My outlook isn't so great today! My sister's true colors came back. I have to remove them from my life. Really. I was hopeful that I was wrong about them. This fall out is over ...yes...I asked for a small credenza...and turns out someone else has their eye on it! They have been busy little bees! I have made the decision to just walk away. They can keep all of the furniture. It was beyond any of them to be kind to me ONCE in their lives. To much to ask. So....I am a bit depressed today knowing how pathetic my family is.

Sue, I'm sorry to hear about your experience.  it's not worth fighting over material stuff.  I hope you do what is best for you and it seems like you do.  it's hard enough to deal with the loss of your mom and in my opinion I agree with your decision to walk away.  it's not worth it.  be strong!  peace.

Hello Everyone I'm new here.. I lost my mom 7 months ago..It's really hard to function daily without her because not only did I lose my mom I lost my best friend. We talked on the phone alot..every single day in fact if one of us didn't hear from the other we always thought something was wrong so we would call each other no matter what time of day or night to check why the other didn't call.. I miss those calls..after she passed I still found myself reaching for the phone trying to tell her something the kids did that day..I would start to dial and then remember she was gone :( Or  I would dream about her it would be so real and when I woke it was like losing her all over again. It's been hard..But I try to stay strong for my children..Sorry to talk your ear off...but not many people will listen thanx so much I hope we all can become friends. :)

that dreaded time of year is approaching, not sure how it will be, hopefully peaceful, i just want my mom back....i lost here near thanskgiving and christmas, this is going to be so hard....but i have a new loved one that will support me....my sentiments to all that will have a hard time this year....love to all....rachel....mercy, write me girl

Hi Melissa,

I'm sorry for your loss, my mom died in 2005 and she was my best friend.  Like you we spoke everyday, sometimes for hours.  When she died I felt like everyone else went back to their normal lives except me because my normal like included her.  It took me a while to realize I would never have that normal life again.  What helped me was I journaled everyday, and prayed to God to give me some peace.  I knew that my mom would want me to live a full joyful life which kept me going.  I too went to reach for the phone anytime the kids did something, or a situation would come up in my life that I wanted her advice.  I also joined a 6 week bereavement group that really helped me alot, I did that about 9 months after her death.  I can tell you that it does get better, everyone's time line is different, we all grieve in our own way.  I will miss her to the day I die, and I believe I will see her again, that gives me hope.  I will keep you in my prayers.  Take care of yourself!

God Bless,

Denise

I felt like I am on the training, Mom got off, the train kept on moving, left her further and further behind......

Denise thank you so much for you kind words..I'm so sorry about your mom. Your right exactly that's how I feel everyone was able to return to their normal lifes But I can't. I miss her so much. I feel like I can't fully let out all the grief I feel because I don't think I could live through it..So I let a little out at a time.. I can't keep it bottled up. it used to hurt me so bad when someone would talk about her I would just clam up or walk. away but I want to talk about her now. everyone has seemed to have moved on and I haven't I don't know if I can move on without her here. My whole life had my mom in it.

Hugs to you, Melissa

Melissa; I know the feeling of everyone moving on and feeling like you are the only one who cannot. My sibblings have very busy and full lives, they are very preoccupied with their kids, friends, etc. I live far from home and my life though busy, is very predictable. I feel like I don't even want to get over this process because it will feel like I'm leaving my mom behind. I'm coping a little better but I know this grief will last the rest of my life.

Hi

Rachel; hope you are doing well. I miss reading your posts. I hope things are looking up for you. Talk later.

I'm very sorry Elaine I know how it is..Believe me..Like I said before I have no idea where I would be if I didn't have the kiddo's to keep me from going insane

I lost my mother to Ovarian Cancer a year and a half ago and I still am having problems coping with her loss.  Everyone even my dad is telling me to move on, but for some reason I'm at a standstill.  I thought something was seriously wrong with me, but it sounds like everyone is going through the same.  That makes me feel a little better!

