As the calendar turns to May, I'll be staring the most dreadful month personally....birthdays of my Mom and Dad...both gone now, plus Mother's Day.  And, my Dad and grandfather and my aunt/godmother also passed in May.  Can we just skip to June?  Trying to think good thoughts, but it's tough.

"staring down" (typo!)

I know what you mean Jeff. I don't look forward to May at all! My mom's birthday is May 10th and Mother's day is May 11th this year. So my family wants to celebrate her life on her birthday, and then Mother's day on the very next day.  I have not gotten over my mom's death! It's all a bit much for me. I plan on purchasing and planting a tree in her memory with a plaque in her name. And that's how I will celebrate her b day (memory). Family mean well, but some of them just don't understand.

I am with you guys.  This will be the first year without my Mom.  Mother's Day has always been about her, not about me.  I almost told everyone we were not getting together, but then I realized I can still allow my grand children and children to be with me, while making it different.  This year I have told everyone that we will have a picnic and plant a small flower garden in my Mom's honor and a small veggie garden for my dad.

I revised a relevant poem that speaks to me.

Please don’t tell me you know how I feel,
Unless you experienced the exact same relationship my mom and I shared
Please don’t tell me my broken heart will heal, Because that is just not true,
Please don’t tell me my mom is in a better place, Though it is true, I want her here with me,
Don’t tell me someday I’ll hear her voice, see her face, Beyond today I cannot see,
Don’t tell me it is time to move on, Because I cannot, Don’t tell me to face the fact she is gone, Because denial is something I can’t stop,
Don’t tell me to be thankful for the time I had, Because I wanted more,
Don’t tell me when I am my old self you will be glad, I’ll never be as I was before,
What you can tell me is you will be here for me, That you will listen when I talk of my mom You can share with me my precious memories,
You can even cry with me for a while, And please don’t hesitate to say her name Because it is something I long to hear everyday,
Friend please realize that I can never be the same, but if you stand beside me, you may like the new person i become

Indeed a tough May for many but I got lucky on this one.  Parents got married in May so its when two great folks got together. 

great poem.  so true.

Great poem Casey! I have to say it's a tough month. My mom's birthday is this Saturday, May 10th and Mother's Day is on May 11th. She died late last summer and I miss her beyond words every day!!!!

well mothers day is coming up....its going to be hard....makes me think of my mom, but she is in my heart, i plan to have a nice day that day, and get on here to talk if i need to, hope you all are doing ok

I miss my mom so much. She's been gone year and half. i lived here taking care of her and her taking care of me for 28 years. I can not get past this or i should say i can't forgive myself for not doing a better job of taking care of her. i promised i wouldn't put her in nursing home and the last 3 months she was in nursing home. I was scared she was going to hurt herself i had no choice. But my heart is breaking that i broke a promise to my mom. On her good days i would say "Mom do you forgive me for bring you here" she would say yes if you forgive me. I would tell her she has nothing to be forgiven for. we were like 2 peas in a pod. She was my shadow. i love and miss her so much.

happy mothers day Mom.  and god bless all of us and our mothers memomdad.jpg

me too have been digging up old pics of parents and me and found a few. 

Old pix can be a way to recapture the memories.  A cousin just sent me one w/my Dad as a newborn w/my grandparents from 1926!  What a wonderful pic.  Put it right alongside my Mom's picture.  father's day coming up soon.  time moves way too fast..so weird not to have my parents around...

I miss my Mom because she was funny, strong and so so generous and a selfless person. She left my older brother and I on Feb 13 2014 at 3:30 pm. I never had the chance to say goodbye and the last time I saw her was that Sunday. If I would have known that would have been the last time I would ever see her physical body I think I might have stayed longer that day. We spent the day watching horror movies, something we would always do together. I took care of my Mom on the weekends because she was having health problems but getting better. He death was sudden and tragic. Her birthday is coming up on the 22nd of June and I am a bit weary of how I will feel being the very first birthday without her. 

Marcia, I know exactly how you feel! Birthday's, Mother's Day. It's a bit much being without my mother and best friend. It's been 9.5 months. I still cannot believe I will be living the rest of my life without her.

Wendy..exactly!! I find myself going back and forward some days as to excepting her death but yet still in shock. I think on her birthday, I will see a movie I know she would enjoy and write her a letter and cry. I would have loved to share her day with my older brother but he is working himself into a frenzy as to not deal with it so the support from him is not there..so again I feel alone. I have no father because he was never present in our lives and losing her was like losing a mom and a dad.

Thank you for the poem. It's so true! 

Spent the last two months bathing in memories with some pics of me with parents-felt good and sad. Still glad I did it.

