Robin, emotions are definitely hard to deal with, mine range from one thing to another too....I am glad I'm going to church too, I really need to....and its my second family there....I enjoy the worship and we sing and have fun....and it keeps me close to mom....hang in there Robin

i miss my mom so much every day i don't know how to deal with it

its very hard chrissy, and I feel the same way about my mom....

If you all don't mind, I wanted to share a poem my mother wrote when she was in high school....it makes me miss her talent, and how she envisioned heaven to be....I wanted to share

 

A SUMMER PASTIME

 

On long summer days when I'm left all alone, I lie on the cool velvet grass; and watch the white clouds with their linings of gold go floating so peacefully past.

 

The clouds look like pillows delightfully soft, fluffed by the angels above; I watch the clouds dancing with sunbeams so bright, these white downy pillows I love.

 

I'll build a tall ladder and climb up to heaven and there on a cloud I will lie, and sleep there forever in a haven of peace, just me and the clouds and the sky.

 

I hope you all enjoy this, I think its beautiful and it brings me peace....Rachel

i love the poem and its clear to see your mother had a great talent for writing

thanks chrissy...my mother was multi-talented, my dad too, i was truly blessed....thanks again, im glad you liked it

Rachel Lynn- that was such a beautiful poem.  I can so see my moma fluffing up clouds now.  It will make me think a little differently every time I see a cloud.  It also makes me remember laying out in the sun w/ my moma (before you knew it was bad for you) and talking about the different shapes the clouds made and little stories to go w/ the shapes.  A nice memory to end a sad day for me (you know....the up and down emotional roller coaster)

Rachel, I loved the poem. So peaceful and happy. It made me think of my mom as a happy guardian angel resting in the clouds. Thanks for sharing, I can tell your mom is a beautiful soul, I know how much you must miss her. My mom gave me a painting she did before she died. I'll treasure it forever.

 

On Mother's Day I was feeling really crappy and I started writing a letter to my mom. I remembered many years ago (I was 10) when my grandmother died, watching my mom cry. Then, a happy thought finally came out of all this- it would be my mom's first Mother's Day reunited with HER mom. Just thinking about that made me happy.

im glad you all loved the poem and that i could share....it brought me joy and peace its so delightful, hope it did the same for you....my mother painted also Caitlin, professionally, I have all of her best paintings in my room....it keeps me close to her, I want to go visit her grave soon, but not quite ready....I do miss her with all my heart

Thank you so much Rachel for sharing. Moms are so special, its so sad that we have to live the rest of our lives without them. I miss my mom so much, this emptiness is all consuming. One of my co-workers has an 89 year old mom and she wishes she were dead. I cry to think how much we wanted mom around but she left too soon yet these family that is tired of their mom gets to have her for a long time.

thats terrible that person wants their mom to die..thats awful...89 is a blessing...my mom was 80 and that was a blessing too....I cant imagine not wanting my mom here....geez....it is all consuming, I am managing, but its hard...I'm beginning to enjoy things again little by little....I'm tired of being sad....and thats not what she wants

Caitlin, what a nice thought. I hadn't thought of that myself. Our mothers are now reunited with their mother's (our grand mothers) and they are also with all their other beloved family. One day we will get to hug our mothers again too

i so believe we will see our loved ones again, I think thats the way its supposed to be....

Grace, its not selfish to want your mom here, I do too...its natural....you remember all the good times, the advice, the talks....I want my mom here too, but she is in spirit....its hard to live without her and her guidance, but I know she is well now....when you really love someone that much you want them to be at peace, and she is

I miss my Mom every minute of every day!

I hear you Katrina. I feel like there's a BIG void in my heart, a hole that only a mother can fill. Its very hard!

