Exactly! I would give anything to have mine back! I know it's part of the process but I didn't know if they experienced it A LOT! I don't want to become a bitter person, but I feel it coming if I don't change. So if anyone who has went through that stage and isn't like that anymore, some tips would be greatly appreciated!

I also understand and feel so very angry...I want my Mom,she is gone and I still have not fully accepted it.I find myself picking up the phone to call her,have thoughts that I will run by and see her on my way home from work...I miss her so very much,I am empty without her.

Its especially hard when you need a woman's perspective or advice, female friends and sisters are good but its never the same as your MOM.

I understand that Hannah, I am so empty without mine to! It's not the same anymore! I couldn't agree more Emily!

And of course there are people who you would think would be compassionate and get what you are going through and cut you some slack but for whatever reason, they just have to be "the mean" girl. No one on here, of course, just have discovered how cruel people can be, seems I'm more aware of that now that my mom is gone. I hope that makes some sense.

Emily, oh exactly! I think I knew how people were before but I really became aware of how rude they can be after she passed, and that has been the majority of the people that I have come in contact with. Telling me to get over it about three weeks after her passing..what the crap! That's my Mom, I'll never 'get over it.'

Cynthia, wow that's really sad! But she will regret it when it happens to her! I didn't have the best relationship with my Mom, I never wished for her to die, but it was rocky and I regret that and I probably will for the rest of my life. My whole perspective has changed since she left, I understand now where Mom was coming from and things like that..I wish I knew then, what I know now. Things would have been A LOT different!

I want my mom too

Jennifer, Cynthia,

I can relate to what you are saying.  People just think you should "get over it'.  Well, not so easy, even though my Mom was elderly.  On one level, I think because I had her longer than expected, it's somewhat harder, if that makes any sense.  I was used to having her around. And, my relationship w/my Mom was challenging, even infuriating at times, but to say that she should've died sooner?  that's really messed up.  Re: voice messages, I'm also hanging onto one from the day before my mom passed. 12 seconds long.  that's all I have left. 

Strength, healing and good thoughts, I wish for all of us. It's just hard.

I don't have a voicemail of my Mom but I do have a video of her talking in the background about my Cairn Terrier, Toby. It's about 25 seconds long..I haven't been able to listen to it, but I'll always cherish it! I feel like the days get harder as well, instead of easier!

My sister has a voicemail from my Mom wishing her a happy birthday but my phone is new so I have nothing. My computer also crashed several months ago and I lost all my pictures. All I have are a few from last Thanksgiving and Christmas because she hated having her picture taken. My cousin lamented that he will be glad when all the technical details are taken care of because he feels like it's been months but for me it still feels like yesterday! It hasn't even been a month yet and he's asking if my mother had jewelry set aside for his stepdaughter which infuriated me but I bit my tongue. My Mom is gone and he is thinking about her jewelry. UGH! 

Cairn terrier huh?  My mom was a  big fan of Aussie terriers, a dog that is quite similar to the Cairn. We got hooked on thiem when I was a kid and now I am on #4.  I have lots of pix of Mom and our Aussies over the years :-)  I like to think she's been reunited with them (I hope).

Kristen, I get that! My Mom was in a coma, and my family went and tore the house apart trying to find something that they could take..and she hadn't even passed yet! I know I've got to forgive them, but they don't even talk about her anymore, like she never existed or anything! Ughh some people I swear..to me, it feels like it happened yesterday, yet seems forever since I've seen her face, if that makes sense. My mom didn't like pictures either, so the few that I do have, I've made several copies so I never lose them, I even put some in the safe. 

Jeff, yeah my Mom was a Basset Hound lover but she got the Terrier for me. Well she fell in love, so he was her baby, and now he is back with me. He grieved for her for about eleven months, and it was so sad but I think I've got him to where he is ok now. He never stopped eating or anything but he sure did lose his joy. Aww, I think she is reunited with them, since they were a huge part of her!:)

Jeff, just looked up Aussie Terriers, what a cutie! Some of them does resemble a Cairn Terrier!:)

I so wish I still had one of my Mom's message's she left on my machine...deleated them when I still thought she would be here with me forever.I would love to hear her voice,hear her say my name.