I find myself thinking about my Mom all the time.  She passed in December suddenly, with no warning.  My dad is in poor health and today he told me he did not think he would be with us much longer.  I remained strong and supportive, but I know he was telling the truth as he believes it.  I have seen my father's health fail twice as bad as it was before her death.  He now requires oxygen at all times, and finally admitted today he needs a wheel chair so he can make it to his doctors appointments.   I am sad at the lose of my Momma, but I have a feeling my daddy will be joining her shortly.

I find myself praying to God to give us more time.  

my boyfreind said i am being morbid. But the truth is, I am thinking about death alot because of my mother. I sometimes want to just know how i am going to die so i can have some peace. I dont mind dying so much now, because my mother is gone. It almost feels like a release from the pain.

I lost my mom on Tues May 8, 2012 and there hasn't been a day since that I haven't spoken her name or thought about her.... I am lost w/o her... she was the glue of our family.... my dad passed October 15, 2012 lost w/o his sweetie (mom's nickname to all who knew and loved her) when they left me... my siblings dropped me like a bad habit (2 bros & 2sis') I ache everyday roaming this earth alone w/o a family... i'm left now with my 2 kids, 2 grands and my husband... but they don't have the memories to share like sibs .. my heart aches I just want to Lay down with my parents.. it's not getting any easier with time I'm just waiting to join them  

Andib, I love the pic. Wow, you lost both parents within the year. I lost both parents, dad in 2012 and mom in 2013. It is indeed very painful at best. Hang in there, we are all here for you. Carolynn, it has been 10 months since my mom died and a year and 10 months since my dad died. And I know just what you mean about the pain being worse sometimes. Just know that we all understand what you are going through and are here for you. I pray for blessings and comfort to all who have lost a parent. It is the toughest thing I have ever gone through...

Andib, I am sorry to hear about your loss and you describe it perfectly..I feel like i am just roaming on earth without a family...its horrible. I miss my mother so much, especially on sunny day and weekends where families are supposed to be together...and celebrate. I just want to die so many times.

I have thought hard about posting somethings that occurred while we were on vacation. Just a little background information. On Dec 9th my Mother passed away in her sleep and this just rocked my world more than I could ever imagine. During her celebration of life, I selected a specific song to be played, Faith Hill's "There you'll Be". It pretty much sums up how I feel.
In addition to that song, I had decided I would have a tattoo of a Butterfly placed on my shoulder to memorialize my Mom.

Anyhow, on the first day at the cabin I see this perfect little butterfly on the ceiling of the cabin deck. It was perfect in every way. Before long, this butterfly was in the cabin itself, and I would look up, it was always near me, regardless what part of the cabin, it would just appear. I was not thinking about Mom when I at first saw the little butterfly, but as it followed me around in the cabin I could not help but wonder. Then on day 2 we went sight seeing and did a little bit of mild hiking and every time I turned I had a butterfly flying around me and landing on my shoulder. I felt nothing but pure joy.

On Day 3, we had went trail riding in the mountains and it was beautiful. However, shortly after returning to the cabin we discovered the AC was out. We were placed in another cabin and after a few minutes of unloading our stuff into the new cabin came on Mom's song "There You'll Be" . I really feel like this was Momma showing me approval and letting me know she was with me.

I say this vacation was a total "WIN"! It gave Jerry and Me time to reconnect in a stress less environment, but also to remind me that Mom is always with me.

I miss my mother so much. Everytime I work on her memoir, I just break down thinking about how she doesn't have another day to enjoy life, she didn't think she would go so soon. None of us thought she would. I can't handle it. I have nothing without her.  I hate life.

My support is with you Casey.

Thanks..

Casey, I know exactly how you feel. People tell me time will lessen the pain. But, time hasn't really done that for me. When my mom first died I had a hard time functioning in life. I am now able to do that. But, I too miss mom on nice days, and days where family is near. I feel like she should be with us too! It has truly been tough!!!

Wendy, thanks for responding. I can function too, in a way. I think it is mostly because I've gotten more used to mom not coming back. I am using comfort food, internet and many distractions to get on everyday , I am not really successful. When I am alone with my own thoughts, I always just want to cry. Like you said,  I just don't see how time can change anything, the sense of loss is so enormous I am just going with the motion. If i didnt have any other family members (who cannot even remotely come close to the closeness i shared with my mother) I would have just ended it all.

Casey, I totally get what you are saying. My mom was my best friend and she has now passed three and a half years. There is not a day that I don't think about her. In fact there are days where I actually forget that she isn't here anymore, especially if I see something in the shop that she would have loved or if there is a story that I know only she would get. Sometimes yes time makes it easier. Don't ever listen to people who tell you just to get over it or enough already. You will learn who your real friends are. Never forget her and try and think of all the good times together - it sometimes makes it a little easier to get through the day. One thing that helped me as to write in a journal like you would write a letter to her - yes the emotions are there but it's on paper. Each person's experience will be different and for some its easier others will be harder and if you can talk to people about her. She might not be here but remember that she is part of you. You are not alone! Hugs!!!!