Dee; I could have written those same words. Mom died a few days before your mom and even though we knew she was in pain  we wanted her to stay. She fought so hard to stay around. Finally cancer won. I miss her so much, my heart aches. I've lost three brothers, my dad and now mom but this is proving to be almost unbearable. I just pray for my time to go.

mercy, just try your best to enjoy your time here, its not easy....you are too young to want to not be here....but i understand your feelings....i have hit rock bottom myself....hoping somehow i can snap out of it...just everything piling up....hopefully things will improve for us both....your friend, rach

 

weird how today is making me teary with Mom gone. It wasn't a holiday that we normally got together, I suppose it is however her strong love for America and all that we stand for. I am flying HER flag here at my place.......

Wish Mom was in the kitchen making her famous Macaroni salad for a family Fourth of July gathering like she did for many years. She died 1 week ago today. I have no family to offer me support. Lots of blame games and anger going on. Today is Independence Day. What does that mean for those of us grieving and feeling so lost. I hope you all make it through today as best you can. I wish those of us that have connected could hug eachother today. Sue

thats sounds good Sue....I hope your hanging in there....I am so restless, not much to do, time going slow....etc....try and have a good one hun

Hi Friends,

Having a very bad day today. One week ago today mom died. I would love it if we all could be together under one roof and cook a dinner together by candlelight, hold hands and be physically together instead of just e mails. How comforting that sounds. I so appreciate you guys. I am hanging in there hour by hour. Like we all are. I am also dealing with my sisters being totally cold and selfish. Another form of loss. I have to let go of them in order to be healthy at some point. Family unit - no longer there. Hasn't been for ages. I to am restless Rachel. Restless is such a great word for us. Thank you for being there for me. Sue

God bless Sue....im so sorry your having a hard time...im not doing well either, and my sister and i are also on the outs...minute by minute, hour by hour, a little at a time hun....

Thanks Rachel; I'm so happy to see you back. My DSL was acting up for two days and I couldn't respond to your messages. I pray that God give you strength to get through today. I spoke to my brother and sister and they are sounding so strong today. I just started thinking what my mom wants for me. It would make her so proud if I can be the strong resiliant woman she raised me to be. I'm working hard towards that. Its very difficult but I'll try my best just for mom. I know she would never want her memories to be ruined by the pain her death has caused us. Rachel, I really appreciate your support and friendship. I wish I could reach out and give you a big hug.

Hey everyone, My name is Anthony. I lost my mom...my mom was taken from me last January. She was murdered and now I am taking care of my 2 younger sisters. Thankfully they're over 18 but they still need help from me. I love them and love my mom even more. It is very difficult to deal with sometimes especially when family disagreements come about and what not. My mom was my rock,when I needed advice she was always there and now when I get stressed I don't have anyone else to talk to. Even though I'm still young (23 yrs. old) and very mature, I feel like I have to always act like an older male because of certain responsibilities that I have. Basically I was wonder what should I do when I become stressed or emotional? I'm hoping someone here can give me some really good advice. Thanks for reading-Anthony

im so sorry Anthony, my prayers go with you....that is horrible....I lost my mom in December, but by cancer, I guess no way is pleasant....I'm so very sorry....stay strong

Anthony.  I am so sorry for your loss.  In one of the bereavement group meetings I attended the facilitator talked about the fact that we are all going to be stressed and emotional.  That we need to take a step back and do something for ourselves and that we need to make sure that we are taking care of ourselves, we can't take care of others if we are not helping ourselves.  All I can do is tell you to stay strong and that you need to take time for yourself.  Talking to people on this will help you as well.  I also started a private journal to work through some of my anger and frustration.  It has helped just expressing how I feel even though I am the only one that will read what I write.  It helps keep me sane.  Hope that helps.

Hey Cindy, I am aware that stress is not going away any time soon and I've tried the journal idea but after writing down my emotional's I feel better until the next time because I end up reading my thoughts and I become more and more upset with my mother being away. I do agree that expressing my feelings to others does help. I was actually telling my sister today about these feelings and she was having the same thoughts and we both helped each other. My best advice to anyone dealing with pain with your loss is to tell someone your thoughts/feelings. It is hard and you may even cry but it will start to heal the pain sooner.