Hannah, I wish I would have kept text messages or emails. My Mom wasn't a I love you type of person, she had a hard time saying it, but she wrote it out everytime. 

Cynthia, so glad that you have a few of them. I've only managed to listen to the video I have of my Mom once. I understand it being heartbreaking and relieving at the same time. Aww, I'm glad you found the cat a good home. Some people are really good with animals, and animals have a good sense of judgement so that just goes to show that your Mom had a heart of gold!:) Beautiful dog by the way!

I still have a message on my phone frommy mother. It breaks me into pieces but i cannot delete it. It will be 2 years June 26th. It feel forever. God bless you.

My thoughts and prayers are with you Sue! Coming up on birthdays and anniversaries are very hard to deal with at times! We are here if you need to talk! *Hugs*

Hello All, it's been a while since I been on here. For those that have not seen me on here before, my name is Brette and I lost my mom last year on St Patricks day! I just have a question for everybody that has lost a mother.  How does God know who is the strongest to survive a lost as such as a mother? For all of us our mothers was our everything. And I guess I just want to know why is that some of the people in the world get to grow old with their mothers and then there are us that lost our mothers early before we had the chance to enjoy a fruitful life with them.  Its like how was I chosen to not have a mother or father?  When somebody that is of my equal age still has one or both of their parents? I'm lost! I just want my mom back!! But I am praying for all of us during this heartbreaking time!

It's been 11 months. I want my mom, too. I want so much to be able to pick up the phone and call her again. If I had known then what I know now, I would have made so much more of the time when I had her. May God rest the souls of all our mommies and may He bring healing to our hearts. . . . .

Brette, I've been thinking very similar thoughts. My mom died suddenly and unexpectedly in early April at the age of 57. When I see an older couple enjoying their golden years, I wonder why my parents didn't get to have that. When I see a grandmother at the park with her grandkids, I get angry that my kids were denied that. I talk to other women who complain about taking care of their elderly moms, and I get angry inside that they get that opportunity and don't appreciate it. Why don't I get that chance? We'll never have answers to these questions, but it's hard to ignore them.

Fate is a cruel mistress...my Dad passed away just when he turned 50yrs old; I was just a kid.  But, my Mom more than made up for it until she passed away in February at 86yrs.  It is hard to care for elderly parents when they become ill and it can be quite expensive; I get it.  But, once they are gone, it's just a huge void.

I'm having a really difficult day. My 2-year-old keeps asking to see his Nana, and I'm so worn out from explaining that she's dead, so we can't play with her anymore. I've just about finished decorating the nursery, and it breaks my heart that my mom will never see it...she was so excited for this new baby. I want to talk to her so badly, and I miss her so much! I still can't wrap my head around the fact that she's gone.

I totally agree with you Amanda! I always wonder 'why' even though I'll never know the answer!:'( I do get angry, and sometimes I think too much because I know a lot of people who wish death on their parents, and while our relationship may have been rocky at times, I would have never wished this..NOT EVER!

Aww that is so sad Amanda, I thought I was pregnant before my Mom passed and she was so excited about that! I'm really glad I wasn't now..I don't want to have children without her!:/

Muuna, yeah I understand the mixed emotions. It's like we want them here desperately but we couldn't ask them to come back if we could because they are better off than we are now. They are finally at peace!

 My Mom and I would always visit my nieces and nephew together, so that if they ever saw us apart they'd ask where the other was. Whenever I visit now, they ask "Where's Grandma?" and it's so hard because they're so young I worry they'll forget... I know they will. They had come to visit her in the hospital a few days before and that's the last time they'll ever see her. I have no kids of my own and I agree that now I don't know if I ever could because I need my Mom so much! How could I ever do any of it without her? She supported me through everything and that source of unconditional love and guidance in the world is gone. I just want to talk to her so bad.

I know right! People say that people who have passed get to see their grandchildren or family members before they are born, but even if that's true, it's still not the same without her here! I have no interest in dating or starting a family..it's kinda hard seeing myself being happy without her!