Hi llana,

Everybody grieves differently, there is no right way, there is no time-line. The relationship we had with our loved one is unique to each of us, so it makes sense that our grief is also unique. It took me 2 years two heal from my mom's death, and I use heal lightly, because I will never stop missing her until the day I die.   Other's don't get to decide when you should move on, when the time is right you will decide how to proceed with your life.   Until then take care of yourself I will keep you in my prayers!

God Bless,

Denise

my mommy passed away 4 months ago... i miss her every day....

I have the opposite problem you have Elaine!  No one invited me for Thanksgiving dinner.  My brother and his wife invited me to dinner on 11/23, which is the day before because on Thanksgiving Day, they were invited to be with my brother's wife's family.  I don't feel comfortable telling friends I will be alone because they will feel sorry for me!  My mother was the one who made Thanksgiving a family holiday and now that she's gone, the spirit of the holiday went with her.  My dad decided not to spend Thanksgiving with me and my brother and prefers to spend it with his girlfriend on a cruise.  I'm afraid to be alone on Thanksgiving and I don't know what to do!  I heard some stores will be open and offering deals so I guess I could go shopping and then get turkey at Boston Market, which I hear is open on Thanksgiving Day.  I just want to cry right now because I'll be alone on Thanksgiving Day. 

I'm a fool..I used to think while I was growing up that my mom would be around forever. I never once thought of my mom dying..Not once! I wish I had..I mean geez maybe if I had I wouldn't have been so blind sided when it happened! I miss her so much it hurts! I want her back, But I know that's not possible..Then why do I keep saying it. I don't like it when my mother in law acts like she's my mother now. I have a mother. I know she's trying to help but it rubs me the wrong way.

I hear you Melissa; I even resent it when my fiance talks to his mom, its like being reminded all over again that I don't have my mom to talk to. Mom can never, ever be replaced; I canno wiat to be out of this body to be with her.

Guadalupe,

First I'm so sorry for your loss of your dad and your mother. It takes a very strong person to care for their parents and you still finished school you are amazing. I bet your parents were very proud of you! I'm sorry for the pain you are feeling. When my mom passed I was in shock for about 2 months and didn't deal with it. It's been 7 months since she's passed. I'm still hurting and missing her everyday. But I know crying and grieving for her is helping me. Because I'm still getting out of bed everyday. At first don't expect to much out of yourself just take one day at a time. it will get easier to carry on with your life later I have just started getting back into my life the last couple of months. everyone griefs at their own pace there is no right or wrong way to do it.. Do what's right for you. Big hugs to you. I'm here if you need to talk,

Melissa

I know how you feel Guadalupe!  I lost my mother a year and a half ago to ovarian cancer and I feel lonely all the time.  Thank God I have my 10 year old son because without him, I don't know what I would do.  My father hardly calls me anymore or sees his grandson because he spends all his time with his new girlfriend and my brother just got married so he is too busy to call me.  I feel like they have moved on, but I can't!  Even my friends have abandoned me.  Not that I can blame them, because I was so inside of myself that I didn't stay in touch with them anymore!  Not that I'm one to give good advice, but is there someone you can talk to like a counselor.  I see a counselor every month and it is very comforting to talk to someone about my feelings rather than keeping them inside.  I'm sorry for your losses!

Guadalupe, I feel for your multiple losses.   About 6 weeks before my mother passed, one of my closest friends died suddenly from a severe asthma attack at the age of 65.   Like you, I am single and have no children.  Eight years ago I moved 30 miles to be closer to Mom and sister. 

My older sister and I took care of our mom with the rest of the family being anywhere from 600 to 3000 miles away.  When I wasn't working full time, my weekends were structured around giving my mother and older sister a break from each other.  Our parents, though living in separate states, never divorced even after 38 years apart.  My sister is most like my dad; I am most like my mom.  Some of those dysfunctional patterns carried on to us--as we sometimes disagreed about several aspects of our mother's care.   Ultimately Mom's end was so quick that most of those issues are now moot.  Yet some of the hard feelings remain as my sister searches for someone to take care of.  Since I'm closest in proximity, I am the uncomfortable target of her attempts.  She needs to find her own way as do I.

