loss.
I hate to compare and I really don't mean to offend anyone but I would Give Anything to have lost my mother in any other way than to a violent death. A death that came with so much hate and senselessness. I can relate to how you feel more than others' grief because our family members have been taken via a homicide. There are not many of us out there (thank goodness). A violent death is unexplainable. If I could give my life to erase her violent passing, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
It's very difficult to find support groups for this but if you can find one in your area, I'd go. There are Tons for loss of a child, or loss because of cancer or suicide ...I could go on.. but for homicide? There are very little resources and there are none where I live. I hope you're in an area where there is one.
I'm no expert, by any means, but it sounds like you are a great support to your sister and brother. It sounds like they are lucky to have you.
Good luck and warmest regards~
Sep 24, 2015