Ya I stayed home for the most part but I did buy a card and put it on my parents table so the bond continues.  Jade: I feel the same although its been a bit longer than you.  Am in a terrible mood at times and snappy and it hurts existing relationships but that is how it is. 

I just lost my mother after her 9 year battle with different types of cancer. My mom was my best friend, and as I am sure anyone who has lost their mother knows, there are just no words for the excruciating pain I am experiencing right now. I'm only 23 years old, and I feel extremely cheated- I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that I will never be able to hear her voice again or give her a hug. Every day, I want to text her, to tell her about what I'm feeling, doing, going through. I feel so incredibly alone and abandoned, and I truly don't know how to go on without her.

Brielle I am so sorry you did not have enough time with your mother.

I think losing our mother no matter how much time has gone by is the worst thing anyone can go through. We never get over it. You are so young I cannot imagine your pain. I am still feeling like a child abandoned a little over two years now and I am 20 years older than you are. I was the youngest and she left me in charge of her estate. I am just now able to get my mind around that and follow that path.

You will learn to deal with the loss but so far as I can tell the pain never goes away. Try to focus on the happy memories not the scary stuff while she was sick. I have worked on doing that and it does work most of the time. If I think of the bad memories I force myself to think of a better happier memory. My father died 2 weeks before my 11th birthday. My mother was my rock. I am doing the best that I can to keep going one day at a time. Your grief is very new so take it one minute at a time and take care of you.

Thank you so much, Jean. I'm finding that even though I have really amazing friends to support me, there is nothing that really helps. I don't know how to handle this much pain, and I'm afraid of either annoying or scaring people away by talking to them too much about how I'm actually feeling, because I just don't think they understand, even though they do try. My dad is having a really hard time as well- we are both just broken. And you are right about the scary memories- sometimes I can't help but think about them and it makes it even worse.

I know that you need time to process this life alternating time. I cried and screamed into a pillow that my mother gave me right before she passed. She told me it was her mothers pillow. I hugged that pillow and screamed into it so I would not scare the neighbors. That went on for many months. Everyone grieves in their own way. I had already been getting used to the fact that my career of 30 years was gone.

Sent overseas. I can honestly say I no longer miss that job but the loss of it had me down. Then my mother got sick with aplastic anemia and I took care of her for the 3 months before she passed right here in our home. She has a room here. Taking care of her was the most fulfilling thing I have ever done in my whole life. No nursing home. We sure went to get her blood checked weekly. She never complained. She is my hero in this life and I am doing the best that I can to honor her last wishes. Not easy for me to do and it has taken me over two years to even get started. I still cry when I go into her room, every time.

I just want you to write down all of the happy memories that you and your mother shared. I am stronger but I don't think we ever get over losing mothers. It's just a void that cannot be filled.

Hi everyone,

 so sorry for all our losses:(  My Mama died in January. She had a very traumatic brain disease. When we found out, she only had a month and a half of life left. She was in my home whrn she passed and I watched her take her last beautiful breath. she was like a butterfly, gently flying away. Caring for her was the biggest blessing of my life. I believe it is what my soul came here to do. That said, my bday is tomorrow and wow, I am a mess. bithdays in my family are a big deal:( I just want to run away and hide, ya know? Mama was my heart song and without her to hug, just so painful. I understand the pain that feels like it will kill you.

thank you for hearing me:) I feel you all in my heart. Mama's are our links to life. we will alwaya have a hole and that has to be ok....

My favorite author Elizabeth Berg Lost her mother recently and she posted this on her FB page. I highly recommend her novels.