I plan to start a journal too.  The shock was so tough that I have just not been able to do much this first year.  Good one Tans and thanks for posting as it gives a really good perspective.

The first year, all I can say is take it easy and be kind to yourself - it's almost like you live in a dream world, where you hope you wake up and the outcome is different. I only started my journal a year later, but from time to time I would talk to her. I have been for counselling soon after my mom's death and now I am going again cause I need a few sessions. Its nice to sometimes talk to someone who will listen and give advice - but take your time choosing that person as they aren't always suitable for you. And it's okay to have a bad day - Usually just tell people around me that I'm down and they give me space. Do what is comfortable for you. No one can dictate how you should feel or act - that's your choice. be you and don't change because people are tired of seeing you that way - they have no idea what you have gone through until they unfortunately go through it themselves. When it gets to much, just remember to breathe! 

Great Tan.  I have not started counseling yet but have located someone online who is potentially the person but let's see.  Since it was suddeen for me i just have been trying to survive and initially it was worse than that even. 

I also realize that the medical doctor is not the right person for counseling and that you really need a person who is a real grief counselor

No a medical doctor will only prescribe meds if you need it, but you need to find a counselor that will 1. explain the stages of grief that you will go through and 2. help to give you the tools to deal with what you are going through. One thing you must remember you can go through all the stages of grief and then one day go right back to one of the either stages. If i can help you are more than welcome to talk to me, all I can give you is steps that got me through and I can listen. My mom died suddenly too. One minute she was ok and then next she had a heart attack and died in my arms. It's not a easy road, but one thing I have learnt especially recently is to talk, I am an introvert and don't really talk to people and it's one thing that as taken a lot of burden on my shoulders off. There will always be the whole and the worst will be all the firsts and then all the holidays and birthdays, etc. Remember her and never forget her. Yes there will be days where you won't remember what she looked like or how she sounded - but know that she loved you and no matter how much you are hurting she is somehow there near you. I miss her everyday, have pictures all around my place of her, just so that I never forget her. Take each day as it is and survive that day.

I know every loss is unique. I lost my dad 18 years ago and I've lost 4 siblings to cancer too. My mom just passed away last week and it's left a deeper hole in me than anything I've ever felt. I was no mama's boy. I was actually doted on by my dad growing up. What is it about losing your mom that hurts so bad? I am someone that has experienced varied and great loss but I didn't expect to feel how I do right now. I believe mom is in heaven with the Lord and I will see her again but I am so dull and sad right now.

You are experiencing the normal feelings Joe H.  It is a huge void. But work on the grief process.

Joe, Danny is right the loss of a parent is a huge void. And the grief process is an ongoing one. No matter what, no one can replace our mother's. They are such a huge part of who we are. No one grieves the same. Just take it one day at a time. Best to you.

Yes you have to work on building a bond so as to not feel completely lost.  This is a key part of my own grief process and is ongoing as Wendy said.  But I feel it is helping a bit.

It's been 1 year and 7 months since mom passed. Today is her birthday. I plan to release some balloons after work. Happy Birthday, mom! I wish you could be here to hold your granddaughter, due October of this year. I love and miss you.

It’s been five months since my mom passed away. Today, I found a photo of my mom on her phone that I hadn’t seen in a long time. It was taken two months before she passed, and I just bawled. I saw the one text msged she ever sent me and that was somehow preserved, she asked me, “are you busy, when do you get off work, you ate yet?”

Since she passed away, I‘ve been working on a memoir. I have about 22,000 words, and everyday, I still reflect on her life, and all the things she ever said and all the things that she done. Every time I write, the wounds open up further more, but it’s the only way I feel like I can “stay” with my mom. The only thing I care to do is to commemorate her and put her entire life into writing because that’s all that matters to me now. I completely lost interest in my life. This is still a nightmare and sometimes I miss my dear dear mother so much. I pinched myself and wonder if this is really happening still. I pray everyday I will be reunited with my mother even if that mean I will die today or right away or suffered the worse fate. I do not even have strong religious or spiritual beliefs but I really just need my mom and my heart is bleeding to death.

Memoir is a good thing Casey.

Lord I miss my mother....it's only been a month. Will it ever get better? I just can't seem to concenrate on anything. Why is it people stop asking how you are after a week or so......

Because they don't know or have not experienced this themselves.

or they dont think its as sad when an adult child loses their mother. Not true, I am 30 and I need my mother more than ever.