I miss my mom SOOO bad....I thought of her today, a little while ago....i wish she were still here....nothing can replace her....nothing....she is a part of me....i love you mom....always!!!!  and forever....i try not to think about her cause i just get so upset...we were so close....so close

THIS PAst weekend i joined my daughter and granddaughter in her 1st horse show. she's 5 yrs old. riding english. Mom rode English and played Polo at one point in her life, although I dont' recall ever seeing Mom ride. My granddaughter even wore the hat that Mom had worn at some point. I had found it after her death, she had never shown it to us, and I gave to it my granddaughter for her birthday. It was hard to see that as I know Mom would have enjoyed watching her in her 3 classes and seeing her get her ribbons. (sat she placed 7 in the 3 classes and sun she placed 2,2,& a 3rd) the little one was so proud of her different colored ribbons and had a great time!!even though I never saw Mom riding I know how much she had enjoyed it, and the pictures of her say it all!!

 

Rachel, I hear you. I'm dying inside, just longing for mom. I've been having horrible dreams of mom looking so sick and emaciated. This makes me so sad. I want to see her happy and rested. We can only pray for peace. I miss her terribly, I know I will never experience real peace until I see her again.

you know exactly how I feel mercy....I did a "normal" thing today, went to a movie, i couldnt make it through the whole thing, but I am so glad I did something normal....I dont remember my mom sick, thank god....but she was as your mom was hun, and no we dont want that vision....she is happy honey....she is completely at peace now, remember that, even though its hard for us....you have to find the peace inside....i have peace, but miss her so bad, i know she is resting in heavenly peace now.....

its so hard for us

 

Tomorrow is my birthday, and I am missing my mom so very much.  I want her to be here and I don't want to celebrate.  My husband and children want to make a big deal over it and I just want the day to go by so that I don't have to pretend I am ok.  I know they are just trying to make me smile, but all I can seem to do is cry. 

 

Cindy-

I know how you feel- I felt the same way on my birthday.  My moma always made my birthday so special.  It will never be the same.  A very special aunt did remind me of how much my moma loved me and how she had never seen my moma look as happy as when my brother and I were born.  I tried to remember that and remember that she gave me life and to acknowledge the day as an honor to her.  Good luck to you and I hope you have a blessed day.

I decided to Join Online Grief Support when I was surfing for a group online. I saw this group board while doing that. It showed me, finally, that I wasn't alone in my sadness at the lose of my mother 6 years ago on June 23rd. I always thought as time went on that I would find peace without her. But, some days, I just find myself lost without her. I really want to move forward, and try daily. It's just this feeling of having a hole in my heart, in my life, that just won't go away. I know her memories live on inside me forever, but when will the crying stop. When will I feel whole again. I truely pray for anyone who's lost their mother, and wish them Peace. As I truly desire for myself.... <3

wow, mom, i miss you so much its unbelievable. as i sit in the garden she created i can't believe she was taken from me so young. how am i suppose to go on without her? how am i suppose to grow up and become half the woman she was without her?  love you so much mom XXXXXXX

Tracey; I hear your pain, I live it everyday. My mom has been gone for six or seven weeks, I don't even count any more as its too depressing to think so much time has passed. I miss her daily, I struggle just to get through the day. She left a big empty hole that will never be filled by anything or anyone. I don't know how to go on, I always dream of just going into this deep sleep and joining my mom. I miss mom, so, so much. Its never going to be the same ever again.

It's almost 6 months since my Mom has died. And today and tomorrow I am taking all of her belongings and putting them in storage or giving them away. I got really nasty to my BF when he was moving things. Later I was able to tell him to please forgive my outbursts as these are Moms belongings and it's all I have left of my Mom. Thankfully he's understanding of that. I plan on going back the last trip alone.....before I hand the keys over to the bank.........