Coming up on 6 months since Mom passed on, and I see more light than darkness. I am checking in to tell all of you that are in the early stages, the middle stages, the late stages--wherever you are in your grief process--it does get easier. Two months ago I was in the worst, blackest cloud of depression that I have ever experienced in my life. I truly felt that life would never get better and I would never get through the loss of my dear mom. I am now taking medication (an anti-depressant) and working with a counselor, and while I am sad and still miss my mom, I am no longer crippled or overwhelmed with my grief. I can eat, sleep, and take care of myself. I can think of my mom and smile. I still have waves of grief come over me--that is part of the process--but I am learning how to cope with it and allow this process to happen. I will always miss my mom. But it is getting a little bit easier. I know that I will never "get over" her death. When you lose someone close to you--someone who meant the world to you--I don't think you ever "get over" it. You learn how to move through your grief and live in a way that honors them. I love you, Mom. I miss you.

Thank you for that comment Eliza! I think the reason why I still feel so bad, is because I have Bipolar and PTSD and my emotions are all over the place. Everyone that I have talked to, says that it does get better so I'll just have to wait until that time comes for me!

Thank you for sharing that, Eliza. Saturday marks one month since my Mom died. I can't believe it's been that long since I spoke to her and that time keeps moving me further away. Everything seems so meaningless without her. 

"You learn how to move through your grief and live in a way that honors them." 

All I can do now is hope to honor her, like you said. 

glad to hear you are doing better Eliza.  I agree, you never "get over it", the pain just subsides a bit. But, the emptiness is always going to be there, IMHO. It's 4 months for me and the days are a bit better now, but there's that feeling of loss that won't go away.

I'm glad that my experience could help some of you. I still have my "down days", but I let them happen--my counselor pointed out that grief will come out in one way or another. I always feel cleansed after crying. Someone on here mentioned feeling jealousy and anger; I, too, experienced those emotions (I still do sometimes), particularly in the early stages of my grief. I could not go out to the store and see a mother/daughter unit without feeling like 1.) I would burst into tears, 2.) achingly lonely, and 3.) bitter and angry. I still feel sad when I see moms and daughters. For me, lately I struggle with the idea of having a child without my mom being there for me. My husband and I are almost ready to start a family, and I am not sure how I feel about going through this without mom. I want a child, but I also feel sad to know that she'll miss out on meeting her grandchild. Anyone else experience this?

Kristin, I know how you feel. I still feel that way--on some days, it feels like it's been no time at all, and on others, it seems like forever. Sometimes I listen to the voicemails she's left on my phone. I'll never erase them. Other days I just talk to her out loud. 

Jeff, that's how I feel, too. It's like something you can't ever truly resolve. The pain is lessening, but I still miss her, I still want her here.

Eliza, my mom passed away in April. I have a 2-year-old son, and I am expecting another boy in early July. The thought of raising these boys without knowing my mom just baffles me. If you have children, you will be sad that they don't know your mom, of course, but you'll have so much joy too. I found a greater connection to my mom after I had children, and I feel it now even though she's gone. Your life, and your husband's, goes on. If the two of you want children, then have them and cherish them the way your mom cherished you.

Eliza, my experience is very similar to Amanda's. I am almost 8 months pregnant, expecting my first child and my mother passed away just 3 months ago. It has been the hardest experience of my life. I often feel like I have been cast adrift with no one to guide me through the very scary new experience. My only comfort is that I had a wonderful mother who I can use as an example when being a mother myself. May I echo Amanda's sentiment: if you want children, then you should have them. You can tell them all about your mom someday and you can love them the way she loved you.

Hello All,

I am so sorry for you Amanda, Muuna, Kristin, Eliza, Maddy, Jeff and Jennifer.

My siblings and I used to check on my Mother for several years prior to having to care for her 24/7. I used to think it was such a bother when I had just gotten a new house and wanted to spend time there. Then I met a friend online who had just lost his Mother. He was as we are now; would have given anything to have her back. He told me to cherish her while she was here. So that is what I would think of everytime I would think she was a bother.

My aunt's children placed her in a skilled nursing facility as soon has they learned she had cancer. My Mother was in worse condition and she was still at home with caregivers 24/7. Both my siblings and I, plus paid aides. Well, it is their loss not having that time to be with her prior to her death.

I agree you never "get over it". I have lost both my parents, grandparents, a fiancee, and friends. I have never "gotten over" losing them all. I just have learned to live without them.