As I observed my immediate family during the time of my mother's memorial service, I managed to slip on my counselor's hat.  Each of us--Dad, big sister, brother, and younger sister expressed our grief in very different ways.  I was surprised how hard Dad was taking the loss.  For myself, initially I felt that something was ripped out of my heart and solar plexus.   My older sister did not share her feelings.  Then my sister and I had to make arrangements for the aftercare and memorial service which ended up being 5 weeks after Mom's passing.  More delays.  

What has been tremendously helpful for me is that I went back to church and am singing in the choir.  I love music and have not had an outlet for singing for years.   I'm considering taking an art class.   This is part of my being good to me.

Take care,

Kris  

I miss you mom, especially this holiday, i love u more than life itself, miss u more than you can know....u would be happy for me, found a wonderful man....i will always love and miss u

Elaine, I hope this doesn't come off the wrong way but my mom passed away in June and although the pain of losing my mom was even greater than I could ever imagine, life is a gift given to you by your mom (and your dad of course) that I would hope you never give up.  I love my mom and when I (try) to treat others as well as mom would treat others, there she is, right next to me...In spirit.

I wish this site had a like Button on post. That is So true Kevin..I'm very sorry your feeling that way Elaine. I too had alot of those same feelings at first but if my mom knew I was thinking that way she would kick my butt. I miss my mom so much and life is so hard without her..I'm taking one day at a time and doing the best I can. I know my mom would want me too. When we found out my mom was dying she was more worried about us then herself (just like her) She made me promise I would take care of myself. I love you so much mom <3

im ss elaine....i miss my mom so bad, she didnt want to leave me, but god had other plans for her....i still cant believe to this day that she is gone, doesnt seem real or possible...she was so special...i just wish she hadnt died in the fashion that she did....she was 80 so lived a full life...im so glad i have someone to share my life with now, and she would be so happy....more than happy

I miss mom so much, I feel like theres a deep, dark hole in my soul that cannot be filled. My family will be here with me tomorrow, but theres going to be that missing part of me that will not be filled by anything or anyone. I would have wanted to stay home, in bed all day tomorrow but my family insist we have to do something; I feel like I'm being pushed to move on; I feel so stuck.......the pain is physical, I never knew that grief could hurt physically.

mercy my friend, you will be fine hun....no worries...im having a hard time too

This is a time of the year to say thanks.  But I am not going to thank God because he took my Mom away 3 months ago.  Mom was a very loving, caring person who made everyone around her happy.  She never smoked a day in her life and yet she died of lung cancer.  Does not make any sense to me.

@ Jun.  I'm sorry and I feel your pain.  Please hold on to your wonderful memories and I hope your faith will heal you. Stay strong and trust that God is not the one who took your mom away but God will help you cope with your loss.  Remember, smoking increases one's chances of lung cancer and that implies (unfortunately) that lung cancer occurs in people that don't smoke. 

2011 will be the first thanksgiving without that special woman in my life. although she is not with me in the flesh her spirit will be. As challenging as it will be, I will remain grateful for all that life has blessed me with, especially the love of Ana Davila, the greatest woman I will ever know...the one who guided me far enough to know I could handle the rest the journey. Enjoy your first Thanksgiving in a long time with abulela mami. Missing you more than ever.

Thanks Rachel; it all went well. We tried to focus on happy things and memories. I was resistant to hosting thanksgiving; ultimately my family convinced me to host and I think it did me some good. I thank you all for your support.