I am new I was looking also for a support group there really is not one in my city that I like I believe in God 100% I . I shaving a hard time
Anyways. It has been a week we just buried my mom last Monday 7/17 it was ok for about 2hours then it was like a bomb went off in my gut,yeah me and mom had a thing lol she loved her kids like that though everyone was her favorite . But you know funerals can get my 2 bro's are mad at my sister ,so know that everyone is not speaking to each other well I am somewhat alone my daughter even got caught up in it ok but the main thing is I need someppl who are going through this also I realize it is life but wow my dad has been gone 3 years and I still miss him too it is not as bad as mom love u all

I truly do miss mom, when I think I'm doing ok, something happens to bring back memories and tears just stream uncontrollably. Its like life ended with moms death. I don't care about anything anymore; all I want is to lie down and be transported to moms side and be there forever. My mom, my angel, I love you.

Does anyone else have the overpowering feeling of guilt that you could have done something to prevent your Mum's death? I lost my mum 3 months ago to cancer and I can't stop feeling that there might have been something else I could have done to help her sooner. I feel like I've let down the most important person in my life and it's killing me!

When you are grieving it’s important that you take care of yourself through difficult times. We’ve all been knocked off center and find it hard to take care of our own health needs.

I would like to take this time out to thank you guys for sharing your stories.  I lost my MOM almost 5 years ago.  I still feel the pain.  I miss her SO much. Please take this time to take care of yourself.  I have been a beach body coach for almost 1 year now.... I must say it has change my life 100%.  I workout everyday right from my own home using P90x, Insanity, Asylum, TurboFire, and others.  if you would like to know more about it, please contact me karonbporter@yahoo.com. Here is a link to my website where you can find more information. www.beachbodycoach.com/karonbporter

anonymous- yes i feel that way.....i wish i had visited her more often, i would have seen she wasn't eating enough to keep her strength,  then when she fell, hit her head, she had nothing to fight back with....if only...............

I find myself at times living in the IF ONLY i stood over my mother's house the day before she passed.  I try not to think about what if's....I know that is something very hard to do.

I lost both my parents in the past 4 years and I am only 32. My mom died a month ago and I am devastated. I am getting so mad at my boyfriend over little things. I have no patience for anyone in public. (God forbid someone cut me off, they will meet the wrath of Meg!) I have no love for the things that used to give me pleasure. I have no energy to do anything fun. I want everyone around yet I want to be alone. I'm a mess. I asked a friend if she thinks I am depressed. She said, "No, honey, you're just grieving." I feel like a 25 lb weight is sitting on my chest. I MISS MY MOM! All I want to do is talk to her and hear her voice, but I cannot do that. I really miss her.

Yes Meg I buried my mom 2mondays ago I am kinda going through perimenopause and this too not a good combo. I am a quiet person myself but not this week ,, I miss my mom too,, @~}~~ love u a hug to you , I know there is not to much anybody can really do but I read your post and said a prayer for you

My moms been gone 4 weeks. It seems forever since I last held her hand. I am in the numb stage right now. A bit of denial creeps in. I think I am pretending she is still here. I have no idea how to live and keep living. She and I were so close. I pray a lot. What an emptiness.

Sue I lost my mom 2 months ago last Monday. For the first month I felt nothing. And then made me feel guilty that I felt nothing. She lived with me for the last 9 months of her life. She was not only my mom but also my best friend. I also would pretend that it didn't happen that she was just out of town on one of her trips with her sisters. You will find the strength from deep within to keep living. I find my strength by thinking of what my mom would of wanted me to do. Just let yourself feel the feelings whether it's denial, anger or any other feeling. Let yourself feel it and know that everything you are going thru is normal. Someone once told me that it doesn't get any easier  you just learn to cope with it better. *hugs*

Anonymous; I feel the same way too. I feel I could have done more to help mom and I cannot help the pain I feel. We had three treatment options, I voted for the one I thought was best and I wonder if it was the wrong option. The guilt and pain is unbearable most days. I just look forward to the day I’ll see her again, all I live for is the day I’ll see mom again. My only joy comes from knowing that with each passing day; I'm closer and closer to seeing mom again.