I too want my Mother back so badly!!! Everyday I wish I could turn back the clock to when she was healthy and I was still living with her after my Dad died. We were so close and were up until she died. My head knows she was 85yrs old and sick and she is at peace now. But my heart(and I am now in tears) wants to hear her and kiss her and fix her favorite dinner, pork roast and mashed potatoes. Get her a chocolate milk shake from Wendy's, even though she was not supposed to have them with her diabetes. Weekends are shear hell because I always spent Saturday from 5PM to Sunday at 5-6PM. Every Sunday I would ask her what she wanted for breakfast and she always said the same thing---Rice Krispies!! I once asked her who she was having the afaire with, Snap, Crackle or Pop. And without missing a beat she replied--Pop!!!

I am like all of you---my heart can't get through this; it's been 7 months and it still feels like yesterday. I want her back. And I feel so stupid being a 50 yr old woman crying for her Mother. I am not any ones little girl anymore.

Kimberly,it matter's not how old you may be...you will always be your Mother's little girl.I too am 50+ and I miss my Mommy! And,Cynthia I am about to reach that month mark without my Mom,and I still can't believe that she is gone.I catch myself going to pick up the phone and call her,then it hits me...I can't call her.My heart aches to have her with me.

Hi,

Thanks Cynthia and Hannah. My husband does not understand this because he is not close to his family. In fact he thinks my family being so close is an exception to the rule. None of his friends have families that are close.

I feel like there is no one to be proud of me now. Just emptiness.

And I know what you mean about calling her. She always liked watching golf(she got into watching it because I did when I still lived at home) and the triple crown races.. Anything with animals like dog shows, parades etc. I thought today when the Belmont was coming on I should remind her, but next thought she is watching it from heaven.

We had to split up her things very quickly after she died because they only give 2 weeks in the elderly/hanicapped housing apartment complex she lived in to clear out her stuff so it can be rented. (They have a year long waiting list to get in.)But the whole time I kept thinking we shouldn't be taking Mom's stuff, she will want it back. It hadn't sunk in yet she was gone. I still have not touched any of it except the Christmas stuff, which I pretty much just packed away with my own.

I don't know how to do this, get along without her. I have a small pillow my sister gave her that she did not want back. It says "When all the world forgets you, there is still a Mother waiting." But that's not true anymore. At least not on Earth, but I can't think past that now. I want her back where I can see, hear and talk to her. I would do anything for that.

Hello everyone,

This time last year my now 2yr old daughter and I went home to visit my mom for 3 weeks.  I was so happy to see my mom interact with my first born and her first grandchild.  My mother would take her photo album everywhere to show off her granddaughter.  When we got there we spent time going to visit her friends who knew of my daughter from my mom's pictures.  I was 7 months pregnant at the time with my son.  I had know idea that my mother wouldn't be with us within the next month.  We all enjoyed each other so much.  I miss her so much! 

Sometimes I get sad when I see my daughter doing new things and know that my mom would have gotten so much joy from watching and hearing about her.  Even as I look at my son who she was only able to see on ultrasound I am brought to tears.  He is the sweetest little baby boy ever and he melts everyone's heart.  I hate that she didn't get to hold or play with him.  It's hard because I don't want my daughter to ever forget her and I want so much for my son to understand how great of a grandmother and person she was.  It will one year next month since I last spoke with her.  I hate having to go through this life without her.

Kisha, there are a couple women on here, myself included, who can really relate to what you've gone through. My mom died in April. My son is 2 years old, and I am expecting our second in early July. The thought that my older son will forget the amazing grandmother he had, and that my youngest won't understand what he lost, is so hard for me to bear. My 2 year old has already changed so much in the short time since she passed, and she's missed it. She will miss so much, and they will miss out on having her in their lives.

Dear All,

My deepest condolences to everyone, new and old members.

I have gotten over the fact that no one feels the way I do, except my dad.  Not my brother or my sister.  but they did not have the same relationship I did with my mom.  So whatever.  I miss my mom, I'm sad everyday, and I cry.  and i talk about it with my therapist.  That's the way it is.

God Bless,

Mike

Dear new friends:

I am honored to be in the company of such good souls. Losing one's mother is traumatic at any age. Let us help one another.

Love to all,

MD