I know how you feel Elaine!  It's been a year and a half since my mother passed away and I am still stuck in the grieving process.  It doesn't help that my father doesn't want to spend any time with me or my brother and spends all his free time with his new girlfriend. 

you don't have to leave your loved one behind to move forward. I'm taking my mom's legacy and memory right along with me. She was such a strong caring women. I hope to be half as great as her. My mom suffered sooo much. It killed me to see her in so much pain. I prayed to god..to take away her pain. I prayed with all my might. My mom went on hospice March 3rd 2011 and April 7th 2011 She left this world and all though I was sad to see her go..I thank god every day that she has no more pain. I told her it was ok to go..That I would be fine..I plan to keep that promise to my mother. It doesn't mean I miss her any less or need her any less. I just didn't want her to hurt anymore. When I walked into the room the morning she passed the shine was shining down on her face..and the first time in months she looked relaxed and at peace! I miss you mom every minute of everyday I love you! with all my heart! I will see you again! I feel you here with me..thank you for being there even though you are gone from this world.

Melissa...I love what you have written. I wish I could feel the same way. Mom died in my arms and I watched the life drain from her face. It haunts me. My mother was everything you say about your mother. I did also pray for God to take her - she suffered so much too. Melissa, I don't know how to create a quality, meaningful life for just me. I feel so very alone now. Mom was everything to me. Melissa please call me when you can 941-809-8673. I could use a grounded friend who is experiencing what I am. I am also dealing with some crap at work that I am having a hard time with. I don't deal well with nasty people and there are 2 girls I have to work with who are just that. Love Sue

Elaine, I understand your pain and it really stings at the heart.  The holidays were hard.  I missed my mom so much. I leaned on the laughter of my friends and co-workers.  Although the persons I leaned on were not my blood relatives, just knowing they were showering me with kindness in light of my heavy sadness healed me in subtle way.  The holidays were no doubt hard for you and for all of us sharing on this board but trust that those people trying to distract you can help heal.  but you have to allow them to help you.  From what you wrote, It sounds like they do care about you.  Maybe not like your mom - but then something so special and so unique as a healthy relationship with one's mother is not replicable.  Can you see that so many people have never even realized the love of a mother (because they are abandoned, abused, orphaned)?  at least you've had that love for 60 years. I lost my mom at 39.  I would love to have known her another 20 years.  You are lucky, if you really look at it differently.  Be well.  -Kevin

Melissa, in a "way" I feel like you meaning that I'm glad my mother is no longer in pain.  It was horrible watching her suffer and having no more good days after her surgery on August 12th.  However, I miss her and am now finding myself in protective mode...not feeling much other than emptiness.  I have a 10 year old daughter who desperately wanted the Christmas tree up along with decorations.  If it wasn't for her, I would have probably skipped Christmas this year.  I'm an only child and my mom lived with me so my relationship with her was close and sacred.  I still can't believe my mom is gone...

Lisa,

I'm so sorry for your loss..I also have young children, So I know how you feel there. It's like you kinda "have" to do thing's Sometimes I wish I could skip the holidays too. But I would not do that to my kids I don't want them to remember their childhood as sad and depressing. It's hard I struggle everyday to keep moving forward. My youngest 2 children have Birthdays this month as well. One on the 5th and the 11th..Matthew will be 5 and my son Nathan will be 2..It's going to be so hard without my mom. My mom passed about 2 weeks b4 my oldest son turned 7. I didn't cancel his party I got a huge bounce house and pizza and cupcakes invited our friends and close family. My mom would have been upset with me if we hadn't celebrated. I know she was there with us :) I guess I am strong...My mother and my children make me that way.

Big hugs to you!