The other day, a woman told me she was sorry to hear about my mother's death. I thanked her. And then she told me that it had been over twenty years since her mother died, and she still felt the loss. "Really?" I said. And then, "Oh, no."
I think I had assigned myself an arbitrary time to grieve, and a time to stop grieving. Things are not working out quite as planned.
It feels to me now that grieving is like walking through a maze. You think you've found the way out but th...en you discover that you have not. You need to go back. You need to try another way. And you need--and this is very, very hard for me--to accept that you are not exactly in control of the process.
I told a friend who is on her way to see her nearly 100-year-old mother today that maybe she should give her an extra kiss when she sees her. And maybe my friend will. Maybe she won't.
If there's anything this loos has taught me, it's the lesson of not letting opportunities go by. It seems we can't help doing it, letting opportunities go by. We are programmed to think there will be another day, another time, until suddenly--and permanently-- there is not. I have been spending a lot of time with guilt and regret, wondering why I didn't call to check in with my mom every day, especially after my dad died and she lived alone. I think I thought, Oh, there's nothing to say, really. I'll call after a few days, when there's something to say. But there was something to say, and it did not take the form of the words in any given conversation. Rather, it took-or could have taken--the form of my mom knowing that I cared, that I loved her, that I was just making sure she was all right. I did not do that, and my regret about it weights so heavily on my heart. Whew, it's heavy.
I know the cure for me is time and forgiveness of self. It seems a long way off. It seems as though a maze I thought was one size has revealed itself to be much bigger and more complex.
I was out with my mom one day when I was a little girl about 7 or 8,, and we came upon a man begging on the street. He was a double amputee, both legs missing below the knee. I had never seen such a thing. It seemed so cruel, so absolutely understandable that such a thing should be visited upon someone. Why had this happened? The man was sitting on a blanket, hiis pants legs neatly folded beneath his stumps. He wore tan pants, a white shirt, and a white straw hat. We walked past him and got into the car, and I burst into tears. My mother, knowing me to be the oversensitive individual that I was, wrapped some change in Kleenex, pressed it into my hand, and told me to give it to the man. I walked over to him, my face read and blotchy, and wordlessly gave him the money. And he looked up at me with a glorious smile on his face--I can still see it so clearly--and said, "Thank you, little lady."
When you want to take best care of yourself, it seems the thing to do is to take care of someone else. There's the salve for today.

Yes guilt and regret..tell me about it.  Working on it.

Hi Charlene:)

 My Mama died in January:( What I have learned is that grief needs a voice. You have to feel the grief and let it move through you. I am sad everyday too and hurt like I never could have imagined. When you love someone so deep than the hurt is just as deep. Please know that your pain is a normal grief response. I send you so much love and peace....heart broken with you...I am so sorry for your loss:(

Hi Charlene:)

thank you...this is a very painful journey. My friend reminds me that a broken heart, is broken-open. hug

Hi Nancy, I am so sorry for your pain. I was very close to my mother who passed in October. What you are describing is what I miss most about my mom too. Sometimes something good will happen and I want to tell her about it then I feel sad I can't just pick up the phone and call her.

Your mom just passed, maybe 6 weeks ago. That is a tall order for you not to be sad, I am sorry you are feeling people are frustrated with you. I have found there are a couple people who I can count on, but it is hard. I have also found counseling extremely helpful. I have done group and one on one and both have their plusses, but it is nice to be able to talk all I need to. We all grieve so differently and the time it takes varies too. 

Linda, I am so sorry sweetie. Loosing your Mama at such a tender age must be so hard. I hope you know that she is ALWAYS with you, in your heart and soul. You deserve to be a happy young woman. I send you love....

I lost my mother in july last year, I had just turned 20. It was a sudden death, and it has been hard for me to move forward after that.
I don't want to bother people I know with my griefing, but I find myself thinking about my mother a lot, and it always makes me very sad and emotional

Hi everyone:)  Loosing a Mother is heart breaking. My Mama died of a rare brain disease that she suffered from for a long while. The trauma surrounding her death is very rough for me. Not having her here has changed my whole world. Please know that I care and feel your pain, very deeply. We are all connected and we are all grieving...be gentle with your heart right now and lots of tender self care. We are loved...

525,600 minutes...that's a year. Today it has been a year since my mom passed away. A friend told me that it doesn't get easier - only more distant. Today, I am undone. I can't keep it together; the grief is as pressing and raw as the day it happened. Every day, in a thousand ways, I miss her. I still reach for the phone when something happens that I want to tell her. I know people think I am crazy, but I still talk to her (out loud when I am by myself). But I have to believe that she can hear me. I have to. 