Melissa

I lost my mom a month before I turned 30..it sucks to cause our birthdays were 4 days apart so we always celebrated together. My birthdays are forever changed. I don't really mind not being into them though since turning 30 I don't feel much like celebrating getting older anyways. I do plan however to make my mom a cake on her Birthday and send some balloons and a single flower up. I think the kids will enjoy the symbolism. All we can do is the best we can :) take care all

  Melissa

Elaine, what about those children with disabilities you work with?  Don't you believe you have had an impact on their lives?  I bet that you have.  Your life is not pointless. It may seem dark at the moment,  but working with disabled children sounds nothing like a pointless life.  -Kevin

I agree with you Kevin. It takes a very special person to teach disabled children. Elaine I'm sure you are very important in those children lives :) My son is Autistic and has epilepsy and chronic asthma...He's also on his second set of tubes. The school system sucks here! I wish I could find a teacher that could actually take the time to get to know my son..Instead of deeming him unteachable, They would know that he is brilliant he just learns differently :)

I have a daughter with special needs (cerebral palsy and deafness) and my mom loved her unconditionally.  It's not easy raising a child with special needs, but equally a blessing.  I always tell people that my daughter is my soul mate as we are so connected.  I adopted her at 6-months of age (internationally) and my mom was the proudest grandmother.  My mother would not have left my daugther if she had any ounce of energy, but the cancer was just too advanced.

Its so sad reading all your stories and memories of moms; most of your stories read like mine. The pain will never go away for us, it only gets easier to live with. I have a co-worker who was very upset that her mom caused so much inconvenience for them during thanksgiving, she is 89, very dependent and this drives my friend crazy. I get so mad at God knowing that He took away my mom, who we loved more than life itself, we didn't mind all the inconvenience she ever caused us; it was a blessing to do anything for her. My co-worker doesn't know just how lucky she is, she takes it all forgranted. I miss mom so much, it hurts physocally.

Mercy.

I know what your saying..theres alot of people that treat their parents horrible, and take them for granted...It makes me so mad...I'm jealous they still have their moms. I really hate feeling jealous. Today is my son's birthday He's 5..He was really close to my mom. Last yr she forgot to call him on his..Birthday..the next day I called her..I said mom do you remember what yesterday was? it took her a few (she was in alot of pain we didn't know why then) when she realized she started crying I felt so bad..I wasn't mean I knew it just slipped her mind I didn't mean to make her cry. I just wanted her to be able to wish him a Happy Birthday! Well there will not be a call this yr either :( It will be 8 months on the 7th that she's been gone, I still cry everyday! I still call out to her.

Melissa; I hear you. Mom loved my two year old so much. Everytime I look at the presents she bought her; it brings tears to my eyes. I hate that my baby is growing up without the love of a grandma. I'll try and keep her memories alive and when she gets older; she'll know just how much mom loved her.

Hi everyone ~ not sure exactly where to post this, so I decided to start here.  I have received SO MANY sympathy cards over the past two weeks.  Not sure what to do with them.  I feel guilty if I throw them away, but they aren't exactly good memories either.  I'm curious to know what others did (if you don't mind)?

Hi Lisa, I will be perfectly honest here.  I dont think anyone else in my life realizes this but I have not opened the condolence cards since July.  There is a basket of them and I just can not face them.  I have tried to figure out why and can not come up with an answer, but I cannot and will not deal with them.  After my son died in 2010 those same kind of cards came and were opened, displayed for the whole family to read and take comfort in I suppose, but not my husbands.  What I did with my sons cards was to put them in one of those photo boxes that have a place for a picture on the top of the box.  The picture is my favorite one of my son.  There are some other things in that box now.  A card he sent to me, a brooch he bought me, etc.  One day maybe I will be able to make something similiar for my husbands things.

Mom's friend published a nicely written article in a local newpaper in memory of her.  The newspaper has over 12 million subscriptions.  Another friend of her wrote about her in the blog.  It's comforting to know that she touched so many people's lifes.

Lisa,

I only received a few but I just put them up..My stepfather got the rest I'm not sure what he did with them. You do what you want with them..If you feel like throwing them away do it. or just get a box and put them in your closet so you don't have to look at them everyday. I put everything away for a while pictures and all I think it was like 6 months after before I could look at pictures even.