Dear mom , I am wishing I could hold your hand again. It does not seem real .You were just here in our home where we live together and then gone.I have the hospital bed still in your room and all the other daily things from the red cross there .I have not found it in myself too remove anything from your room.May the 9 my world stopped in its tracks! How does one carry on,when I seem to have nothing that makes these dimples you gave me want to show them off,just a frawn:-(.

I miss you,I love you! I wish at times that I was with you and dad.I know you both want me to carry on and be the best that I can be and have a wonderful life but!!!!

I can not seem to just find 1 bit of in happyness in life right now.Bella and Boomer & the big guy they are the only things keeping me here.

It was so hard saying good bye to you and you know I never liked saying that,it was always see you soon mom.I do look forward to the time that I will meet with you and dad again,oh the hugs!I feel so lost without my best friend my mother.. I love you mom!! 

Your baby Kimberly

Hello everyone! I'm new to this, but very thankful for this support group. Okay so here goes: My mom died just about three months ago and I am overwhelmed with what I'm trying to process. Just going about my day, meeting friends, going to work, running errands, all the usual, normal stuff I do and have always done is now completely overshadowed by an overarching sadness I have. I miss my mom greatly, and while I am grateful for the time we had, the void I feel is unreal. Sometimes- even though I witnessed her take her very last breath- it seems like a dream. So all of this is very difficult to navigate (I've lost all my grandparents before, but this is so different). Does anyone else feel this way? You probably do, but I am so new to this, I figure I'd rather ask and know rather than not ask and not know. Thanks for your time, and thanks for letting me be part of the group!

Hi Meg;)

My Mama died in January and yes, I feel as you do. I also saw her take her last beautiful breath. The reality of loss gets more and more real everyday, for me. How can we not feel deep sadness when our Mamas die? I just try to feel every feeling and know that this is the most painful time of my life. Grief changes everything. Be gentle with yourself, take lots of rest, and get the support you need. I feel like a crazy zombie a lot of the time!  heart broken with you......hug

Thank you, Nancy and Charity! That really means a lot! Phew! I'm NOT crazy!!!

I am a HUGE dog lover. I have two fur babies of my own, and I go nuts when I get to meet a new fur baby, even if I can't take it home. One day, I was out walking my dogs when I saw a little fur blur rush into traffic. Poor thing got hit by a car and sustained a concussion. Quickly, I led my dogs out to the street and picked up traffic's latest victim. I took my dogs home and took Gigi (my name for her) to a pet hospital and paid for her treatment. When I told my mom- an avid dog lover herself- about this, she freaked. "What did you do? How much did you spend? I can't believe you didn't call Animal Control." I was so upset, I had to collect myself before I could move forward with the errands she needed me to do for her that day.

Later on, I posted "found dog" signs where Gigi had run into traffic and I was rewarded with several calls from a grateful owner, who later paid for Gigi's bills. That night, my mother, ever wanting the latest about the mystery of the injured dog, called me. "I know I was hard on you, but you're such a good person with such a good heart." She passed away a week later. I will always treasure those sweet words from my beloved mother. 

What a beautiful story Meg:) I search everyday in my mind for those loving moments between me and Mama. I still have so much trauma and guilt that clouds my way. Thank you for sharing! I am sure you were your Mother's heart sparkle...

Miss you Ma....It is hard to believe that you are gone forever.We have moved to a new town,found a new house.YOU are not there.

I resonate so much with you, Pushpa...may we find peace ...

I'm sorry for your loss Renee

Miss talking to my mom and being able to work through things. No one seems to understand me. Why do people think that you should just get over a death? Surely it's going to be with you for life? :(

Renee;

 I feel as you..I am traumatized by the illness and issues surrounding my Mama's death. Some events play over and over in my mind. I too, have a hard time knowing how to deal with it all. I am hoping that healing and time will help. I hope the same for you...love

I am so sorry Tans...this is a solitary journey for everyone. I understand....love to you